Is it Just For The Sex???  

duststormdiva 52F
7253 posts
6/29/2006 12:27 pm

Last Read:
4/30/2008 7:06 pm

Is it Just For The Sex???

Yesterday my blog was about marriage. I was entertained this morning with mzhunyhole’s blog today [post 406746]. I love reading her readers responses, not to mention she is very insightful. This brings me to a curiosity I have had.

I have dated married men for several years now. Why? Not because I am a home wrecker, I’m not! I dated married men, because it protected my heart. In my life I have been very naïve about men and why they had sex with me. I thought they loved me if they were “making love” to me. Little did I know, I was just a notch on their headboard, a fuck, a roll in the hay … whatever it was … I think it has something to do with the possibility that I was molested as a child by someone close to me, someone I loved. The hurt was too much, I could not take anymore.

At first I stopped dating altogether. But damn I was horny and masturbation was NOT cutting it anymore. This of course was before I got brave enough to buy a toy. I didn’t date from 1997 -2000. Damn, that was a long time. My divorce was final December of 1996 and I dated one man after that. I was engaged to him. Naïve as I was I agreed to marry him, after he me. It was not a violent ; I just could not fight or make noise because my kids were in the next room. We were kissing and doing some petting. I told him originally that I would not have sex with him unless we were married. He took it anyway. I freely gave it up to him after that. It was much easier to give him what he wanted than to feel like a piece of trash because he took it from me. He left to go back to Maine, and then eventually left me for another woman. It was a blessing in disguise.

I’m rambling, back to the whole point of this blog. My curiosity as mentioned above. Why do people have affairs after they get married? I have asked every married man I dated that exact question.

“Do you love your wife?”

“Yes, very much.”

“Why are you seeking attention outside of your marriage?”

Now this is where it gets tricky and the answers vary.

1. “I just need something different.”
2. “She is no longer interested in sex.”
3. “She is not willing to try new things. Sex life is boring.”

“Have you talked to her about it?”

Some will say yes, and some no.

“What are you looking for? Not just sex, but where are you wanting this relationship to go?”

“Just looking for some no strings sex.” OR “Looking for someone I can be friends with. Someone to confide into. Friends with benefits.”

Now, after dating these men, and talking to them, (yes, we did do some talking, it was not all fucking) I realized things they are not ready to admit or are too scared to do.

One man I was just talking to the other day. I dated him about two years ago. It seems he contacts me more now than ever. Now that I have a man in my life, someone I am happy with, someone I won’t stray from. Anyway I’ll call this man, Dave. Dave has asked me, “Do you think I will ever have the chance to fuck you again?”

“Nope, never!”

“Damn, I really miss the times we had together.”

I thought, you never made time for me. Once every two or three months, no fucking thanks! I’d never compromise my relationship with my boyfriend for him or any other man out there.


So our last conversation went something like this: typos have been left in, but parts have been edited out. They did not pertain to the point of this blog.

Dave: good morning how are you today

DustStorm Diva: Good Morning, Dave. Things are great for me. How are things with you?

Dave: good thank you

DustStorm Diva: wonderful.

DustStorm Diva: How's life?

Dave: good

Dave: and u

DustStorm Diva: I am wonderful. Thanks.

Dave: good

Dave: but i miss the sex we had

DustStorm Diva: My boyfriend and I are just as close as can be. I can't believe that I have found a man that makes me totally and completely happy.

DustStorm Diva: It was not often enough, Dave.

Dave: yes i know

Dave: i am happy for you

DustStorm Diva: Thank you.

DustStorm Diva: Are you still searching for some on the side?

Dave: yes

Dave: do you know anyone

Dave: that is nice and discreet and clean

DustStorm Diva: Not right now.

Dave: will you let me know if you hear of any ladies

DustStorm Diva: I don't know many people who are willing to have affairs with married men.

DustStorm Diva: Yes.

DustStorm Diva: Most women I know are too demanding, and would probably want to see you more than you are able to be free.

Dave: well have them talk to me on here ok

DustStorm Diva: The one lady I do know who is attracted to married men, she's in California now. I don't have many close female friends.

DustStorm Diva: She likes black men and cowboys.

Dave: cool

Dave: i will wear a cowboy hat

DustStorm Diva: haha

Dave: i do wear them when we go out

DustStorm Diva: I have never seen you in a hat.

