What the hell were you thinking  

gentelmanjim53 64M
487 posts
9/5/2005 2:44 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What the hell were you thinking


It has been more than a month now since I walked away from a life I had known for more than 15 years. It was intentional and with purpose but I question it everyday.
The situation that lead to this was not within my control nor was it for a lack of feeling for one who's love I still want and have, but I could not bear to saddle her with what I see coming in the future.
Yesterday we talked and I went to see her, business, part of the process of ending our lives together, but we each miss our morning coffee chats, a time we would begin our day with share our thoughts. We were and are friends and no matter what I will always love her and be there if she needs me.
What brought us to this point is of little consequence but is in earlier posts, now I wonder if it were not for the physical attention that was missing... but no I am to much in need of the physical. I need more than just a women's touch, a hug and a kiss, I need to please a woman as she wants to be pleased, begin kissing at her neck and stop at her feet then reverse course and end at her neck, until she is begging for me to take her.
The woman I seek must want and enjoy a lot of foreplay, for in that is the pleasure of lovemaking, give her your undivided attention until she has a screaming orgasm and then seek to please her some more. Listen to her know what she enjoys ask her what it is that makes her squirm,get hot and wet. If you don't ask how do you ever plan to satisfy her.
Sex is not just about your gratification, it is about mutual satisfaction. When a man and a woman are attracted to each other, for whatever reason, they each seek satisfaction of their primal needs. Done with passion and thought it is art, it is also a sport. I once read that you burn 2600 calories having sex, done three times in a day you have burned 7800 calories, that's a pretty good work out, and enjoyable too.
Here I seek a friend or two who will understand that I will care about them, I will pay attention to them and I will be there if I am needed but they must also understand that even though I will be divorced from my wife she will always be the love of my life the only woman I married or will ever marry again. I could not let her deal with the ravages of ageing that will soon enough come to each of us as it has to my father. I now am his caregiver and will remain so until his demise.
When this all began I was faced with some difficult choices, what is done is done. I look in the mirror every day not always liking what I see there and asking myself"What the hell were you thinking." The day begins and there is not much to look forward to but the work of getting the house ready for my father to return. An upcoming night out is planned and will be my first in a long time. Another day, another chance to meet someone. That is the hope and I have lots of hope.

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