doodoooccidental 44M
0 posts
4/14/2006 4:27 am


I would like to report an incident about a week ago. I was lying in my bed, utterly alone. And, I felt this complete pain, this pain of loneliness. I'm nearly 32 years old. And I looked back at my past nearly 14 years of adult life. Every decision I took during those years were my own. No one else's.. And there I was, by my self, in my bed, utterly and completely alone. It was one of the most horrible experience I had ever experienced. I felt, as if, pinned down by an accusing finger, from under which I could not wiggle free.. I was aging. I'm not a young kid any more. The darkness enveloped around me. And, all there was, was me, there, in the darkness, utterly alone. There was nothing I could do.

I could have run away again into the chasm of my vivid imagination, where it is ever-green, ever-blossoming, ever-fruitful. But, then I would not have lived. I would have only been pretending. Like in the film, "The Matrix", I would, in reality, have been plugged into a huge machine, run by machines, using me as nothing more than a battery, whilst inside my mind, I was entertaining another pleasant world, created by the machines to keep me docile and innocent and asleep.

Yet, I guess, this experience is a fruitful one for me. I can learn from it. I should face my loneliness, face my demons. Because I am mortal. And one day I will die. In the meantime, I should live, and live life to the best of my ability and to the fullest.

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