Random thoughts behind the Redwood Curtain again...  

funwithyou6022 57F
5 posts
9/27/2005 10:31 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Random thoughts behind the Redwood Curtain again...

The difference between my view of sex and how I learned to see it this way and my husbands view of sex and how he came to see it his way.

I grew up (until adolescents) in a traditional family and was taught all the traditional stuff. Give yourself to only one, that is the right way to do things. and on and on. Then, because it is in my blood to wonder, I found myself on a commune. They were true to their beliefs and holding tight to the way of life they invisioned in the 60's. This was 1975. I learned from them, their phylosophy on the mix between love and sex.They go hand in hand, blended so well together that there is no line of demarcation. Breaking it down, since it is a long and drawn out story, I learned that love and sex are one. You can be attached to one person in all areas but sex is offered to all those who you love (love of a friend is love and it is way to deep to explain fully for me right now)Even to go so far as to beleive it is a selfish act to only offer oneself to one. Soooo, the tight nit community was a very free place to be. Sex had absolutely no strings attached to it. It had no conditions, no price to pay for the exchange. It was expressing love in it's purest form to those you grew to trust and care for. Sex was in no way thought of as nasty, women were not concidered whores, sluts, loose or any other term. Men were not into putting notches on their bedposts. There was no conquest involved. Men did not run around with their tongues hanging out. Everything was done with love and respect whether it be an orgie or one on one. So it is easy for me to see love as free and not some sort of thing that must be limited to one to show you are loyal.

So hubby, who grew up a Redneck. Learned of love and sex the traditional way. Faithfullness was a sign of love. At least on the part of the woman. Her duty was to respect him no matter what and play by the unbalanced rules put forth by that tradition. He was crazy about me back then, and still is. Loved what he concidered my wild self. He was clear on my take on things and I think the excitement of it all made him go against what was deeply engrained in him.So in the begining we were free to express ourselves with the friends we loved. Then after marraige he didn't want me to go alone and I respected it. I had no problem with him going alone. And he did. From time to time he brought people home which was cool. Then as it must be sometimes he shut down completely. No one in and no one out. The traditional conditioning took total control over him. So now I live against my grain. So deeply inbedded in me is the ideals of free love, so deeply embedded in him is the need to own my sexuality. And the battle persues. I with to much respect for him to go out and stray without intense guilt for not being level with him. And he firmly holding me tight as a result of his ego and upbringing. So we stand face to face. Wild sex in bed but only with each other. Is this to be my lot in life forever? To cheat is to not be true to my man. To cheat is to be deceptive to the one you hold the closest. To be bound to one in the sex department is pure torture. I am in such a delema.

snooker96692 54M

10/1/2005 7:32 pm

The question is will your desire for sexual freedom overrule your desire for a one man sexual relationship. A few words/phrases captured my attention..."Wild sex in bed" and "torture".

Yes, this is a dilema for you. I hope you find your answer. Cheers.

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