THE REAL ME.. NO HOLDS BARRED  

funintheday2006 57M
8366 posts
8/4/2006 8:03 pm

Last Read:
8/7/2006 8:55 am

THE REAL ME.. NO HOLDS BARRED

Ok its time for a bit of reality.

Well, I am really normal but, I have a defence mechanism that goes into autopilot without me realising it.

I have the ability to numb myself emotionally so I don’t feel pain.

I also got an email from a guy who writes to me occasionally and the basic gist of the mail was that it is ‘all right for me’, I’ve ‘got it made’ so I can afford to look on the bright side.

To quash any misconceptions I would like to share one period of my life with you.

After my divorce I continued the business having made a settlement to my wife that I felt she deserved but, she felt was over generous.

This left me in a position whereby I was running the business under capitalised and had too many overheads.

Reluctant to lay off staff etc. I continued, working long hours, taking nothing from the business and the usual things that have to be done in difficult times.

One of my bigger clients went under and I was unable to trade so I put the company into voluntary liquidation.

Before doing so and because many of my suppliers were like me, one man businesses and I considered them friends I took money from my personal account and paid all of them all the money my business owed them. I also paid all my staff a good amount to ensure they would not suffer. The only debts the business had was to the bank and to me. I was the major creditor.
This part was to explain, a little, my business ethics.

At the end of it all I was left with nothing. No Home, no money and no prospects other than my wits.

The one luxury item I did keep was my 2 year old Jaguar car which I swore I would not sell and deposited with a friend for safe keeping, telling him it would be some time before I could come and get it. I promised to keep in touch.

I told no one of my situation, not family or friends, and I moved to a different city in the Midlands.

The reason I told no one was simply pride and not wanting my ex wife to know of my situation. Everyone thought I was moving south to commence a new business.

I arrived there in September with less than £5 and nowhere to stay.

I slept in doorways, cemeteries etc for about 2 weeks near a motorway service area so I could have a shower every day ant retain some dignity.

I knew no one in this city and chose it for that very reason.

On the streets is difficult to describe but, I got to know some people and heard of a squat in the centre of town. It was an unusual squat inasmuch that there were rooms spare because one of the residents was extremely aggressive and many were scared of him. The weather was setting in so I decided to turn up and claim a room at the squat and did so.
The ‘chief squatter’ confronted me after a couple of days, when he had had his dutch courage and I gave him a lesson that ensured I would not be bothered by him again.
The squat was dirty, frequented by drug users and prostitutes getting their fix and I had to live amongst it. No choice.

I started cleaning cars for loose change, gardening, odd jobs etc in order to survive. I never claimed or considered state aid, again pride. Foolish maybe but, I do not regret it.

I allowed myself just £4 per week for food and lived on Oats and sugar with the occasional fruit.
I dabbled in the black market, totally illegally, and started to make a bit of money. I opened a bank account and put everything in except my allocated food money. I spent 20p per week on a call to my friend to tell him about my ‘new business’ venture and to ensure my car was ok.
The car was my only link to me and became a focus for success.

That was my life for over a year, living in a squat, fighting and defending my one room, which had no glass in the windows and just a mattress for sitting and sleeping. I walked a round trip of 8 miles every day for a shower.

It was also at this time I retired from sport because I could not afford training fees and deprived myself of friends and family for over 2 years.

Within 1 and a half years I had developed a good car cleaning business and managed to get a free 3 months rental on a property in the centre of the city and turned it into a vehicle valeting shop. I also slept there.
I used the money I had saved and the bank gave me a £1000 unsecured loan and I bought second hand cleaning machines with it and paid rent for a further 3 months.

6 months later I had 3 people working for me and had collected my car.

I have so many stories of that time, some funny some not so funny and I am sharing this piece of me to help you understand my defence mechanism which is my humour.

I suppose I’m also sharing so those that are doing so do not judge me solely as a clown, I am much more than that.

It is very hard to get close to me as a person and I have issues still with the fear of poverty.

I am not ashamed of this period of my life, I believe I tackled it with dignity and as a man.

Now I have an 8 bedroom, 7 bathroom house in Spain with a large swimming pool, I have lived on my motor yacht (now gone), when I travel I travel business class and I eat well and live well. I make no apologies for that.
Major corporations seek me out as a speaker on marketing and sales psychology.

I also work as hard as anyone I know.

Please do not dismiss me as superficial, I am not.
Do not EVER call me lucky, I earned every penny I got.
Do not underestimate me, you may be surprised.

And, if I have got it made, I made it with my own sweat, blood and tears and I am proud that on the journey I hurt NOT ONE PERSON.

Whatever I have achieved has been achieved with pride, respect, dignity, ethics and morals.

I am open to questions and comments.

Anything you want to know about that period or something you wonder about me, ask. I will tell you if I can. If I cant I’ll tell you why I cant.

The floor is yours.


JuicyBBW1001 55F

8/4/2006 9:15 pm

Wow here I was crying over my circumstances today and feeling sorry for myself and then I read this. If I had of known you then I would have gave you a hand up but from reading this it seems you never would have taken it.

