what happens when you ask one member of a couple to play alone?  

funopencouple707 47M/47F
57 posts
9/16/2005 7:21 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

what happens when you ask one member of a couple to play alone?

Our profile says we play together. We state in person, we play as a couple. What happens when a couple we've hooked up with a couple times asks to meet one of us without the other?

It caused a misunderstanding between myself and my partner. It caused hurt feelings, hastily spoken words, and one entirely sleepless night.

I like sex a lot. I enjoy sex with others, and I like watching other people have sex. My partner is new to any type of group sex. I wasn't careful with my words, and I didn't make him any less uncomfortable. I'm new to bringing someone along with me for a "three or more" some. I wasn't sensitive enough to what he needed from me during the experience. He tried it. He really wasn't that into it. Having that couple then ask if I wanted to meet without him... I feel like I really fucked up.

We're back to concentrating on each other. I love him so much. I'd never want to cause him hurt, just for sex. It's not worth it at all. We have a fantastic sex life on our own. We've explored and discovered so much, I'd never ever want to risk losing the relationship we've built together. I've met some new friends on this adventure, and I hope to keep them. I know that friendships and connections to people run deeper than sex, so I have high hopes in that regard.

funwithyou602 57F

9/16/2005 8:39 pm

I have messed up in my communication with my life partner. What put our fun with others to a stop was the attachment a man developed for me. Totally wigged out my hubby and now his fear that either I will get attached or the other will has put him in a place that he does not even want to go there anymore. He's beginging to come around but because of that I was with just him for years. As far as going on your own. My husband was very uncomfortable with that. I had no problem with him riding solo but he did me so I respected that. It is incredibly difficult to be manogamous when it is in your nature to share pleasure in such a way with others. Good for you for having the insight to back up and regroup.

SatyrDancer 39F

9/16/2005 9:57 pm

I dont think you fucked up. Many couples play "either together or separate." They probably asked because it was an honest question. If you are interested and your partner is not, perhaps in the future after you feel more stable together, you can get back into the scene without him, or with him. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. It happens.

SatyrDancer 39F

9/16/2005 10:01 pm

As for your profile... your screen name is "fun open couple". When I hear "open" I tend to think that the relationship is well... open! That each individual has freedom to play as he or she likes. I dont equate a "we only play together" agreement with openness, but that is just me.
Dont get me wrong I totally support your decision. But everyone out there makes assumptions based on what they have seen and done before, and probably dont mean any harm. I thought you played separately too, based on the few times we had chatted.

funopencouple707 47M/47F

9/17/2005 10:47 am

When I chose the name with "open", I meant open to new ideas and experiences. I realize they were asking to meet seperately because that's what they were truly interested in, and it's good that they were honest. It was totally a "behind his back" type of request though. There was no question that we were a package. What really bothers me is them not wanting to be friends if we aren't going to fuck. Live and learn.
We've been talking some more, and my sweetie is still interested in meeting new people, and in hanging out with some friends we've met recently. We may alter the way we go about it a little. Thanks for you comments and suggestions, ladies. You both gave us some more to think about.

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