funintheday2006 57M
8366 posts
8/9/2006 8:24 pm

Last Read:
8/11/2006 9:57 pm


Todays post is educational (?)
I come from a place in England called Yorkshire where the people have a 'certain' reputation.
We have our own language and dialect and the following is our view of the Roman invasion of England

Can you understand it??

When Caesar first came to Britain
In the year 55 BC.
'E just 'appened to be passin'
And decided to stop and see.

It came as a shock to the Britons
'Oo were standin' about just then
To see t'beaches all covered
By a lot of queerly dressed men.

"They wear funny 'ats an' short skirts"
Said a Briton 'oo was close to t'sands.
"They're all carryin' dustbin lids
An' whackin' great swords in their 'ands".

"It seems to me" said t'chief Briton
"These fellers are up to no good,
It isn't the season for day trips
An' they've not been through Customs as they should".

Romans 'ad started campin'
On t 'beach where it were a bit nippy.
Old Julius 'oo were gettin' cold
Said "Send out a scout an' look slippy".

"I don't like this place" 'e said,
"It's a lot different from Rome
Where's all t'parties an' orgies an' things
That we are used to way back 'ome".

T'scout came back an' reported
On wot 'e'd seen on the land.
"Crikey" 'e said to old Caesar,
"Their army's like a real comic band'

"They're all dressed up in rabbit skins
An' carry big stones tied up on sticks.
They've got their skin painted all blue
An' our lot they're aimin' to fix".

"They're lined up in their chariots
An' there's summat else that certainly won't please,
They've got razor blades fastened to t'wheels
To chop us off at the knees".

When Julius Caesar 'eard this report
'E decided 'e'd better get crackin'
'E didn't fancy these British folk
An' intended to send 'em packin'.

Meanwhile, back with the Britons
T'chief 'ad made plan of attack
By puttin' all t'chariots an' men at front
An' leadin' 'em all from the back.

Romans stayed all day on t'beach
Buildin' sandcastles an' eatin' ice cream.
Wot with that an' cockles an' everythin'
They were rather glad they'd been.

"Take deck chairs back" ordered Caesar,
"And stack 'em nice an' neat.
We don't want 'em gettin' in t'way
In case we 'ave to retreat".

"Let's get on with it", Caesar went on,
"I've 'ad enough of standin' 'ere,
It's time we started t'battle".
So t'Romans set off with a cheer.

Ancient Britons saw 'em comin'
With their standard 'eld up 'igh,
An' written on it in words of gold
Was 'Repent - The End Is Nigh'.

Words were meant to strike terror
But Britons took no 'eed.
Julius Caesar 'ad forgotten
That none of 'em could read.

As t'Romans started advancin'
It began to pour with rain,
And as they'd forgotten their macs
Down their necks it started to drain.

"By Jupiter", said Julius Caesar,
"I've never been so wet in me life".
Just as 'e said it, it began to freeze,
And t'cold cut through like a knife.

When t'Romans started shiverin'
They didn't think it were funny.
They started to run just to get warm,
When it came out all 'ot an' sunny.

"Wot's this "ere?" asked Caesar,
Feelin' so 'ot an' soggy,
"They've got a right climate in this place".
As 'e said it, everything went foggy.

"That's the last straw" said Caesar,
"We can't make this place our 'ome.
With weather like this, they're welcome.
Let's get on t'boats back to Rome".

With that, Romans retreated,
Leavin' t'Britons standin' forlorn.
They were used to British weather
'Avin' 'ad it since bein' born.

As t'Romans sailed into the sunset
Caesar shook 'is fist as 'e frowned.
"I'll be back" 'e said, "With all me gear
To suit English weather next time round".

Balibabe19 43F

8/9/2006 9:15 pm

So that makes you a Yorkie?? I think I saw an episode of the Goodies with Yorkies!!!

funintheday2006 replies on 8/9/2006 9:20 pm:
I saw that

florallei 100F

8/9/2006 10:30 pm

Hello Fun,

So the World's greatest Power at that time rejected the land eh? I hear about the rains there and the fog...always been and will remain so forever it seems...a darling post.

funintheday2006 replies on 8/9/2006 10:53 pm:
Thank you babe, the weather even frightens the English away.

economickrisis 56M

8/9/2006 11:01 pm

Musta been the fucken kiwis who taught the Yorkies how to speak AND how to play cricket

funintheday2006 replies on 8/9/2006 11:20 pm:
You fucking leave cricket alone y'hear, we are learning

phoenix639 50F

8/10/2006 12:04 am

Lol, this is like something Pam ayres would write.