DustStorm Diva: Are you just bored with your wife? Or does she just not want sex anymore?

Dave: no

Dave: i am not bored

Dave: just something different ( sound familiar ? )

DustStorm Diva: I know at one time you told me it just was not enough.

Dave: still isn't

DustStorm Diva: Have you talked to her about it?

Dave: no

DustStorm Diva: I am just being nosey now.

DustStorm Diva: I have dated married men for sometime now and most SAY they are happy in their marriage, but I know there is something missing. Wheter it be sex, attention, love, appreciation...

DustStorm Diva: Talk to her about it.

DustStorm Diva: I have also found that married men usually don't talk to their wives about getting more intimacy. They just go searching.

Dave: k

DustStorm Diva: Two men I have been with, have talked to their wives about it.

Dave: u might be right on that ( no shit! )

Dave: really

DustStorm Diva: One wife said, "I just can't turn a knob and get the hormones to work like you want them to. He said and he can't turn a knob and get them to turn off."

DustStorm Diva: HE and I were lovers for about seven months.

DustStorm Diva: he broke it off because he thought she was suspecting he was having an affair.

DustStorm Diva: She started giving him more attention.

Dave): k

DustStorm Diva: Last I talked to him, she was still very attentivel

DustStorm Diva: The other man, being my current boyfriend...

DustStorm Diva: he talked to her about it, he tried everythint possible to spice up his marriage. He did everything he oculd to be appreciated.

DustStorm Diva: She never took the bait, or never noticed it. She never ever appreciated him.

DustStorm Diva: He exhausted all his options before he left.

DustStorm Diva: he left with no guilt.

DustStorm Diva: Most men will never admit that there is something missing in their marriage.

DustStorm Diva: They won't admit it to their lovers.

Dave: i know

DustStorm Diva: I am very perceptive and notice things.

DustStorm Diva: I am glad the two married men who opened up to me dikd open up to me. Because I learned why men really go out on their marriages.

DustStorm Diva: Of course deep down, I realized that men are cheating on their wives because something is missing, yet they are telling me otherwise. I accepted the answer, but never believed it.

Dave: k

DustStorm Diva: Sorry, I guess I am rambling. I have learned a lot by dating who I have dated. Communication is the key. Ya gotta talk to whoever you are involved with.

He stopped communicating with me at this point. Haha Either he was busy at work or was tired of me letting him know that I really knew what was going on in his head. Hahaha.

I know plenty women who have cheated on their husbands. I have never cheated on anyone I was committed to, yet I have dated married men.

Reasons I figure ladies and men cheat on their spouses:

• Lack of sex.

• Lack of affection.

• Mental/physical abuse.

• Alcoholic behavior… would rather have the booze than the pussy. (this could go with drugs too)

• Just plain unhappy.

• Physical features have changed and are unappealing.

• Lack of communication.

I am sure there are other reasons, this is just from what I have gathered from talking to those who have cheated or been cheated on.

Sooo, if you are married and you are here…

1. Why are you here?

2. Have you talked to your spouse about spicing up the old sex life?

3. Always have cheated, always will.

4. Never thought I could cheat, but was lured by some sex god/goddess into cheating.

5. Spouse is ill and cannot fulfill any of my sexual needs.

6. Spouse had an operation and since then has lost his/her libido.

7. I am just a fuckin’ horn dog and I need all the sex I can get.

8. Spouse gives me as much as I could handle, but it’s just no good.

9. Spouse is inhibited and won’t try new things.

10. Husband, just can’t get it up anymore. Even Viagra won’t work!

11. Wife won’t open her legs. Even the Jaws of Life can’t pry them apart.

I just came back from travelingintexas's blog where he clarified why he cheated. Trav The Untold Story.

It seems that there is more to it than what I had orignally thought, but don't doubt what I have written about today has something to do with it.





DustStormDiva



duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/1/2006 4:16 pm

    Quoting rm_mzhunyhole:
    I never cheated on my old man..I was a good woman..a true woman..and he cheated on me..gave him all the pussy he wanted..money..a car..a boat..he said because I had to work..he was lonely..go figure...well his drug addicted..lonely ass is out there now..wishing he was back here with me..too bad for him.
Too bad he could not appreciate what he had when he had it. He was blessed and turned his back on it. His loss. And in a strange way, your gain.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/1/2006 4:19 pm

    Quoting fun1968xxx:
    Geez Diva, do you post any light and fluffy jokes or anything like that? I was trying to cut my watched blogs list, not add to it!

