Holidays Without Him  

duststormdiva 52F
7253 posts
12/15/2005 11:14 pm

Last Read:
6/29/2007 1:33 pm

Holidays Without Him

On Christmas day it will be five months to the day that my father left this world as we know it.

As the holidays pass by I wonder how I am going to take each one as they come. I wonder how my family is going to deal with his absence.

My birthday passed and for a moment I had a single tear run down my face because he was not here.

Thanksgiving was very special, even though he was not with us in body. His spirit was with us. His ashes sat on the table beside us. The next day was simply amazing as we sprinkled his ashes in the ocean.

Now and then my baby girl cries and tells me how much she misses her Granddad.

For the most part I have remained happy and so have the children. I worry about my son, because he has not dealth with Dad's parting.

My sons birthday came and went. It was different, but the drama caused by his girlfriend, and maybe I had something to do with that too, created a diversion from the fact that Dad is no longer with us.

Christmas approaches and our families spirits seem high, but how will we really be on that special day? My son won't be here in the morning when the kids are all excited and waking me up because Santa came. My father won't be here either. It will just be the girls and I. The three of us together as it has been for the past four months. The three of us together as we pulled this family, what's left of it, together and created a bond that only women can understand, no matter how old they are. We have made all the decisions on remodeling this house. When my son tries to give his opinion, we resist because he no longer lives here. My daughters resist because he chose his girlfriend over them at a time when they needed him.

My daughters are angry at their brother for leaving when he did. They hate his girlfriend because of her selfish ways. They hate her for taking their brother away when they needed him the most. Sure he is only a ten minute drive from here, but it's not the same.

He says he left because Granddads memories were to strong in the house. I told him that the girls and I didn't have the chance to run away from it. We have to face it every day. Thus, the reason for the remodeling.

What's it going to be like Christmas morning? Is it going to be a quiet special time that the girls and I have worked so hard to create? Will my son decide to join us early in the morning and be with us? Will he choose to be with his girlfriend and her family? How will the day start? What will happen through the day? How will it end?

Why does it scare me so much to have Christmas come this year?


GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
12/16/2005 4:20 am

I hope for you all that your son will join you.

best wishez for a very special Christmas for you and those you love

duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
12/16/2005 5:32 am

Jez, if anyone, I knew you would understand. *hugs* I know you miss yours too.


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
12/16/2005 5:33 am

GoddessOfTheDawn I hope so too. I know my father will be walking beside me and my little girls.


digdug41 50M

12/16/2005 6:10 am

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

kyplowboy22 62M

12/16/2005 6:45 am

Everything happens for a reason, Dusty. Maybe this is the way for you and the girls to learn, that if need be, life does go on without the presence of a male in it. It may not be what you want but it may be what you need. Stand tall in the way that honors your fathers memory; miss him, love him, but be a reflection of his strength. Just like he taught you. Your son? My guess is that there is a lesson being taught there too. The lesson about blood being thicker than water. I would hope that he is learning a lesson in the nature of relationships, that some just need to take presidence over others. If he does not come, he will resent her for making that impossible. If he does come and she is upset, perhaps he will see the immaturity in her and deal with that accordingly.

Maybe the best thing to do, Dusty, is to just let the day come and go without any expectations on one another at all. Just accept the actions and choices of each other as their own. It seems like when we place expectations on others, we just set ourselves up for disappointment. Hope it all works out, but then, of course it will.


slidein2meplz 63F
1994 posts
12/16/2005 8:44 am

Hugs to you Dusty....first everythings are the worst after important loss's. Each year it will get a little bit easier...but never completely goes away.

Certain holidays or other special days will always be rough to one extent or another...only thing you can do is take it a day at a time...just like KPB says. He has a lot of wisdom that one does.

Take care of yourself and the'll work out. I'm going to try and take my own advice, add to it KP's and every other piece of encouragement/hope I find and try to apply it to myself today...and thru the rest of the holidays.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
12/16/2005 6:42 pm

digdug41 thanks for that all so familiar prayer. It is nice to be reminded of it. May God bless you.


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
12/16/2005 6:47 pm

kyplowboy22 I will just let it come and go without expectations. I talked to my son today and asked him what he was going to do and he told me he didn't know. He had not thought about it. We will concentrate on my fathers memory and the real reason for Christmas. Maybe I'll blow the dust off my bible and read about the birth of Jesus.


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
12/16/2005 6:49 pm

slidein2meplz I'll take kyplowboy22's advice. He has become a dear friend to me.


TTigerAtty 63M

12/17/2005 10:15 am

Dusty - I lost my Dad in the summer of 1992. That first Christmas without him was difficult for my Mother, for my Sister and for me. This summer, my Daughter and I lost her Mother (my ex-wife). My Daughter is 21 and this will be a tough Christmas for her, although she has been OK so far studying hard in college. I think your friends above offered some good advice. And your comments above tell me that you're going to be OK. Focus on the reason for the season, love your Daughters and even your wayward Son and share openly with each other the memories you have of your Father. In this way, he will be with you forever! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
12/17/2005 12:59 pm

TTigerAtty it's always nice to hear how others are handling their grief. I am sorry for your loss(es). My prayers will be with you and yours this holiday season as well. Happy Holidays.


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