I too use to use humor and sometimes still do to try and mask the pain I sometimes feel over the events of my own past. People underestimate me too because I am weak in my spirit now but I am no fool nor am I anyone's doormat or cumslut.

I want what I want only because I think I am worthy even when I am feeling the blues.

But I have a newfound respect for you Fun your a class act. I wish you nothing but peace within your spirit.

I am just curious about one thing though. Have you always lived in the UK?? and if not where else have you lived?

Juicy


funintheday2006 replies on 8/4/2006 9:18 pm:
I have lived in Spain and Australia but, have visited most places including the US where I had business interests in Ft Lauderdale and L Angeles.

Damn_Dilemma 50F

8/4/2006 9:36 pm

I never underestimated or even over estimated you. I never saw you as clown either, more distinguished and defined hence me using you as the first next to the list but you understood it differently, I don't know. Nothing wrong with sarcasm or wit I say , it means you have pride and I respect you even more now than I did before. None of us are lucky, we are what we choose to be by making our own luck but never use another to make your luck is my motto tho some disagree and think I'm a money grabbing wench. I don't care what people say anymore, hence the shield I build around myself so nobody can penetrate what realy lies beneath. I've suffered from the age of 8 yrs when my dad died after being poisened by my stepmother but I went from foster home to another till I was sixteen, I decided it was time to make a break and get away because I had enough of being pushed around, today, I'm a stronger person with health issues too that even that I am overcoming with my own strength which i wish upon nobody even my worst enemy. Everything I have is mine, I earned it, I don't do credit, if I can't afford, i do without, afterall, I did without when i had nothing so why should anything change now so teach my daughter and adopted son the same, to earn their pocket money. Nothing is free in this world, You only worth what you make of yourself!!!!
I'M PROUD OF YOU {=}{=}{=}


funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 12:06 am:
You say the sweetest things

maverick1255 52M
3953 posts
8/4/2006 9:38 pm

You did not have to tell us this story. But thank you for sharing. This means a lot.

Thanks, again. Very inspiring.


funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 12:06 am:
Yo Mav, never thought it was inspiring but, if thats how it affects you the post was worth doing mate. Take care

catkit13 67F

8/4/2006 9:55 pm

you know, fun, you do let a bit of yourself show thru your posts from time to time, and anyone who reads your blog knows that you're not the class clown . . . far from it, you're honest, intelligent, articulate, witty, and FUN, fun!
and to overcome such obstacles to get to your current place in life takes courage, strength and HUMOR - you have it all!
thanks for sharing such a personal time in your life
hope you're having sweet dreams
cat


funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 12:07 am:
Thanks babe, wish I could sleep, 6 hours would be heaven

JuicyBBW1001 55F

8/4/2006 10:08 pm

Wow hook a kid up LA uh?? K wants to model and dance. She also told me today she wants to enter the next Sunburst Pageant again. She won her regional when she competed a couple years ago and won the state pageant too. She could have gone to Nationals but sponsorships where hard to come by so we had to forego it. If my scanner was working I would send you some pics of her that would blow you away.

Juicy


funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 12:31 am:
Let her go for it, kids should have fun

ShooooM 44M
340 posts
8/4/2006 10:52 pm

<---seemed appropriate right now have & written 4 lots of comments but deleted them as those little hugs kept waving at me so lovely 1 big hugs and everything wrote however long short or boiled down to the same thing and thats a serious self acheivement and well done and you desrver every success in the world you really do, And thanks for posting this because recently as u know ive been at that bottom not as far down as you were i have a home but the fear of losing it & the things i worked hard for because im financially F**cked getting kicked while im down tryin to get up to show face look proud etc & apparently im the victim here paying hugely now for making a decision to stand against him & therefore stay alive and lose everything in rthe process & some days feel like im dead with the numbness then i think is it all worth it but reading this today youve shown me it clearly is so thanks and stay fabulous xx k


funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 12:40 am:
Not sure what to say to help here.
The feeling of being dead inside I remember and my answer was to treat the bad times a little like an acting job, immerse yourself into the part, live it like a play always knowing that you will return to who you really are. My car was my catalyst, you can find yours.
You have to look upon yourself as a participant not a victim that will only create self pity which will negatively affect you.
The numbness is merely lack of direction brought on by allowing circumstances to dictate your actions.
This sounds like a cliche but you really do have to take control of the situations. The days it seems hardest are the days you try harder.
I know you.
You are strong enough for this.
Whatever you think you are losing, balance against the things you are getting or retaining. You will find that as a person you are still in credit.
You wanna talk anytime you know where I am.

woofff 42F

8/4/2006 11:19 pm

I can't even remember how the bloody hell I landed on your blog. Some blogs I've been to, they radiate a vibe that says I am somehow responsible for their author's (dis)content.Admittedly so far its been largely a one way exercise, with me reading your blog bit by bit daily. And after reading your rebuttals to other older, readers I hesitated before putting myself in your line of vision - also true. Happily I remembered that I didn't actually insult you on your blog with my comments and that that factor would seriously limit the possibility of an exchange of pleasantries between us (grins).But I was pleasntly surprised to see you amicably writing on my blog a bit later on.