    Where the hell do I start on this one! My wife and I have been together 15 years last week! I was faithful for the first 14 and a bit. I read Trav's post and my reasons are certainly different! Intimacy just died off, so did the conversation. The rejection from asking about maybe having sex and hearing "I'm tired" "it's late" "maybe tomorrow", "I've got a headache" blah, blah, blah. Or when we did it would be "can you make it quick?". Fuck, that was crushing!

    We tried talking about it, career came first, maybe when things settle down we'll get back to normal. It's hard to hear that stuff. It's even harder when she was asleep and I'd put my hand on her, and she'd move it, in her sleep... I think emotionally I'd given up on us, on the marriage. But we have a son. My choice was stay and watch him grow up or leave and be a part-time dad.

    I stayed and played. I met one woman just the once. Then met another and we were together 6 months. She made me feel wanted again. She couldn't wait to see me. We had the best times. We became good friends, and a little more. I couldn't have her, she was married too, and with a daughter. She was 12 years older than me and pretty calm about what we were doing and where it might go. She actually encouraged me to talk, to confront the issue at home, because I was miserable and getting worse. How could it be that someone I met on the Internet can want me and make me feel so wonderful, yet the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with wouldn't even have a conversation with me, let alone touch or have sex! It was making things even worse.

    So I started looking for somewhere to live. I'd had enough. One night we had a discussion. It grew and we talked for hours. We were both too miserable to get angry. I thought it was over, she knew it was bad, but didn't realise it was that bad. We'd had a great time, we were best friends, shared so much, had a wondeerful sex life, it just all turned to shit somewhere, somehow. We decided it had been really good, we didn't want to end it, so we redefined some life goals, took another look at what was important and decided that our relationship was important.

    The next day I told my lover I couldn't see her again. I couldn't be serious about saving my marriage and still thinking about her and having sex with her. I was sad, but so happy about my wife. Afterall, the reason I married her was to spend the rest of my life with her. I always thought I would.

    So that was back in late March. No more meets with any women. My lover stopped emailing me and stopped ringing. She's been back on the site (not this one) looking for another. Things hit a bit of a snag here, but all sorted out again. We are having a lovely time. It feels like old times again!!!

    I never told her about the other women. I never will, it would kill her. She doesn't know about AdultFriendFinder either. I intended to leave here, but I like blogging, I like the friends I've made and I enjoy the conversations, like this one...

    Can your next post be about washing powder?
Wow you have quite a story. I hope your efforts to work it out with her are successful.

I am no expert on relationships, and believe me I have my issues with communication, but never let that communication lack. If all you do here on AdultFriendFinder is blog, then tell her you do it. It's all about the honesty. I can't give advice on the telling your wife about the other woman. I just know that honesty is the best policy.

DustStormDiva


Panthiest 74M

7/2/2006 12:52 am

If I'm going to be in a committed relationship there has to be trust and communicaiton between us. If I had to cheat, then really I'm just cheating myself because deep inside I know a part of who I am,my word, is worthless. IF I didn't think I could talk to my lady about the situaiton, then I know the relatioship isn't on solid ground.

Frankly I think men or women who cheat on their spouse are cowards. I mean, I read some of these blogs with popele who have open marraiges or swing with others - it may not be my lifestyle (I haven't tried it so I won't knock it)but they are being honest with themseles and with their spouses - so I give them lotsa credit for that. But the person who sneaks around whining to a lover about their homelife; get it together with your wife/husband/lover or get out.


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/2/2006 1:51 pm

    Quoting Panthiest:
    If I'm going to be in a committed relationship there has to be trust and communicaiton between us. If I had to cheat, then really I'm just cheating myself because deep inside I know a part of who I am,my word, is worthless. IF I didn't think I could talk to my lady about the situaiton, then I know the relatioship isn't on solid ground.

    Frankly I think men or women who cheat on their spouse are cowards. I mean, I read some of these blogs with popele who have open marraiges or swing with others - it may not be my lifestyle (I haven't tried it so I won't knock it)but they are being honest with themseles and with their spouses - so I give them lotsa credit for that. But the person who sneaks around whining to a lover about their homelife; get it together with your wife/husband/lover or get out.
I see your point, I do think that it's great for a person to talk to their significant other about what they might be feeling. I do know that sometimes it goes upon deaf ears.

