On Being Romantic  

rm_harshawj 52M
761 posts
2/9/2006 7:36 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

On Being Romantic

Romance, what exactly is romance? For many people there is a distinct difference between romance and sexuality. Interestingly enough, from my point of view (and I will admit that I may be very wrong about this) it seems that romance is left up to the male of a couple (I am talking in a hetro sense now) in the NORMAL course of a relationship. (I will get around to this concept more later.)

For most people I feel they think of romance as formal rituals of affection. Romance can be s simple as presenting beautiful flowers, or a card for no reason other than one wants to express their amorous feelings towards another. It could be a night out on the town, doing something special to mark an occasion or just because. It also can take the form of the grand gesture and an all out expression of love, be it a proposal and a renewal of love. And while sex may be a part of the romance, it is not the goal of romance. If on the other hand romance is used as a tool to garner sex, I would think it is false and when looked back upon can become a very nasty point of contention, emotions used for manipulations of an end goal of sex.

Now I say that men are usually the initiators of romance, and I think that this is the case often at the beginnings of relationships. Romance is how the male expresses himself and impresses his interest on the female that he cares for her. It goes back to the Flintstones age, Fred just wacked a big Bronto and to prove to Wilma that he will provide, gives it to her. Romance saying that he will be her provider and finds her suitable to be provided for. Fred loves her, and this is how he shows it.

Now there is a problem with us men, and again it goes back to good old Fred. After he has Wilma and is comfortable (and still providing) he thinks this is just a continued romance. He then does not undertake new displays of affection. In his mind he is displaying his affection with every Bronto he brings in. To Wilma it is now just routine. She wants more.

So now it is Wilma’s turn to provide a bit of romance. She takes the wonderful Bronto and prepares it very nicely, with a side of Bedrock Beer to go along with it. Fred see this and realizes that she now cares for him too, and will think of a way of rewarding her romantic effort.. Hopefully the two will get into a cycle of romance and will continue through out their lives.

If you think this cyclic nature is all bull, let me tell you my own experience. When I was married I used to bring home flowers all the time. It was nice to see my wife then take the flowers and display them for all to see. She took pride in them and it made me feel good to see she like it. One day I brought home flowers and she set them on the table and left them there. She did not put them in a vase, she did not even say thank you, they just laid on the table and two days later I threw them out as they were dead and wilted. From that point on I never brought home flowers again. From that point on I subconsciously knew that the marriage was over and the romance gone. It would take me years to realize this was the case, but it was. And even though I tried to be romantic many times after that, that break in the romantic cycle was devastating for me. To this day I have a hard time presenting anyone with flowers because it would truly devastate me if they were not accepted and displayed.

In many ways romance is the non-verbal expression of love, and while love is often stated during the romantic interlude, the romance should be saying it also in a loud and clear voice. There are so many ways of romantic expression, all it takes is a little thought and creativity. I know for me some of the most romantic moment in my life have come with no verbal communication at all, the acts and situations spoke for me; it was another level of communication that was so fulfilling.

Now in todays culture women can be more aggressive and will initiate romance. For me, when this happens I feel very stunned and macho. It is not often that a woman will present me with flowers or initiate romance, but when it happens I love it. I think it is just grand when it does. I know that sometimes I can be so preoccupied with work or other things that it is nice to know that she cares and I will usually respond in kind, not because I have to, but because I want to.

Ah the cycle of romance, it is what spices our lives.

keithcancook 61M
17930 posts
2/9/2006 11:09 pm

Great essay, dude.

Romance will be around for as long as it feels good to make another person feel good.

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