Loved it.

The Yorkshire dialect isnt as bad as the dialect from an old true wiganer. I havnt a clue what theyre saying.

funintheday2006 replies on 8/10/2006 12:20 am:
And we kicked the Romans arses at York, good style. Bastards, thinking they could steal the fish from Hull.
I cannot understand people from Sheffield/Doncaster area.

Heres one for the crowd: Ther are 2 words from Lancashire that an ex girlfriend used to say and I had to work out what they meant:


Do you know??

rm_Animal_73 44M
64 posts
8/10/2006 1:08 am

Reading that reminded me of an old Monty Python sketch.... Eeeee when i was a kid, we used t'lick road clean wit' our tongue for breakfast before headin down t'pits. LOL. must find me mp3 of that. Mind if i copy it to show me northern lass?

funintheday2006 replies on 8/10/2006 1:28 am:
Go for it. We just t'av ovis wi road tha 'nos

laceylady1000 53M/57F
185 posts
8/10/2006 7:22 am

Reminds me more of Stanley-who wrote about Young Albert and 'is stick with its 'orses 'ead ' I right?I loved those monologues.Bring 'em back.

funintheday2006 replies on 8/10/2006 7:35 am:
You are correct!!!

laceylady1000 53M/57F
185 posts
8/10/2006 7:28 am

My dad had a rhyme about Yarksheer men-how did it go? I think it went like this

'ear all
see all
say nowt

eat all
drink all
pay nowt

Its just a quote, so please don't ban me!!

funintheday2006 replies on 8/10/2006 7:38 am:
The first three lines are the names of the Yorkshire Monkeys ( I have a tattoo on my arm!).
The second 3 are the reputation we have in the rest of England. Completely unfounded of course

laceylady1000 53M/57F
185 posts
8/10/2006 3:48 pm

I miss the north/midlands. No ones said "'ey up me duck" to me for years,sigh.Does anyone from the the rest of the world know what that means?, lol

funintheday2006 replies on 8/10/2006 8:31 pm:
Na then flower, Thee o reet ta't, ows thee 'day luv
Oh, the poetic use of the language in the north of the country.
Me duck is a midlands greeting(as you know) prevelant in Leicestershire and Nottinghamshire.
Derbyshire leans towards ' What the fuck oyu doing here'
Dont even get me started on 'Why aye man'

IAmRubytuesday 56F
3193 posts
8/10/2006 5:16 pm

    Quoting laceylady1000:
    Reminds me more of Stanley-who wrote about Young Albert and 'is stick with its 'orses 'ead ' I right?I loved those monologues.Bring 'em back.
Stanley Holloway - the absolute best! There are 3 about The Lion and Albert - I even had a toy lion called Wallace! here's the first - i have the other 2 if you want them....


There's an old seaside place they call Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.
A grand little lad was young Albert,
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.
They didn't think much to the Ocean:
The waves, they was fiddlin' and small,
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,
Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.
So, seeking for further amusement,
They paid and went into the Zoo,
Where they'd Lions and Tigers and Camels,
And old ale and sandwiches too.
There were one great big Lion called Wallace;
His nose were all covered with scars -
He lay in a somnolent posture,
With the side of his face on the bars.
Now Aibert had heard about Lions,
How they was ferocious and wild -
To see Wallace lying so peaceful,
Well, it didn't seem right to the child.
So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle
And pushed it in Wallace's ear.
You could see that the Lion didn't like it,
For giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im,
And swallowed the little lad 'ole.
Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,
And didn't know what to do next,
Said 'Mother! Yon Lion's 'et Albert',
And Mother said 'Well, I am vexed!'
Then Mr and Mrs Ramshottom -
Quite rightly, when all's said and done -
Complained to the Animal Keeper,
That the Lion had eaten their son.
The keeper was quite nice ahout it;
He said 'What a nasty mishap.
Arc you sure that it's your boy he's eaten?'
Pa said 'Am I sure? There's his cap!'
The manager had to he sent for.
He came and he said 'What's to do?'
Pa said 'Yon Lion's 'et. Albert,'
And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too.'
Then Mother said, 'Right's right, young feller;
I think it's a shame and a sin,
For a lion to go and eat AIbert,
And after we've paid to come in.'
The manager wanted no trouble,
He took out his purse right away,
Saying 'How much to settle the matter?'
And Pa said 'What do you usually pay?'
But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone.
She said 'No! someone's got to be summonsed' -
So that was decided upon.
Then off they went to the Police Station,
In front of the Magistrate chap;
They told 'im what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing his cap.
The Magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.
At that Mother got proper blazing,
'And thank you, sir, kindly,' said she.
'What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy Lions? Not me