However...

I don't think that anyone should be judged about their choices in life. Calling names, such as cowards, is judging. I feel until you walk a mile in someone elses shoes, you have no right to make that decision about someone. As far as I am concerned, I answer to only one... my Higher Power, my God. He is who I'll answer to.

DustStormDiva


Panthiest 74M

7/2/2006 10:50 pm

    Quoting duststormdiva:
    I see your point, I do think that it's great for a person to talk to their significant other about what they might be feeling. I do know that sometimes it goes upon deaf ears.

    However...

    I don't think that anyone should be judged about their choices in life. Calling names, such as cowards, is judging. I feel until you walk a mile in someone elses shoes, you have no right to make that decision about someone. As far as I am concerned, I answer to only one... my Higher Power, my God. He is who I'll answer to.
I used to think along those lines - but I came to realize that we all make judgements every day. And more, it's good to make judgements so as to confirm our own thoughts and ideas so we can work with them. Otherwise we are blown around wherever the latest winds are headed. However, I always leave the option open that I will change my mind if somebody can show me a better way/idea/process/reasoning etc.

A few years back I was starting a relationship with a womanan and told her I wanted both of us to feel free to express any feelings, ask any questions; just be honest and up front. SHe told me "As long as I'm getting what I need from you, I don't have to go anyplace else." I thought that was so cool because it summed everything up and put it on me so I could deal with it. I still had some concerns, wht if she wanted a woman? I couldn't satisfy that. but I felt that because we BOTH could communicate honestly and with respect for ourselves and each other - as John Lennon said, "There's no problems only solutions." (Unfortunately, life happened and she had to move away) I realize not everybody can comminicate this way - but that's no reason for me to think it's OK not to. And as far as being a coward - we're all cowards and we're all heros at one time or another. So it's no big deal, but I'm going to call a situation like I think it is and if I can't communicate with my partner about something as important as sex, then why would I want to be in that relationship?
If you dissagree, fine. Like I said I'm open to respectful discussion.
P.S. How do you know "God" is a "He?" Wouldn't there have to be a Mrs God somewhere?


Panthiest 74M

7/2/2006 11:07 pm

"To live outside the law you must be honest. I know you always say that you agree. But where are you tonight, Sweet Marie." (Bob Dylan)


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/3/2006 11:25 am

    Quoting Panthiest:
    I used to think along those lines - but I came to realize that we all make judgements every day. And more, it's good to make judgements so as to confirm our own thoughts and ideas so we can work with them. Otherwise we are blown around wherever the latest winds are headed. However, I always leave the option open that I will change my mind if somebody can show me a better way/idea/process/reasoning etc.

    A few years back I was starting a relationship with a womanan and told her I wanted both of us to feel free to express any feelings, ask any questions; just be honest and up front. SHe told me "As long as I'm getting what I need from you, I don't have to go anyplace else." I thought that was so cool because it summed everything up and put it on me so I could deal with it. I still had some concerns, wht if she wanted a woman? I couldn't satisfy that. but I felt that because we BOTH could communicate honestly and with respect for ourselves and each other - as John Lennon said, "There's no problems only solutions." (Unfortunately, life happened and she had to move away) I realize not everybody can comminicate this way - but that's no reason for me to think it's OK not to. And as far as being a coward - we're all cowards and we're all heros at one time or another. So it's no big deal, but I'm going to call a situation like I think it is and if I can't communicate with my partner about something as important as sex, then why would I want to be in that relationship?
    If you dissagree, fine. Like I said I'm open to respectful discussion.
    P.S. How do you know "God" is a "He?" Wouldn't there have to be a Mrs God somewhere?
Making judgements that relate to the way we live our life is productive, but to take the time and judge someone else does not benefit us, usually. We have our beliefs and our morals, our character traits, and those are what we should live by. As long as a person can look themselves in the mirror each day, then they are happy with their lives. Not everyone is going to have the same view point. We all have opinions, but you know what they say about opinions, "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and some of them stink." * giggle * .

Honest and open communication is the key, I agree. Being in a relationship, we must have that trust. I understand that somewhere the communication barriers sometimes break down, therefore, the relationship begins to weaken. If it's not taken care of quickly eough, the relationship will crumble. I am sure you know all this, and trying not to sound too motherly, or parental, you can take it for what it's worth.

I have ejoyed this little debate. It just shows we can have different perceptions, yet respect each others ideas. Remember, perception is reality.

