Rules to dating someones daughter  

freetime648 53F
7629 posts
8/26/2005 7:43 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Rules to dating someones daughter

These rules were sent to me by my dear friend Nipafluff:

Rule One

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so
long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends
complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this
issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your
underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not
However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off
during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my
nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing
"barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it
comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five

In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports,
politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only
information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to
my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you

Rule Six

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her
cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on
time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on
her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden
Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something
like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is
enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff
T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down
parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual
theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.
games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding,
dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are
going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five
acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the
in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to
my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit
your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely
and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come
inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

xx FREETIME648 xx

rm_EE407 42F
3903 posts
8/29/2005 6:07 am

I think I'll use the same rules when and if I have daughters...

freetime648 53F

8/28/2005 11:17 am

Ohhhhhh Gamster, just when you get through one you have to go through 2 more! I pity you.....I really do! Bless you and Godspeed! LOL

xx FREETIME648 xx

freetime648 53F

8/28/2005 11:16 am

Fallic, use these rules and I am sure that anyone who comes to your door will fear you! Good luck!!!!!

xx FREETIME648 xx

freetime648 53F

8/28/2005 11:15 am

Nipa, he doesn't really read my blogs! Maybe he should start huh???

xx FREETIME648 xx

Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
8/27/2005 6:32 am

I have two daughters and the oldest is just starting to date. I want the guys she goes out with to understand that I have Irish and English blood and that I operate under a different set of cultural rules than they are used too.

I want the guys she goes out with in mortal fear of me (and they are also in mortal fear of her step father too).

gamster69 48M/45F
3 posts
8/27/2005 5:38 am

With 3 girls I will keep these handy

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
2386 posts
8/26/2005 10:32 am

Even without a complete Rule 5, that is very funny ... if rather reasonable

Thanks - to both of you!

freetime648 53F

8/26/2005 7:46 am

Sorry everyone....Rule 5 got cut off

xx FREETIME648 xx

Become a member to create a blog