Reader Beware...  

fieldsofdaisy 42F
1343 posts
7/8/2006 8:05 am

Last Read:
5/15/2007 3:07 pm

Reader Beware...


So, I once again am facing a bit of blogger's block. Wait... Hm. More like blogger's apathy. LOL! Just don't want to expend the energy to come up with something. SO. I am going to plagiarize myself a bit, and offer you something from the mommy archives. Enjoy!

I am amazed that kids ever make it to adulthood. And, to be honest? I'm amazed that parents ever make it through their kids' childhood.

Need an example?

Mmm. Let me elaborate for you a bit.

Quick note: Are you eating right now? Put it down. Step away from the doughnuts, spaghetti, or ham sandwich. You will NOT want to be eating for this one.

So, if I hadn't mentioned it yet, Girl is crawling now. It's actually been wonderful, for several reasons, but that's not why we're here, now is it? Tonight, she was making her way around the family room floor. Boy was watching a movie, and I was watching them both, but also trying to figure out the Cryptoquote in today's paper. It gets to be about bedtime (ah... sweet relief!), and I go to pick up Girl to get her ready. I notice a discolored area at the neckline of her shirt. I thought, "Hm. Well, she probably just spit up a little. It almost looks dirty, though? Well, this carpet isn't the cleanest (considering this is the only room in the house that the dogs are allowed in), no big deal..." This is all going through my head as I carry her back to her room. As we are walking into her room, I notice she's doing this funny mouth/expression thing. It's relatively new, but I THINK it means that she might have something in her mouth. So, I put her down on the changing table, pull off her socks, pull of her pants, and then decide to check out what may or may not be in her mouth. So, I pry open her mouth, take a look around, and see something inside her left cheek that she's kinda working around. I finger sweep it out. Look at it. Hmmm. Smell it.

HOLY FUCKING GOD. MY EIGHT MONTH OLD DAUGHTER IS SUCKING ON A POOPBALL LIKE IT'S A PIECE OF FUCKING CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not kidding you, folks. This is my life.

Pardon me for a moment.

**pauses to lean over and violently puke guts out**

I'm back.

I swear. I am so ill. I cannot believe this. She was NOT acting like it was bad, either. What the fuck is wrong with my kids??? Why the poop-eating????? WHY???????? First one, then the other. I have no clue whether Girl's gourmet tidbit was dog poop (that may have traveled in on their feet) or possibly an escapee from Boy's diaper, but either way, I am SO sick. And, obviously, it wasn't in her mouth for only a few seconds either... thus the 'dirty' neckline of her shirt. Which, it turns out, was dirty from POOP COLORED SALIVA!!!!!

**Retching again**

And before you get all "how long has it been since she's vacuumed???" It has only been a few days. I swear.

Like it was candy. POOP. CANDY.

Dear, sweet Jesus. I do not think I am going to survive these kids. I really don't. Ok, my sanity might (MIGHT) make it, but my stomach sure as hell isn't.

rm_LassenView 50M
3 posts
7/8/2006 1:39 pm

Theres no comment that can even begin to compete. Yuck!!!!


Looking0100 55M

7/8/2006 2:06 pm

This may be an old post. But, I think that things like this may be normal. If you do not tell a child NOT to do something, they will do it. When they get old enough then will probably do it when you tell them no. Your child was very young at the time and would not have understood anything if you tried to explain "no".

I am sorry that you had to go through such a nasty experience with your daughter. And a while ago, you wrote a post about your son putting a Mr. Potato Head tongue up his butt. Which of course you did not like. I think what makes these situations FEEL worse (and I am not downplaying how bad they are) is that you tasted the tongue and smelled the poop ball. That has to be a bit disgusting I agree.

But these are children and your kids. Just give them lots of love and positive attention. Yes, they will do nasty things. But, they will stop doing them when they learn how bad they are. Be patient and teach them slowly, little by little.
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I have one simple idea that might help with your blogging problem. Please visit my blog. I have written about lots of different things and will continue to write about a variety of things. Look at the topics I have chosen and feel free to write a post or two based on anything you see. Please do not plagiarize me. I trust that you will not.

Whatever you do, have fun.


NTTs_ilsuconu 61M

7/9/2006 9:27 am

Poop Candy... well, I guess it's part of that basic instinct stuff, and how babies just automatically go for their mouths when they get something in their hands. Either that, or her tastebuds haven't quite developed! I never had the pleasure of having my own kids, but I sure got a kick out of a lot of stuff my nieces and nephews did! (And yeah, it is amazing how some kids survive to become adults--I'm often amazed that I survived to become an adult when I sometimes think of the far out stuff I did as a kid!)


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