God, to me is a He. I don't have any concrete proof to show otherwise. But I believe that everything was created in his example. I believe we have a Heavenly Father (God) and a Heavenly Mother. And his example was so that we on earth could follow his example and create our families after his lead. So, yes, I believe there is a Mrs. God, but I feel deep in my soul that she is so sacred so precious, (as all wives and mothers should be) that she is not mentioned to keep her name from being used in vain. NOTE: The keyword being "should".

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/3/2006 11:25 am

    Quoting Panthiest:
    "To live outside the law you must be honest. I know you always say that you agree. But where are you tonight, Sweet Marie." (Bob Dylan)
* smile *

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/3/2006 11:42 am

    Quoting fun1968xxx:
    Hi Panthiest, I usually just let the whole unfaithful spouse thing slide by. People all have their own values, nothing I say will change that. I know some people are extra sensitive because of experiences in their life, I'm extra sensitive of that!!!

    Can I just say, life isn't black and white. You suggest because the sex died off in my marriage, I should either be celebate, or I should leave her because I'm not happy with the sex and leave my son without a dad? There's 15 years of memories and history there. It's not that easy to walk away from. Nor is it that easy to stray.

    But I agree with you in one respect. I should have either sorted it out or left. In my case, straying made me realise I really wanted to sort it out. We still are. I'm not straying, I'm seriously putting the effort in here. I sort of wish I had done it differently, but part of me had already started packing up bags to go. I'd already been looking for somewhere to live. It was at that stage.

    Anyway, you've got your values, and I've got my mess to live with. If only life were as simple as your decision making system...
I am glad you brought this up.

The married lover I had before my current boyfriend, he has been married for twenty something years. After his wives surgery, she lost her libido, and would not give him any affection. He loves her very much, yet he needed that attention, that sexual attention that said, I desire you. He started searching. He found me. We saw each other for seven months. He told me he still loved her, but needed the intimacy. With what I offered him, it helped make his relationship at home stronger, because then he could focus on her instead of intimacy. His intimacy with his wife occurred on rare occassions, and when it did, he felt she was doing something she didn't want to do, and that was difficult for him to enjoy that precious gift his wife had shared with him.

My current boyfriend, as most everyone knows, is married. He stayed for the kids, even though for the past three years he has known that the marriage was over. People who stay for the kids, don't do the kids any favors. Even though divorce is hard on the children, they are resilient and bounce back.

I have been told that it's been proven that marriages that stay together for the kids are not always the best for the kids. Kids notice everything, and you better believe, most of the time they know when their parents are fighting. They know when the parents are not happy with each other. I asked a friend of mine, who divorced her husband, how their boy was doing, and she said, "great! He says, 'at least you and dad don't fight anymore.'" For him, the divorce was the better choice.

In my boyfriends case, it seems to have been better for the kids, however, the divorce is not final, and she has not tried to get on with her life yet. Unfortunately for the kids, they see her upset and feel the need to try to keep her happy.

My son went through that with my divorce. I divorced when he was 10, I was in tears much of the time, and he held me while I cried on his shoulder. I could not tell him exactly why I was crying, just that I was sad. I know it was hard on him and he had to grow up sooner than other kids his age, but you know it did benefit him. He is very much of a gentleman. He is caring and sympathetic with the young ladies he dates. Sometimes it's good for kids to see their parents weaker side. In an odd way it makes them grow. He is wise beyond his years, because of it. That's NOT a bad thing.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/3/2006 11:53 am

Oh, fun1968xxx, that does not take away from the fact that you are trying to work your marriage out. I think that is very honorable, IF BOTH of you are consistanly working towards the same goal. In my boyfriends case, his wife and him would make little changes for a few days. While he continued to work on his changes, she slipped back into her old routine. That left him feeling she was taking advantage of him. He grew, she didn't. He grew out of love with her, she always assumed he was going to be there. Her loss, my gain.

DustStormDiva


Panthiest 74M

7/3/2006 7:35 pm

    Quoting fun1968xxx:
    Hi Panthiest, I usually just let the whole unfaithful spouse thing slide by. People all have their own values, nothing I say will change that. I know some people are extra sensitive because of experiences in their life, I'm extra sensitive of that!!!

