Shiva the Destroyer  

earthShiva 60M
270 posts
6/25/2006 10:07 pm

Last Read:
12/10/2006 6:12 am

Shiva the Destroyer

The moving process has been a real bitch! I'm still not clear that we're going to make our deadline, nor that everything is going to fit in the truck.

Going through the house and deciding what to take and what to leave behind has dealt several surprises. I am shocked at how much liquor we own. Alcohol is an occasional thing at best with either of us. We enjoy wine, but not enough to bother cellaring much, so it amazed me when I found we had a goo 12 cases of red wine lying around. The hard liquor (another 5 cases) didn't surprise me as much because we simply never consume it. (We still have gin and rye left over from our wedding!) I even threw away a mixed case of decent beer - Pisner Urquell, Sam Adams, Newcastle Brown, etc.

I was surprised at how easily I could let go of most things - antique clocks, rugs, china, etc.

The most wrenching part of packing up and deciding what to take and what to give up was the small things. Yesterday I threw out a corroded button to a civil war uniform. Worthless to a collector, it was a memento given to me by a woman, Carrie, in Riverdale, NY when D and I lived there. We were never close, but she was nice and a good neighbor, and she had given me this to remember her by. I had, in fact, forgotten her over the last 19 years and the memento did, in fact, do its job.

Now I have thrown that memento away. I'll remember her for a little while longer, but then she will fade in my mind, and will be gone. Yesterday I threw away more than a button. I threw away a person. Will she survive? I am sure. She's probably forgotten me just as I had forgotten her.

Even so, it is a different matter when one chooses to discard these memory triggers, rather than let the attrition take place naturally through our own natural attentions. Moving becomes a grand, destructive process. At times I found myself tossing things into trashcans with a manic, almost ecstatic abandon The very refusal to give an object full consideration was empowering in some strange and terrible way. At others, like the button incident, the decision left me sad, even nauseous.

I do not enjoy the destructive part of our sensibility. It isn't "nice", it isn't pretty, but it is something in us that truly mirrors the Divine. Creation and destruction must live in balance with one another. It is sad to leave people behind, but it is also necessary to make room for the new.

To own one's divinity, one must step up and accept that the destroyer in each of us must also have its day, lest unchecked creation leave us with no room to move or breathe. Today I can breathe a little more freely, but only because Carrie is gone forever. I threw the last little piece of her in the trash.

What about you? Have you thrown things away knowing that the person attached to ot would disappear as well? How did it work for you? Were you guilty over it? Empowered? Sad? Spiteful? Did they really disappear?


MoonRise9 59M

6/26/2006 5:42 am

I've often wondered whether our brains are like huge hard drives full of memories waiting to be triggered. Is the storage up there limitless?? I'm not sure the memories get deleted just because we lose or toss the triggers. I recently came across an old Bhagavandass cassette and played it. I enjoyed going back to that time 30+ years ago, hanging out with the Buddha boys in California.

When moving I have felt liberated by tossing "triggers of attachment", like lots of books I'll never read or refer to again, but were somehow symbolic of being an educated person. Duh, I'd rather look at a couple paintings on a wall, than a shelf-full of books, and the paintings are lighter to move. A friend of mine lost his huge, long-treasured record collection to a fire. After some brief grief, he was sooo happy to be free of his records and start his life anew.


sexyariesgirl 58F

6/26/2006 4:36 pm

My Mother kept EVERYTHING. I inherited the trait and so did my sister. The only difference is that my sister and I occasionally get a wild hair and throw almost everything away! It's like it's a spite thing almost...like saying SO THERE...we aren't like our Mother after all! But sadly....we are like our Mother in many ways, and we can't throw that away.

Moving is a very traumatic experience...I've moved five times in my life and every time was worse than the last. I know I will probably have at least one more move and I dread it already. But this time I am determined to get rid of a lot of the "stuff" that for some crazy reason I've felt I "had" to keep. And I intend to do it without guilt! (Ha! Yeah right! I am my Mother's daughter after all!)

Power To FOK


QueenOfSwords 35F

6/29/2006 9:43 pm

Im hoarder

Just hadnt seen you in blogs for a while and wondered


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