Q.2 flies in an airing cupboard. Which one's the soldier?
A.The one on the tank.

funintheday2006 replies on 8/10/2006 8:33 pm:
I want em, I love the dourness of them. I was dragged up in Yokshy and still finf those people the best on Earth at being straight.
My mums a cockney and her aying is
' Yu can make a friend in Yorkshire within a minute and lose them just as quick, in London it will take years but, you've got one for life. She is biased of course

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
8/10/2006 6:54 pm

Yorkshire? Can you get me special pricing on a container load of Sam Smith's?

funintheday2006 replies on 8/10/2006 8:35 pm:
EE, lass fo thee th'all pay less un summat wi nowt taken owt.

Glad you're back Kel, hope you are feeling better babe

economickrisis 56M

8/10/2006 9:29 pm

    Quoting rm_kelli4u2dew:
    Yorkshire? Can you get me special pricing on a container load of Sam Smith's?
Yer askin the wrong bloke luv. Fun pimp is the Yorkshire Puddin Man

funintheday2006 replies on 8/10/2006 10:15 pm:
Ba gum lad, thus nowt rong wi a pint o smiths n pudin, tradition.

laceylady1000 53M/57F
185 posts
8/11/2006 7:07 am

Yo Fun- flippin' 'eck- pinpoint accuracy with the dialect!Impressive.
I'm not a pure bred eastmidlander tho as my mum was from London.She was considered an 'Eastwinder' (a stranger blown in by the east wind)
for about 15 years before the villagers finally accepted her as one of their own.....they were incredibly insular in those days. Still might be I spose.

And RubyTues- thanks for Albert-I would love the others if thats ok-particularly the one about the insurance man, ending with 'go see what the tigers can do' We used to have it on a record, but my wicked stepmother threw them all out when my dad was in hospital just before he died...but thats another story.

funintheday2006 replies on 8/11/2006 9:59 pm:
Roobs is the Pam Ayers of Blogland, me duck.

IAmRubytuesday 56F
3193 posts
8/11/2006 4:40 pm

For Fun_God and Laceylady - down with wicked stepmothers!!! Enjoy.

