the girl in the soul searching journey  

finelady4_44 57F
421 posts
3/12/2006 12:06 pm

Last Read:
4/20/2006 8:49 am

the girl in the soul searching journey

We met in a chat room..and for two years we flirted, toyed, played, had amazing phone sex, and eventually professed our love. We were both newly separated, hurting,lost, lonely when we met.I was attracted to him like a moth to a flame

I loved driving him crazy on my cam. I fed off of his desire for me, his arousal, aroused me in turn. I knew just how to look deeply in the cam, just how to cup my breasts, lick my nipples, I knew every trigger to make him insane wth desire.

Once, twice, three times, he said he would come to me, he had to be with me, he had to make it real. Anticipation, excitement would build, only to be followed by disappointment and hurt. Some thing, some excuse, plans cancelled, and a broken heart would follow.

He would never give me a way to reach him..he claimed his lawyer said his soon to be ex might trace calls to me, yet he called me at work, home and cell.

A dozen times or more, heart hurting, I would walk away, confused, angry at myself for being a fool, trying to understand my addiction to this man that hurt me so.
A dozen times I forgave and came back.

Each broken promise wounding me deeper, I finally reaized he only hurt me because I allowed him to.

I was the girl in the box, thats all I was. The pretty lady with the pretty breasts that could excite him and delight him on cam.

Such a fool I was for my age, I should have known sooner, my body was all he craved, my heart and mind meant nothing . He said all the pretty words a woman wants to hear, swore his love to me, but he was no fool..he knew the pretty words would keep the girl in the square box, the girl on cam, doing all the things he needed.

Since I finally woke up, I have found myself unable to trust or get close to anyone...I keep them an arms length away.

My hope is, by writing this, my healing will begin.

spike0990 60M  
103 posts
3/13/2006 8:48 pm

You are a sexy,beautiful woman.As I said before any man would be lucky to be with you,Love Spike

rm_hyhung 48M
11 posts
3/15/2006 6:02 am

I don't have a soon to be x...single parent tho, I sent you a message on the smile guy...hope you get back to me. My life is a pretty open book and well...hopefully we can chat soon!!I think your smart sexy, sensual, and just about the most level headed lady with the bloggy thing!

escape300 42M
94 posts
3/22/2006 1:08 am

Fine Wine if you still need some healing the good doctor is in the house

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