Oops, I Did It Again  

frogger1995 40F
4342 posts
12/8/2005 5:23 pm

Last Read:
9/26/2006 6:27 pm

Oops, I Did It Again

I just came from a Thank You party from the folks from Loyola visiting my school. They certainly know how to feed a crowd, much more than folks here in Houston. They also know how to get a crowd drunk...so I am leaving off the politics for tonight and going with the runner up...much safer. I'll probably still regret it in the morning...but who cares!

I’ve been seeing a guy from this site that I have not mentioned here…at least not so’s you would know him very well. Unfortunately I have begun to make the mistake of like liking him. NO not love, just like…which is something you just don’t do with someone you meet on an adult sex and swingers site.

Don’t get me wrong, I have liked all of my Adult Friends…some very fondly. But it wasn’t that kind of jump-when-he-snaps-his-fingers type of liking. And don’t get me wrong again…he is a very nice guy. He never snaps or yells at me, even when I push his buttons, as I am so very wont to do. He certainly never takes advantage of me and even lets me have my way most of the time. Plus I have it on good authority that he is just as smitten with me.

The problem is, I suffer the same affliction that many an unhappy wife suffers from (and I’m not even married!). He loves his job more than he could ever love anyone else. Actually, he assures me that this is not the case. But when your workday starts at 5 in the morning and usually doesn’t end before 9:00 at night…there is some kind of affection there.

We were supposed to meet last night (finally!) for dinner, since he didn’t have to coach, or teach, or work on his business, or meet with friends, or was just plain tired. At 3 p.m. he sent the following message to me. See if you can catch the Freudian slip:

“the girl coaches asked me to work their basketball games, i told them i had plans, but they said they had nobody to refferee [sic] thier [sic] games and begged me to do them, if i get done before 8:30 , i will call you, i had a great time with you, you are very sexy and pretty, talk to you tonight sorry about the change, but i have to help, since i am the only certified official on campus.”

So I am cutting the ties. I always thought that line “It’s not you, it’s me” was a bunch of malarkey. But it isn’t him…it is in fact me. I want more than he can give and it’s making me something between unhappy and pissed off. Definitely a place I don’t want to be.

Fortunately I have people like my Secret Benefactor (who I am adamantly fond of) who came to see me on Monday...all the way from another state. He knows me well enough to have brought me a book as a present, which I will start on as soon as I finish my Al Franken book.

He prefers to remain anonymous so I will not discuss our going ons. But if you saw a gold Toyota speeding down the 59 at 90 mph that was me trying to get him to the airport on time...he made it thankfully.

Things to be Happy About:

Fusible webbing
Acrylic paint
Brown Clothes

rm_VoodooGuru1 50M
2053 posts
12/8/2005 6:46 pm

How is the new Al Franken book, Frogger? I've heard it isn't as good as "Lies...." I got a gift card to Borders for my birthday - I'm planning on "Freakonomics" but once I get inside a book store... actions don't always follow intentions.

norprin5 56M

12/8/2005 7:27 pm

light one up, pour yourself a glass of wine and play 'Love Stinks' by J Geils Band

King Nor XVIII

Greenguy96 44M

12/8/2005 7:52 pm

Your not doing anything wrong. You have to do what makes you happy. Lifes to short. Glade you have fun.

TalonDuddyTonks 48M
659 posts
12/8/2005 10:07 pm

You have learned another life lesson... and in the end .. u have to keep yourself happy.. .. enjoy your book..

fishy7425 46M

12/8/2005 10:19 pm

That sucks, hon. I feel for ya. If he's got a functioning neuron in his melon, he'll snap to it soon; but if not, I can think of about a jillion other guys willing to line up for a chance at making you happy.

(The line starts here, bitches!)

funtoplay1973 45M
69 posts
12/8/2005 10:21 pm

While I don't know you, never met you, only read your blog... Maybe that is quite a lot...

At any rate. You are at that place where you have to take a huge risk or pull back to protect yourself. Unfortunately, so does he. And THAT is hard. It happens in every relationship. It sucks too. Sounds like HE pulled back. Well, I'm in Houston every couple months! LOL.