    Can I just say, life isn't black and white. You suggest because the sex died off in my marriage, I should either be celebate, or I should leave her because I'm not happy with the sex and leave my son without a dad? There's 15 years of memories and history there. It's not that easy to walk away from. Nor is it that easy to stray.

    But I agree with you in one respect. I should have either sorted it out or left. In my case, straying made me realise I really wanted to sort it out. We still are. I'm not straying, I'm seriously putting the effort in here. I sort of wish I had done it differently, but part of me had already started packing up bags to go. I'd already been looking for somewhere to live. It was at that stage.

    Anyway, you've got your values, and I've got my mess to live with. If only life were as simple as your decision making system...
Hi Funbox...I agree, we all have our own values and I guess I do sound a bit opinionated...probably cuz I am! LOL But it's my opinion and doesn't have to be yours or anybody elses. There's an old movie called "Hoodlum Priest" about this young guy who goes to the electric chair and those who try to save him. there's a scene, late at night, a lone picketer all by himself with a sign saying that the exicution is wrong and must be stopped. A cop walks up to the guy and says,"You're not going to change everybody's mind with that sign." The guys says, "I know. I just don't want everybody to change my mind." Never forgot that scene.

I've been divorced three times. the first time nearly killed me and I lost my daughter. She was brought up thinking I had deserted her so when we finaly did get together for a visit, she had a barrier through which I didn't know how to negotiate. It hurts but cest la vie mon amei. the second there was no sex, I cheated on her, she found out and the trust was gone and things just got worse. The split was a relief but I was determined to remain our son's father and we worked that out. She remarried and with a little work but we all became good friends and I spent many Thanksgivings at their house by myself and with girlfriends. their kids think of me as an uncle. My son is a great guy, a very good man and why not? He had TWO great fathers! LOL!
The third had no kids involved, at least not mine. I could see it was headed the wrong way early on but I was determined to make it work. We had no sex for more than 5 years! I can be pretty stubburn and I was determined to work it out but it just got worse and worse. I turned down opportunities to be with other women - one I really liked and one was so hot I melted when she came in the room. I used to kick myself for not tasking up those genorous offers - but now I'm glad I didn't because I might have continued being only half there in that relationship from hell instead of finally walking away. To each his own - it's all unknown...

But I like dialog. It's a good way to learn and understand ourselves and each other. Best of luck. I hope you and yours can come together and live in joy cuz living only half there tends to eat people up and as Duststormdivea said, the kids instinctively know what's up. Your realtionship for better or for worse, will affect their lives as you live yours.


Panthiest 74M

7/3/2006 8:05 pm

    Quoting duststormdiva:
    Making judgements that relate to the way we live our life is productive, but to take the time and judge someone else does not benefit us, usually. We have our beliefs and our morals, our character traits, and those are what we should live by. As long as a person can look themselves in the mirror each day, then they are happy with their lives. Not everyone is going to have the same view point. We all have opinions, but you know what they say about opinions, "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and some of them stink." * giggle * .

    Honest and open communication is the key, I agree. Being in a relationship, we must have that trust. I understand that somewhere the communication barriers sometimes break down, therefore, the relationship begins to weaken. If it's not taken care of quickly eough, the relationship will crumble. I am sure you know all this, and trying not to sound too motherly, or parental, you can take it for what it's worth.

    I have ejoyed this little debate. It just shows we can have different perceptions, yet respect each others ideas. Remember, perception is reality.

    God, to me is a He. I don't have any concrete proof to show otherwise. But I believe that everything was created in his example. I believe we have a Heavenly Father (God) and a Heavenly Mother. And his example was so that we on earth could follow his example and create our families after his lead. So, yes, I believe there is a Mrs. God, but I feel deep in my soul that she is so sacred so precious, (as all wives and mothers should be) that she is not mentioned to keep her name from being used in vain. NOTE: The keyword being "should".
See my message to "Funbox regarding the movie "Hoodlum Priest"

You can be as mothery, parental, teacherly(?) as you want, just don't step on my blue suede shoes. Ha!

Interesting perspective on God AND the Goddess and keeping her safe from the slings and arrows of our mortal lives. That's a whole discussion in intself. Men used to treat women this way (Woman on a pedistal) and I always reasoned they did it because they wanted to keep her from all the crud they were creating in order to keep her on the pedistal! Ha! Aren't people the funniest things?


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/4/2006 11:08 am

    Quoting fun1968xxx:
    We were a little the same, in that things were better at home when I was happy. For a while, then those weird feelings happened. Why does someone else want me more than my wife? Why doesn't she make any effort? blah, blah, blah.

