Men and Fear  

earthShiva 61M
270 posts
5/19/2006 3:30 pm

Last Read:
12/10/2006 8:38 pm

Men and Fear

My articulate and esteemed colleague at [blog LoyalCumpany] posted an entry this AM on anti- chastity belt/body armor for women, created as an artistic endeavor. It triggered a thought I have had over the years in watching male behavior.

Men walk around in a constant state of fear. Fear of attack, fear of rejection, fear of irrelevance. One can see it in the profiles and emails right here, and in the world at large.

What women often see, and never see beyond, is that all of the toughness, strength and cockiness (great word, isn’t it?) that comprise what we think of as “masculine” is nothing but a protective husk.

No man has ever experienced the pain of childbirth ‒ a pain based in will and manifestation and the internal workings of the feminine. Women know this, and many fault men for this lack of experience. But women will never know what it is like to get kicked in the balls. Women know deep pain with purpose to it, but a man’s greatest fear is pain that can come from negligence, malice or chance occurrence–typically external forces.

What women don’t get about men is that we are so much more vulnerable than women. Men dangle their most exquisitely sensitive parts, their biological connection to eternity, in a cheesy little skin bag , right out front where any fool can take a whack at them. And whacked they do get from time to time. Sometimes it is deliberate, sometimes by accident. Either way it hurts like crazy.

So men have little choice but to mount a constant defense. We toughen up, we hold our bodies a certain way, we learn martial arts, verbal jousting and don’t let anyone get too close, and walk out the front door every morning with our loins girded for a hostile world. If we don’t, we surely will get whacked. And there comes a point after which you just can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt.

To be sure, our culture has made this problem of constant, excessive defense worse through our innate ignorance of balance. In samurai society, flower arranging (ikebana) was a mandatory skill. Fostering a class of trained killers who had no balance in delicate sensitivities would have been considered too dangerous in their society. By comparison, there is precious little in our society for men to dedicate themselves that ever takes them out of defensive roles. Even most of our leisure activities are in some way competitive.

Perhaps the one safe place where men can (sometimes) come out of their defenses is in relationship. While seduction is just as bumpy and dangerous a road as any other, to finally find oneself in an intimate, sexual relationship is to reach a destination, and to give the vulnerable contents of that little sack a chance to exercise their purpose, and not merely lie in wait and fear of harm. I’m not sure most women genuinely appreciate what a sacred gift they offer in the safety of relationship, nor what a profound betrayal it seems when that safety is lost.

No woman should excuse a man imposing his own fears upon her. At its extreme, these fears have lead to , abuse and oppressive relationships. There is no excuse for these or many less extreme behaviors. A true man must learn to understand and control his own fear, continue to defend himself as appropriate, and not rely on power over others to have power within himself. With all that being said, women would do well to understand how basic this fear is to the psyche of the men around them, and welcome the men in their lives into a place of gentleness and safety, for the best way to get rid of defensiveness is to eliminate the need for it.

If you do, you may find that the scary protective armor is very different from the man within.

HoaryCronySlimy 36M
169 posts
5/19/2006 4:27 pm

Here's one for the cause! Great post...

rm_LoyalCumpany 47M
3204 posts
5/19/2006 4:28 pm

Well put. Very well put. And you called ME articulate.

I am JoJo the Circus Boy!

earthShiva replies on 5/19/2006 4:50 pm:
Well, you am!

rm_wavegoodbye 60F

5/19/2006 9:24 pm

We women reallly are the gatekeepers to men's sexual satisfaction and self-expression. I can see how powerful I am when I honestly share myself with my man for his pleasure and my own. And when I honor his needs, he's a happy guy. It makes me wonder what a different place this world would be if men's sexual needs were taken more seriously by women and if more women woke up to their own sexual desires.

TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
5/19/2006 10:52 pm

I found you by way of LoyalCumpany. That is a great post. I've read some articles on this subject as well. Thanks for that. I do agree with what you say. But it is still just a societal thing that it's a man's world and yet men wear so many masks. It is unfortunate that they cannot be their true selves for fear of not being "manly". Only in a true, loving relationship can both partners share themselves fully.

earthShiva replies on 5/20/2006 10:03 am:
It is a man's world because we fill our time and our feeling of emptiness with other things to do. We write, we try to find love, we start wars, we do whatever we can to feel a connection to the world around us. We are dominated by the archetypal energy of Shiva - the creator and destroyer. We are all about inspiration, with human life starting as a gleam in daddy's eye.

While each human embodies both the masculine and feminine, men typically embody more of this inspirational, proactive force. Women more typically embody the Shakti/Kundalini energy of manifestation that gives meaning and form to Shiva's inspiration. Paradoxically, the Shakti energy is based in passivity, but once mobilized is the foundation all all creation.

The challenge for all of us to to better understand this mystical dance, and to honor the role that our partners play in reconciling the energetic polarities that make us so different, yet so perfect for each other.

MoonRise9 59M

5/20/2006 3:58 am

Thanks for your thorough and thoughtful post on this subject. It's a subject of importance to me, personally, in relationship, societally, and globally, and -hmmmm- blogally. Until reading your post I never thought about the hanging balls angle. I've often thought that man's (and other species) search for a tree or a wall to pee on, along with the nervous looking around (which becomes a a bit awkward in public bathrooms) has some instinctual base in being exposed to attack in that moment.

I also have to mention that your post reminded me of that special moment in many boy's lives - our first JOCKSTRAP with PROTECTIVE CUP. I have no idea whether coaches are taught to make that moment a healthy one. If not, they should be.

earthShiva replies on 5/20/2006 10:09 am:
My first experience with a jockstrap and cup involved some helpful assistance of some seniors, who advised me to make sure that the cup was well lubricated to prevent chafing. The "lubricant" they offered was a lovely locker room essential known as "atomic balm". Quite the intense initiation, but I think I'm having the last laugh because the fire down there is still burning!

I reflect from time to time how small things can make such big differences in our lives. What might my life have been like if, instead of atomic balm, they had offered Ben-Gay...

LustyTaurus 50M
21253 posts
5/20/2006 3:02 pm

Well done earth...thanks.


jadedbabe78 107F

5/20/2006 5:48 pm

It's society, men are conditioned to hide their emotions and fear because the naysayers claim it is a sign of weakness. Where in other countries, it is considered a sign of strength.


waerlookin4fun 51M/47F

5/20/2006 9:40 pm

I got here by way of LoyalCumpany and he's right your blog is very well written. You are very articulate and I do understand that men are very vulnerable and we should all be more aware of that. Thank you for writing this

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