Actually. What I'm trying to say is this. What do you have to lose? Him?

curious_nine79 39M

12/8/2005 11:48 pm

That was eerily reminiscent of what I went through. placing work before the relationship. thanks for the reminder. not a good idea in hindsight. and i understand why you'd choose to leave. hope you find a good one.

rm_Ville72hki 46M
3 posts
12/9/2005 12:35 am

It's sometimes hurts when you have to stay true to yourself. But if relationship, that is based on having fun and good time, is giving you too much something, that is not fun and good times, there's not much you can do. Some day you gonna be happy that you made your decision early enough.

mikrocam 41M

12/9/2005 1:31 am

hi frogger,
freudian slip well and truly spotted!!!
hmmm.... attractive, humourous and sensual woman or coaching basketball??? I'd have thought that would be a no-brainer, but, apparently only if you have a brain...
best of luck which ever way you decide
Ps.. thanks for the visit and may the tickler rest in peace!

frogger1995 40F

12/9/2005 5:36 am

VoodooGuru1: Well it isn't nearly as funny. Don't buy it expecting to laugh your ass off ever five seconds like in Lies and Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot. But it is pretty informative.

norprin5: Well I haven't completely given up on love...but it does Stink!

Greenguy96: Life is too short to dwell on things like this...at least it wasn't love...then it would be worse.

NameIsRace: Yes...I think once I move on and have fun then it will be better.

fishy7425: LOL...but it's so hard to start from scratch. YOu have that first akward date where you are feeling each other out...

funtoplay1973: I think there is pulling back on both sides. I will have to be the one to finally cut the cord.

curious_nine79: Well it's early enough that I don't expect him to place me before his responsibilities but it would be nice if he just stuck to our plans.

Ville72hki: Yeah...it would have been much worse if I had actaully slipped over the edge and fallen in love.

mikrocam: I wonder if he has caught his own slip...coaching basketball indeed!

Jobe00 43M
211 posts
12/9/2005 6:17 am

Sorry to hear that a connection didn't really connect for you, Froggie.
At least you have others you can fall back on, such as Secret Benefactor (Why do I now think of this guy as a character from an Austin Power movie?).

The Freudian slip was amusing. Hope he had fun doing them.

im_your_man77 40M
961 posts
12/9/2005 7:17 am

Hmm ok looks like I have to break from the majority of opinion here. Why me? Oye! Are you sure this breaking up is the right thing to do. You like him, you are fairly sure he likes you, he treats you right, he treats you with the respect that you like, you are both good for each other. You enjoy your time together. So what that you met on an adult site, no big deal. You meet good people in all sorts of ways, you also meet jerks in all those places too. So ok you only like him now, its not love you say, and you are trying to protect yourself from anything that may happen, its understandable but is it not also worth the risk? Ok he works long hours and he seems pretty dedicated to that job but with the influence that can change. From what I've read that just shows how nice a guy he is, he has a chance to spend some time with a beautiful intelligent woman such as yourself and he took time out for a girls basketball game. He's a nice guy, don't punish him or yourself for that.
I'll warn you now part of my reasoning behind writing this might be because I am a romantic and also because I recognise some of myself in him. I'm a workaholic too, I work from 9 in the morning to 11 at night in the summer, 7 days a week, not much less in the winter, but part of that is because I have no excuse to stay home, if I found that someone worth spending time with I would change my work pattern in a heartbeat, I'm certain he would do the same. I know, I know, you are probably saying that I'm not sure if I want to do that to him but let him make that decision. You really never know what you could be missing out on if you walk away now. He's a nice guy, he works hard sure, but if you give him the chance, if he really does like you as much as you say then you will get the reward that comes with him being nice and a hard worker, he will put in as much work into the two of you. I sure as hell would. Now stop being chicken, you know you want it, you know thats the reason for walking away. It might not have came when you wanted it or expected it but hey thats life. Make him an ultimatium, he has to want it as much as you, he has to give you what you require if he takes up the challenge you have your answer, if not you can always walk away then.
On a lighter note, what is al franken like I've got like a million books at home, in truth I collect them faster than I can read them, but no al franken. Ok I'm going to stop typing now, time to put something warmer on, it's damn cold!