Encouraged, I bravely read more posts by ya. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I'de sent you a direct missive thru this friendly site...and that good feeling lasted right uptil I got an autoreply from you...you end your mssg by deploring solicitation or something to that effect... so I opened up the damn blog page again and waded my way through more posts. I discovered that you were being accosted in practically every other post initially - rofl - by money minded women who got alarmingly more and more determined with each successive post.It was like watching Tom & Jerry tear about back and forth with Jerry convincing Tom that it only looks like he, Jerry is being chased.But its actually the other way around.

Net result: I felt giddy the first few times i came by (your blog)I admit but dayum, I have so much Fun (COMPLETELY unintended pun. Honest) that I keep coming back.


funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 12:40 am:
You hit the post button by mistake first time

woofff 42F

8/4/2006 11:39 pm

I can't even remember how the bloody hell I landed on your blog. Some blogs I've been to, they radiate a vibe that says I am somehow responsible for their author's (dis)content. Yours had no such scent about it. Admittedly though, after reading your rebuttals to other older, readers I hesitated before putting myself in your line of vision. Happily I remembered later that I didn't actually insult you on your blog with my comments and that that factor would seriously limit the possibility of an exchange of pleasantries between us (grins).But I was pleasntly surprised to see you amicably writing on my blog a bit later on.

Some girls look at shoe sizes I'm to asses their muse I'm told but no one can trick me over words, I'm no good with shoes sizes.What a nut, I thought about you. I wonder what sort of books this man would read.

Encouraged thus far (or close, i'm not picky) I bravely read more posts by ya. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I'de sent you a direct missive thru this friendly site vis a vis a post...I didn't even feel my usual knee jerk reaction to snatch back communique at the verrrry last moment. That good feeling lasted right uptil I got an autoreply from you...you end your mssg by deploring solicitation or something to that effect... so I opened up the damn blog page again and waded my way through more posts. I discovered that you were being accosted in practically every other post initially - rofl - by money minded women who got alarmingly more and more determined with each successive post.It was like watching Tom & Jerry tear about back and forth with Jerry convincing Tom that it only looks like he, Jerry is being chased.But its actually the other way around.

Net result: I felt giddy the first few times i came by (your blog)I admit but dayum, I have so much Fun (COMPLETELY unintended pun. Honest) that I keep coming back.

And now you tell me that are also far from civilized at heart.Are quite a pagan to me. Heathen? Am not picky lol! Or hOw about (imagination runs away) a goblin. You like goblins? Or could be an elf too I suppose.

W.


funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 12:10 am:
ROFLMAO

Some of the guys who write to me wish I was a fairy

funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 12:29 am:
I am pleased you are comfortable here, I hope everyone is.
My comments are never personal or directed to hurt.

florallei 100F

8/5/2006 10:16 am

Hello Fun,

I have missed your visits...I respect you for not giving up at those times. I know those kinds of hardships. Someday I too will share mine. TY for the an inspiring life story!!! I honor you!!!
hugs,
flo


funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 8:15 pm:
Thanks flo, will pop round, been working and neglecting babe, sorry.

RubyRedPetal 45F

8/5/2006 3:16 pm

why didnt u sign on?

* *


funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 8:17 pm:
Pride and dignity. Not that I judge those that do but , my mother taught me that way. She and I brought my sisters up with our own efforts without resorting to what my mum calls charity.
I know the World is different now and we live in a mor 'caring' society but, my mum would not have respected me for doing that. Thats a good reason not to, in my book

rm_sexxikritter 53F
2715 posts
8/5/2006 3:24 pm

Wow Fun, you have just proven the point to not judge a book by its cover. Yours is truly an inspirational story and I thank you for sharing it.


funintheday2006 replies on 8/5/2006 8:18 pm:
Thanks babe

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
8/6/2006 4:59 am

good for you,darn difficult to climb back from rock bottom but you did it and did it well.


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


funintheday2006 replies on 8/6/2006 9:25 am:
I always think if you have a purpose, you can get there. Thanks Papy.

funintheday2006 replies on 8/6/2006 9:25 am:
I always think if you have a purpose, you can get there. Thanks Papy.

rm_turtleBurp 45F
1273 posts
8/6/2006 8:29 am

Dude it would have been so much easier if you'd got dole n housing benefit... did you not realise that your national insurance pays for that and you would have only be taking your own money back.

Pride makes people do weird things eh!


funintheday2006 replies on 8/6/2006 9:27 am:
Mum brought up 5 girl and 1 boy and refused all state help. Never asked fo a penny. We survived and we all have the dignity and pride that is so important to her. For me to claim anything would have meant I could not look her in the eye again.
That was much more important to me.
Pride is a

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