You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom,
In the Zoo up at Blackpool one year,
With a stick and 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
Gave a lion a poke in the ear.
The name of the lion was Wallace,
The poke in the ear made 'im wild;
And before you could say 'Bob's your Uncle,'
'E'd up and 'e'd swallered the child.
'E were sorry the moment 'e'd done it,
With children 'e'd always been chums,
And besides, 'e'd no teeth in 'is noddle,
And 'e couldn't chew Albert on t'gums.
'E could feel the lad moving inside 'im,
As 'e lay on 'is bed of dried ferns,
And it might 'ave been little lad's birthday,
'E wished 'im such 'appy returns.
But Albert kept kicking and fighting,
Till Wallace arose feeling bad,
And felt it were time that 'e started,
To stage a come-back for the lad.
So with 'is 'ead down in a corner,
On 'is front paws 'e started to walk,
And 'e coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled,
Till Albert shot out like a cork.
Old Wallace felt better direc'ly,
And 'is figure once more became lean,
But the only difference with Albert
Was 'is face and 'is 'ands were quite clean.
Meanwhile Mister and Missus Ramsbottom
'Ad gone 'ome to tea feeling blue;
Ma says 'I feel down in the mouth like,'
Pa says 'Aye! I bet Albert does too.'
Said Ma 'It just goes for to show yer
That the future is never revealed,
If I thought we was going to lose 'im
I'd 'ave not 'ad 'is boots soled and 'eeled.
'Let's look on the bright side,' said Father
'What can't be 'elped must be endured,
Every cloud 'as a silvery lining,
And we did 'ave young Albert insured.'
A knock on the door interupted
As Father these kind words did speak,
'Twas the man from t'Prudential, e'd called for,
their 'tuppence per person per week.'
When Father saw who 'ad been knocking,
'E laughed and 'e kept laughing so,
The young man said 'What's there to laugh at?'
Pa said 'You'll laugh an' all when you know.'
'Excuse 'me for laughing,' said Mother,
'But really things 'appen so strange,
Our Albert's been ate by a lion,
You've got to pay us for a change.'
Said the young feller from the Prudential,
'Now, come come, let me understand this,
You don't mean to say that you've lost 'im?
'Oh, no! we know just where 'e is.'
When the young man 'ad 'eard all the details,
A bag from 'is pocket he drew,
And 'e paid them with int'rest and bonus,
The sum of nine pounds four and two.
Pa 'ad scarce got 'is 'and on the money,
When a face at the window they see,
And Mother says 'Eeh! look, it's Albert,'
And Father says 'Aye, it would be.'
Young Albert came in all excited,
And started 'is story to give,
And Pa says 'I'll never trust lions,
Again for as long as I live.'
The young feller from the Prudential
To pick up the money began,
And Father says 'Eeh! just a moment,
Don't be in a hurry, young man.'
Then giving young Albert a shilling,
He said 'Pop off back to the Zoo.
'Ere's yer stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
Go and see what the Tigers can do!'

You've heard of Albert Ramsbottom,
And Mrs Ramsbottom and Dad,
And the trouble the poor Lion went to
Trying to stomach the lad.
Now after the Lion disgorged him,
Quite many a day had gone by;
But the Lion just sat there and brooded
With' a far away look in his eye.
The keepers could nowt do with Lion
He seemed to be suffering pain,
He seemed to be fretting for summat,
And the curl had gone out of his mane.
He looked at his food and ignored it,
Just gazed far away into space;
When Keepers tried forcible feeding
They got it all back in their face.
And at Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom's
The same kind of thing had begun -
And though they tried all sorts of measures,
They couldn't rouse Albert their son.
Now Mr Ramsbottom got fed up
With trying to please him in vain,
And said 'If you don't start to buck up
I'll take you to Lion again.'
Now instead of the lad getting frightened
And starting to quake at the knees,
He seemed to be highly delighted
And shouted 'Oh, Dad, if you please.'
His father thought he had gone potty,
His Mother went nearly insane,
But Albert just stood there and bellowed
'I want to see Lion again.'
Now Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Decided the best thing to do,
Was to give way to Albert and take him
Straightaway back to the Zoo.
The moment the lion saw Albert,
T'were the first time for weeks it had stirred:
It moved the left side of its whiskers,
Then lay on its back and just purred.
And before anybody could stop him,
Young Albert were stroking its paws;
And whilst the crowd screamed for the Keepers
The little lad opened its jaws.
The crowd by this time were dumbfounded,
His Mother herself was beside,
But they knew by the bumps and the bulges
That Albert were once more inside.
Then all of a sudden the Lion
Stood up and let out a roar;
And Albert, all smiling and happy,
Came out with a thud on the floor.
The crowd by this time were all cheering,
And Albert stood there looking grand
With his stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle
Clutched in his chubby young hand.
The Lion grew so fond of Albert
He couldn't be parted from lad;
And so the Zoological Keepers
Sent round a note to his Dad.
'We regret to say t'Lion is worried
And pining for your little man,
So sending you Lion tomorrow,
Arriving in plain coloured van.'
And if you call round any evening,
When Albert has gone off to rest,
There’s the lion all tucked up beside him,
Asleep, with his head on his chest.

All together now.......Aaaaaaaaw, bless!!! Roobs. xxx

Q.2 flies in an airing cupboard. Which one's the soldier?
A.The one on the tank.

funintheday2006 replies on 8/11/2006 10:01 pm:
I luv em Got more??

laceylady1000 53M/57F
185 posts
8/11/2006 5:53 pm

You have just made my day Rubes.... thanks xxxx

funintheday2006 replies on 8/11/2006 10:01 pm:
She is sweet. Glad your happy

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