sillyperv 55M

12/9/2005 8:56 am

How can he say no, he's got a girl's basketball team begging for him to do them. Be realistic, there's only one of you. And if you think about it, wouldn't you like to be so passionate about something that you're will to work 12 to 15 hours a day? Personally, no, but I'm lazy.
Oh yeah, politics all the way. It's an adult site, lets get the blood going.

rm_unlistedone 67M
2718 posts
12/9/2005 9:10 am

Frogger, I guess I'm one of the ones that loves his job, also. Have been known to put in over a 100 plus hours a week at it. It's not a career... it is actually a lifestyle. It is what I am. It's what I do. It is who I am.

Even when away from it, I'm not really. At a party like the one you were at today, most people ask things (in just making casual conversation) about the things in my job. They want to talk about it... and want me to talk about it. Sometimes I would love to talk about "anything" else. But most of the time I simply don't get that opportunity. (Another reason for me being here in blogland.)

That really sounds like your friend. And he also sounds in a way like me... probably too nice at times to say "no" every now and then. And I paid the price for it, too. One marriage, that was already in trouble that couldn't handle all of the demands.

Everyone has to pay the piper for something. Since you "like" him, does he have to pay the piper for not being able to be in two places at the same time? Some guys who aren't tied to the office are usually tied to a lot of other things. Sounds like he is one of them.

I guess I just felt the need to come to his defense. No one came to mine. I would hate to see someone you "like" go down in flames without a chance.

Now, for the important thought...
why "happy about... Brown Clothes?"

Have a wonderful weekend, unlisted

TakesTeatsStood 51M
505 posts
12/9/2005 10:29 am

Hmmmmm considering the can't spell 'referee' or ‘their,’ I would not be shocked that he also is lousy at grammar and understanding that the WAY you write something can open it up to misinterpretation.

I am one of those coming to his defense... all I read in that is he was the only guy on campus certified to officiate games and the girl's team coach (es?) cornered him and he agreed.

That doesn't excuse the other angle, that being that he might be more committed to his job than you would be willing to put up with, but if he is SOO bust as you feel - do you really think he is also busy setting up other rendezvous with other women???

Either way you have a wonderful head on your shoulders and I know all will be fine - just felt like I missed the Freudian slip and re-read it several times not really seeing it. Perhaps it is because I was the victim of being been misunderstood many times when I first started communicating using chat and e-mail.

JessAnn25 38F
19 posts
12/9/2005 1:15 pm

I just adore your boobies!!!!

TheOne7892 39M
1 post
12/9/2005 1:27 pm

Iwould love to play with them beatiful round breasts and lick that body from your big toe to the last strane of hair on your head

frogger1995 40F

12/9/2005 5:48 pm

Jobe00: Yes, you win some you loose some.

im_your_man77: How refreshing! I have been pondering that very thing. But ultimately it is up to him. I refuse to put an ultimatum on him this early in the game. But right now it looks as though it ultimately will go nowhere so I better get out before I get hurt.

sillyperv: I suppose that would be hard to give up...I certainly hope he had fun!

unlistedone: Good point. But if he has read this entry it's probably too late. Then again he was probably too busy to read it after all..perhaps there is a chance.

Brown clothes, there is nothing better to remind me of autumn.

postingnick: I suppose that is a posibilit..in which case I REALLY need to get out. As for the slip read from the second [sic] to "them."

courtcontempt: REally!? I would have thought the other way around. But, like I said earlier, it may be already too late.

JessAnn25: lol...thanks?

TheOne7892: Again...thanks?

rm_JstLukn 49M
2 posts
12/9/2005 6:12 pm

Hey you. It's his loss. You might have gotten a little too wrapped up into it...but c'mon...from 5 am-9pm? Especially when he's staying away from you. tsch tsch tsch.