    Then we talked, it improved for a while, then bad habits came back. But we talked again and each time the talking is easier, and less stuff to unload. We have only ever argued in front of our son once... We don;t normally argue, just get sad, or grumpy or silent.

    It's a work in progress. We are good friends, a good team. We share so much, we are both keen to make it work. for some reason it needs work to make it work now, which it never did before, it all just happened. It's worth the effort. We both want to be with each other. It seems like her sex drive is on the wane at the same time mine is strengthening. Bummer! I'll keep encouraging her, and make her feel special and talk, and laugh and we'll see how it goes.

    I'm not making any outrageous predictions, but things now are good, much better than 6 months ago, or the last few years. That's great! But no reason to stop working and trying, for both of us!

    Hey, I'm enjoying the conversation / discussion! Thanks!
I wish you and your wife the best of luck. I am enjoying this as well.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/4/2006 11:13 am

    Quoting Panthiest:
    Hi Funbox...I agree, we all have our own values and I guess I do sound a bit opinionated...probably cuz I am! LOL But it's my opinion and doesn't have to be yours or anybody elses. There's an old movie called "Hoodlum Priest" about this young guy who goes to the electric chair and those who try to save him. there's a scene, late at night, a lone picketer all by himself with a sign saying that the exicution is wrong and must be stopped. A cop walks up to the guy and says,"You're not going to change everybody's mind with that sign." The guys says, "I know. I just don't want everybody to change my mind." Never forgot that scene.

    I've been divorced three times. the first time nearly killed me and I lost my daughter. She was brought up thinking I had deserted her so when we finaly did get together for a visit, she had a barrier through which I didn't know how to negotiate. It hurts but cest la vie mon amei. the second there was no sex, I cheated on her, she found out and the trust was gone and things just got worse. The split was a relief but I was determined to remain our son's father and we worked that out. She remarried and with a little work but we all became good friends and I spent many Thanksgivings at their house by myself and with girlfriends. their kids think of me as an uncle. My son is a great guy, a very good man and why not? He had TWO great fathers! LOL!
    The third had no kids involved, at least not mine. I could see it was headed the wrong way early on but I was determined to make it work. We had no sex for more than 5 years! I can be pretty stubburn and I was determined to work it out but it just got worse and worse. I turned down opportunities to be with other women - one I really liked and one was so hot I melted when she came in the room. I used to kick myself for not tasking up those genorous offers - but now I'm glad I didn't because I might have continued being only half there in that relationship from hell instead of finally walking away. To each his own - it's all unknown...

    But I like dialog. It's a good way to learn and understand ourselves and each other. Best of luck. I hope you and yours can come together and live in joy cuz living only half there tends to eat people up and as Duststormdivea said, the kids instinctively know what's up. Your realtionship for better or for worse, will affect their lives as you live yours.
It was very interesting to find out how and why you formed the opinions you have.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/4/2006 11:16 am

    Quoting Panthiest:
    See my message to "Funbox regarding the movie "Hoodlum Priest"

    You can be as mothery, parental, teacherly(?) as you want, just don't step on my blue suede shoes. Ha!

    Interesting perspective on God AND the Goddess and keeping her safe from the slings and arrows of our mortal lives. That's a whole discussion in intself. Men used to treat women this way (Woman on a pedistal) and I always reasoned they did it because they wanted to keep her from all the crud they were creating in order to keep her on the pedistal! Ha! Aren't people the funniest things?
I did like the comment you made about the Hoolum Priest, it made a lot of sense. Yes, people are funny.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/5/2006 8:58 am

    Quoting fun1968xxx:
    Hi Panthiest,

    thanks for taking the time to read. And thanks for sharing your experiences. I can't ever say any of us are right or wrong, but it makes sense to listen to the experiences of others, learn from their failures and not repeat their failed actions. Of course the relationship and outside influences are different in every relationship, no two are the same.

    Thanks for intelligent discussion! The reason I usually avoid these discussions is because people usually get angry and resprt to name calling and it's just a waste of everyones energy... Not this time!
This was a very controversial subject. Different viewpoints can be tricky when it comes to discussion. All parties involved stayed mature and reasonable about it. There's nothing wrong with disagreeing, it's how you react to the differences of opinion is what matters.

DustStormDiva


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