Hung Up And Twisting In The Wind  

fancy_for_you 41F
3003 posts
7/15/2006 6:38 pm

Last Read:
7/16/2006 2:25 am

Hung Up And Twisting In The Wind

I came to this site to meet new people and learn of the things I have always wondered about and never experienced. I came to this site not knowing a soul except for my friend Mistress_Nessa. I joined the group she was a member of and now moderator of. All was well. I enjoyed the comradory and light hearted joking and joy that was shared by all who belonged to the group. They all welcomed me with open arms, even though I lived a few hundred miles away from them all. They all taught to me open up and be trusting. I was soon crawling out of my shell and letting my hair down.

I got to talking to alot of people in the group. They were the best friends a lady could ask for. A couple of wonderful men helped pay my way so I could attend a M&G the group was throwing. I appreciated that and still do. Those men didn't expect anything in return just that I had a good time and left with happy memories. I did do that. I loved my time spent with all the wonderful people in the group. And I had dreamed of going back for another M&G in the future.

Then there were a couple group upsets. Of which I won't say much, other than it caused some major hurt in the group. The group dynamics have changed from these hurts. Where we all used to joke around and say what's on our minds we don't do that any more. It has me very confussed. I know things change....that's just the way life is. BUT. What happened to make most of us feel we can't speak to each other? Why are we all letting those 2 things get to us. Too the point we don't COMMUNICATE anymore.

I go into chat and yeah it can be funny but it's a dry humor. Everyone is so afraid to tease and flirt and share anymore that it's like our group is dying out. For the first time in a month I was in chat last Monday or Tuesday night and we were all having fun like it used to be. To where we laughed so hard there were tears coming outta our eyes. And it has got me to thinking lately why isn't it like that more often anymore? Once in almost 2 months time isnt enough for me. I miss the openness and acceptance that our group used to have. I miss my friends who have said enough is enough and moved on from our group.

I know I chose to stay in the group and suck it up and weather out the storm so to speak, but it's begining to drain me. And I am begining to revert back into myself. I am becoming the old Fuzzy again. The one who is afraid to say what's on her mind for fear of being chastized or of hurting someone. The Fuzzy who is to shy to initiate contact. The scarey part is I am also becoming a very guarded person both mentally and physically. I don't know who I can talk to anymore. I don't know who I can trust. All day long I wonder wether I should stay or wether I should go. I just don't know.

Why is it people have to hold onto the bad things that happened? Why can't people let bygones be bygones and agree to disagree? Why can't we all learn from our mistakes and move on. I had until an innocent repost got put back on our threads. And wow the whole group goes into termoil over it. When do people quit living their lives on edge and just take one day at a time and make a promise to themselves to see the happiness and good in things instead of all the bad and negative. Even negative things have a positive side. I just wish people could see that.

This is more of a journal type entry than anything....I just needed a place to voice my thoughts and opinions so I can take a deep breath pull up my boot straps and move on again.



Djeeper1987 48M

7/15/2006 8:04 pm

Well I look forward to hearing your experiences. The ups and downs of your world.
Welcome to Blogville!!

Carpe Diem

ButteryDelight 59F

7/15/2006 10:49 pm

Speaking as one who has experienced this too, you can't go back, Fuzzy. There is only moving foreword. Try not to let them drag you down. And that is to myself I am saying that too, Fuzzy.

Buttery Delight

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