Take care.

texascanadian05 55M
76 posts
12/9/2005 7:20 pm

I can't see where the Fruedian slip was, but anyone who would blow you off deserves what's coming to him.

watchmesquirm 47F  
99 posts
12/10/2005 4:39 am

The Freudian slip in my opinion is the word "had" in his statement: will call you, i had a great time with you, you are very sexy and pretty, talk to you tonight.

Continue to play a starring role in your life and if he wants you he will make time for you. If he doesn't make it happen then he just isn't into you.

Jobe00 43M
211 posts
12/10/2005 6:35 am

Here's the Freudian slip if you missed it:

"they said they had nobody to refferee [sic] thier [sic] games and begged me to do them, if i get done before 8:30 , i will call you"

im_your_man77 40M
961 posts
12/10/2005 7:10 am

It's up to you in the end I'm not going to try and convince you the merits of changing your mind, you are your own person and sometimes you have to listen to your gut. I will just say this thou, occasionally you have to give someone that little bit of encouragment before they will make the move. Some people will all too easily give up the fight if another person says it isn't going to work out, we men are ultimately stupid creatures, a woman says 'eh its not going to work out' we think thats exactly what it means, we don't always read between the lines, or even when we do, we convince ourselves that we are seeing things.
When I was in my early 20s, any time I got anywhere close to having a relationship that was serious I would ultimately look for excuses to walk away because I didn't want to be hurt. I have no idea why that behaviour started or where it came from but I repeated it on a couple of occasions and then I started to put all my energies into my work, so then I never had the chance to do the same again. As much as I missed the physical relationship I think I have miss the emotional even more. Now you are a different person to me, for one you have a far better work/life/leisure balance thing going on but I recognise some of the same techniques I used to protect myself from pain. I think from what I've read and reading between the lines you really would like that emotional relationship right now but you are afraid of what that may bring if it doesn't work out. Life is a risk, pain and joy can come from all our decisions. HE may hurt you, but then again he may give you so much more joy than he could ever give you pain. All he may need is that little bit of encouragement to prove it to you. If you do go forward with it and you need someone to talk to I'm a great listener, feel free, you can even curse at me and say I told you so if it comes to that. Oye so much to me trying not to convince you. Listen to your gut my all means, but don't let the if's, but's and maybe's affect your decision. Ok I'm going to shut up now unless I am invited to do otherwise, I have no business sticking my nose in this.

im_curious_4u 51M

12/10/2005 2:58 pm

Move on Frogger. There are more guys in the pond.

rm_swivertoo 70M
8 posts
12/10/2005 7:15 pm

Dear Frogger,


Have now read all 17 pages of blog. Sure, I'm a Standard & its a Saturday night, but, hey, I blew off listening to Garrison Keillor to do so (you were 3 when I became a regular denizen of Lake W), and am now postponing turning on the great Blues program that follows it up here in the just blizzard Greater Boston Area. Had to once I started reading.

Its actually a shame you didn't start this on the regular web. It is that good. (And if you just've bought a house, even in Houston, you could afford to put it up until the clicks came in.) Its getting better as it's less and less Frogger's My Secret Life. (But, gawd, Don't -- Stop. You've reeled in all of us.) For all that passing English-ugh comment way back, your talent and driveness has in these few months measureably increased your skills in effective blogging. Your topics are evolving into both more general and more personal, re the political posts, the calling-them-on-it posts, this one and the one above, etc. Matching up post theme and icon is a fine touch too. Toning down content isn't even the issue. By broadening it, you're reaching out to other interests.

Its the pictures, first (I may have to become a Gold Member just to Experience The Whole Frogger Experience), they'd have to go. I mean, it wasn't the leash in that one LA pic that was, well, interesting. If the American public "gets" Plushy Animal Dressing from a CSI episode, than Sub & Dom is about to break out into standard TIME shorthand. It was what I presume was the leather paddle, handle stuck into your ass crack that took that pic over the Hot Line, where I almost stopped reading to, ah, "interact" with the visual experience. And that would be a great loss to the style of what you are doing. You need, presently, this safe environment to exhibit yourself, a format in which you are creating yourself as a modern version of the Grand Horizontals & their Salons. You've even gotten Benefactors who you've Rewarded. The effort here is not just to try, but to fulfill. Not just to show, but to tell. Not just to tell, but to listen. That last refers to your responses under comments. Lawdy, the time you spend on this, how did you get that professional paper written?

