Hot Lists.. what do they mean anyway?  

dublos 52M  
82 posts
4/10/2005 10:05 pm

Last Read:
2/17/2008 1:15 pm

Hot Lists.. what do they mean anyway?

I'm not sure if everyone uses their hotlist the same way. For me, my hot list is sort of like my wish list on Amazon. If I've put a lady on my hotlist, that's because something about her, alluring pictures, smart text, cute headline catches my attention enough to say "Hmmm.. I'd like to know her better."

This does not mean I want to sleep with ever woman on my hotlist. Most of the women on my hotlist I haven't had the pleasure of getting aquainted with yet so there's no way to know if that initial attraction would go a lot further. Some of them I have gotten aquainted with and if they remained on my hotlist that likely means I would like to continue getting aquainted but I know their dance card is currently full or that they aren't interested in me, at least that way.

For the ladies I'm not aquainted with there's the usual AdultFriendFinder problem of trying to find a way for the lady to decide you might perhaps be a needle and not yet another piece of hay in her inbox. A lot of times I haven't even dropped a note to every lady on my hotlist. Some (perhaps vain) part of me hopes that seeing that I put her on my hotlist will prompt her to take a peek at my profile, or my blog, or something and either put me on her hot list or drop me a wink or some indicator that further attentions might be welcomed.

This tactic hasn't exactly been a huge success, as you might note none of the ladies who've been kind enough to comment in here are local to me. And I think only one lady who I've exchanged a message or two with actually mentioned having looked at it and thought my writing style was fun and what I had to say was interesting.

So.. why aren't I writing every one of these ladies? Well, in the first case, what if every one of them actually replied? I might experience for one day the flood that their inbox gets daily.

Boy, would I be in a panic.

Ok, I like people, really I do. But all things are best in moderation, and for my personality type being overwhelmed with interest would drive me running into the night to likely become a hermit for the next several months. I'm way too much of a people pleaser and the guilt at getting that many messages that good conduct absolutely demands I write a thoughtful reply would be much too much. My brain would freeze up and I'd be babbling by the second reply I attempted to compose.

(Well, perhaps I do that anyway, but so far no one has called me on it.)

So for now, I think I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing and putting my wish list together and posting in here when the occasional rant needs to be put into writing.

If you feel like commenting.. what use do you put your hotlist too?

rockwriter58 58M
1389 posts
4/11/2005 7:23 am


At first, I used my list exactly the same way. The Amazon comparison is apt.
However, lately, I've decided because women see these listings too that some discretion needs to be applied. If you put someone on the list but never send them a note, what does that communicate to them? Your profile stays on the top of their "viewed" list. They must ask, why doesn't he say something? (At least that's what I imagine. Maybe they are thinking something else.)
I now have sent notes to everyone on my list, but not everyone I am interested in makes the least not to start.
However, I too would be interested in hearing from others about how to use the list correctly. Thanks for bringing this up.

dublos 52M  
129 posts
4/11/2005 5:13 pm

Well, I'm not sure there a "right" way to use the list. Like most features on most websites there's got to be some individuality.

And somehow I suspect most of the ladies have some level of difficulty keeping track of who has written them and who has not, I haven't experienced the volume they do so I can't be sure. Though you never know.. a lady or two might actually join this conversation and tell us their point of view.

kissablemeinmn 50F

6/11/2005 7:26 am

I do wonder when someone puts me on the hotlist that I've never talked to or heard from or anything. And I'm so easy to find! I'm forever online and use the same ID everywhere, and I'm in the Uppermidwest chat room a lot. But I never think about it too long because I figure eventually we'll talk

I use my hotlist as a bookmark holder of sorts. If I have talked to them in the chat room and want to talk to them again I hot list it. If I find someone attractive I hot list them If I want to keep an eye on their profile I hot list them.

That sounds so bad when I read that! LOL Oh well....


dublos 52M  
129 posts
6/16/2005 4:08 pm

Now why does that sound bad? I think that's a perfectly valid and wonderful way to use your hotlist. It's sort of an intermediate method of letting someone know you are at least a bit interested.

I figure viewing someone's profile at least indicates something about them intrigued you enough to peek.

Putting them on your hot list indicates you liked something you found there.

Winking at them takes things a step further indicating stronger interest.

Then of course writing them, that's an even stronger indicator, though it depends on what you're saying in your message.

2playfulandhorny 54F

1/8/2006 6:04 pm

Hi Dublos,
You may have moved on to topics other than hotlists, however I just had to comment. I don't have time to look at who has put me on their hotlist. I only use the hotlist to "bookmark" (just as kissablemeinmn does) a profile that isn't in my network. Someone I want to refer back to. I use the wink feature to decide who I might want to respond to instead of the hotlist. There are guys all over the world who have put me on their hotlist so it doesn't seem to be a very good list of people I'd be likely to meet. Anyway, happy "hotlisting"!

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