Then there's the content. Nothing that Belle de Jour didn't do (ok, more detail here to be sure). Its just that she started off anonymously and was vigilant about keeping easy access info to a minimum. As have others, like the guy who ran Underneath as a woman lawyer. Maintaining that necessary fig leaf regarding your day job. Its getting harder to do, especially as you've recently gone Public in Purple for the Huskies. Any decent reporter has to make just five phone calls and he knows who the "Houston sex star of AdultFriendFinder" is; plus he's got the paper trail of school knicknames, other blogs, etc. to walk the trail backwards to LA and 1995. And, really, you now know a lot of people in Houston, you talk with some coworkers about this, so you think no one higher up in the University is unawares of this, or won't be shortly? Of course they couldn't out you directly as they'd out themselves, but a slip to a local reporter...

So going full web would mean a real re-think of what you're trying to do or say and how to present it. Calling it Frogger Does The Dewey Decimal System is Right Out.

And yet the work you are doing on this and what it's developoing as seems to me to be building to something bigger, web-wize. That's my take on the blog itself after a three hour read. And its been a Great Movie in my head, too.

Next Post -- Sex and Love

rm_swivertoo 70M
8 posts
12/10/2005 8:09 pm

Dear Frogger,


Well, its certainly an education for me to see what one member of the post-Y {?} generation is up to. You're experimenting and learning and being safe about it. Go for it, says this DOM. It's a limited mind that even touches base with any part of the double standard these days. Women are jet fighters for God's sake.

BUT I didn't say drop your Standards. You are diligent in practicing Full Safe Sex, and we've already shared your ethical/moral evolution about dating married men. You've already figured out its the quality, not the quantity. You are NOT ready to settle down, men are just too tasty for you, and you've not directly expressed here just the type of man who could persuade you to settle. Or rather confronted openly the types that work for you.

The coach isn't right because he's unseasoned. All of your intense experiences as written here are with seasoned men, mostly the significantly older man, such as Mr. Mensa, I suspect the current BOF [Benefactor of Frogger] & the Leash Guy. The ones I suspect more around your own age such as HMV are the Uniformed Ones, seasoned in a different way. As you noted way back, the uniform is an icon for responsibility, shorthand for all the things you listed. (It slides over to the fascination with the Texas Gun guys. The Provider Skill isn't in shooting the beaties but in the hands-on knife work for gutting & dressing--Louis Leakey of Olduvai Gorge fame used to shock visiting academics with these skills but it was how he knew which stone tool designs could really do the job.)

You haven't fallen in love because the model you are measuring the young guys up against is that of the Married Man. And the married MEna are safely married. You weren't doing it because it was slightly transgressive/dangerous (it was/is) or that you wanted to know there was a part of you in their heads when they went home to hearth (a form of belt-notching), but because your are building in your head the characteristics of what that presently Unmarried Married Man has to have. You just haven't decided to go find him yet. You're still doing research on that model. But you already know he has to be x+ years older, taller by a good bit, white or latino, very intelligent and seasoned enough to be effectively dom over you as in "I'm not taking that $#&+, girl". Just look at your Young/Old list. (Functional Dom is different from being Truly Dom. You don't want to meet one of those.)

How your relationship with your own father is the fuel for this is for you to consider. After all, you're the oldest child, the eldest daughter, best friends with Mom and...

Maybe it'll be the guy who figures out what to really do with the back of your neck. You've mentioned that only twice but it seems an unexplored key point. (Careful with those choking fantasies.)

Just know that if you don't get a blindedside hit by Cupid, you CAN grow the pink cherubic hellion by letting your go emotionally with the fellow who excites you 'cause he more than meets your expectations.

And if I wasn't as lustfully worshipping of you as I seem to be becoming, I'd be proud to have you as my daughter. And we'll stop there.

Next-Work and Career

rm_swivertoo 70M
8 posts
12/10/2005 8:48 pm

Dear Frogger,

The Great Missing Themes are Work and Career. Yes, I know this is AdultFriendFinder and its SUPPOSED to be all about sex with a soupcon of love. Still, just where are you going here?

Let's see. There's the BA, likely an MA, then a regular law dgree{?} and THEN a doctorate {JD?} You did mention doctorate work but I'm not now checking context. All by the time you are 26 - you've been on the job 2 years if I remember correctly. Wow, you are a VERY smart albiet hard-hardworking young woman.

So, what are you doing working every other Sunday at this Very Good University library? You could have gone to Simmons here in Boston for an MLS to do THAT.

Now I love books too (& more) but you've got talent and now that you're mostly through an MA in Fucking, what are your plans? Getting the house seems to indicate "Settling". Mortgages even more than babies make you Responsbile and more limited in risk taking. (I remember all that quite well.) What do you expect to do with all those degrees and hard-won learning, and those brains? Why aren't you in Sacramento or DC or even over on the policy side of academic work, getting ready for the jobs open to Bright Young Democratic Things starting January 2009?

Because the absolutely Most Sexiest thing about you is your brain and how you apply it, in this case to sex. The young guys are just reacting to the hormones, yours as well as theirs. The older guys are reacting to the gestalt, the all of you, and they know how overpowering it is, which is why you are getting the trips-vacations-support offers. That the icons tease us with only a partial face or a shaded by hair glimpse as opposed to the Bodacious Booty we see regularly, demonstrates you know this quite well. And then there's the power of a face -- how the eyes look, and the brow works etc. Re also you comments on the eyeglass picture at your other blog. Day to day, our faces are our visual stand-in for our brains and how they think and feel. Hand is nothing compared to Face.

But the influence of a Grand Horizontal extends just so far, as does the woman subsumed in hearth & babies. Thank god you've got something published (I never cracked that) but what's the goal here? Running Harvard Law's library or Houghton itself. I don't think your ambition stops at Sunday reference desking or leading a sub-section of the ALA. Screw the needs of newbie graduate students. Self-teaching is mostly what they should be learning now. Give them the How-To-Steps and get back to the really important stuff.

And if you are not trying to figure that out, then you need to start. From this end, career-wise, I assure you its more important than whether you ever get around to doing more than one threesome in your life. Time's moving on. You have things to do.

Highest regards.

singlequietone 68M
232 posts
12/12/2005 11:35 pm

For some reason, I caught "begged me to do them" on the first read. Very sorry you were treated in a way it hurt. I know something about that, and you know what I'm talking about. You're strong, and you will continue to go forward at the pace you desire. Also, you can't find anyone any more "smitten" with you, than me. Luv Ya.

daddy23002 34M
6 posts
12/15/2005 7:06 am

DAMN i wish i can suck on those and do a little more get at me at AdultFriendFinder

daddy23002 34M
6 posts
12/15/2005 7:07 am

Damn great body can i come and play get at me on AdultFriendFinder

rm_sbaby44boy 40M

12/16/2005 11:31 am

I just want to say I think u are treuly a intellignet women and that is your greatest asset. Anyway I think that b/c of the world and times we are in today we as people value money too much along with material items, that we can loose site of things. People think that the most important thing they can do for there kids or spouse is provide them with all the stuff money can buy. With that desire to make money there focous on provide there family with goods instead of with time. Spending time is becomeing out dated along with readind books, I mean most people have more cds'or dvds' than actually books....lol. But as a man its also hard b/c women want u to have the money and spend the time. Thats a hard combination to have one or there other overtakes the other. And most relationships or marriages end over money so its a catch 22. I think the guy was doing a good thing as far as giving back to the community but u also have to wonder if he try was a player. Anyhow love you blogs, brain, and body. Bye and be easy.....

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