Allways Say What  

dontsquezz 47M
1 posts
3/6/2005 8:26 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Allways Say What

Always Say What’s on Your Mind

Have there ever been things on your mind that you wanted to say? But it never seemed like the right time to talk to your kids about sex and drugs or maybe you didn’t think they where old enough yet. But it’s never too late to talk to your kid’s about anything that they will need to learn in life. They will have questions so did you when you found out, but most of us learned from friends or even worse, presser. When we
were at that age our parent’s though my kids would never do drugs, or they won’t have sex until they are at least twenty five. Presser is a lot harder now days and the world is getting worse so your kids are never too young to talk to them about everything they need to know. I have four kids and at the time I didn’t think they were old enough to talk to them about these things.
I was driving home after work one day when I was hit by a Simi truck. I was kind of shook up, but when I got out I heard people saying he’s dead. It messed my mind up so bad that I wasn’t myself for a long time after that. It was like time was passing me buy and I couldn’t get the pitcher of the accident that day and the death of the driver out of my mind. After about five years of being a space case I finally started to snap back to reality. But unfortunately I had also blocked my family out; my kids now were all grown up it seemed like, for now they were seventeen, fourteen, twelve and eleven.
My oldest son at the age where he new everything and if he didn’t know it then it wasn’t important, and also had a girlfriend. My other son fourteen was never one who hung around a lot of people; he was a loving person but had a short temper and would snap if the wrong things were said about his mother. My daughters of twelve and eleven were always together, and if something was bothering them, they would talk to each other about it. I felt bad, like it was my fault for not being there when they needed somebody to talk to. It was like I had been gone for all that time because of the mental and emotional stress the crash put on me. So I swore to myself that I would change now, what had happened was then, but I can help what is happening now.

My wife got into drinking bad, I new it was partly my fault for leaving everything up to her. She would get drunk so bad at times that it was like her mind was in another world. It would almost seem like her mind was talking to her at times, for I would hear her say I wish you were hear. Trying to make things right was harder then I thought it would be. They would almost act like I wasn’t even there; maybe they were bitter for me not helping them for so long. When I would talk to them about things, it was as if they heard me but would never give a response. After a while it started to make me angry and it hurt, but I didn’t let it get to me for I new that I wasn’t there for the last five years.
One day as I was putting something in my son’s room while he was at school, I saw a box under his bed. I pulled it out to see what was inside and was stunned by what I saw. He had a bag of weed in it along with a pipe and some scraping tools, then I seen a small mirror and a blade. I became irate and didn’t know what to do at the time so I went and put it in our room, then had to take a walk for a bit to chill out until he got home from school. It must have taken me longer to chill out then I thought, for when I got back home everybody was there and I could hear screaming before I even got in. She was yelling at him about the drugs, and he was yelling at her about drinking all the time and how she was never there when he needed somebody to talk to about it. She told him if your father was her, you wouldn’t let you talk to me like that. Then he said something that hurt me, when he threw in ya but dads not hear. I had been gone for so long that my family was torn apart and it was my fault for not being there. I was going to grab him to talk about it, when I saw my hand go through his body; I had to blink twice to make sure he was within my reach. As I went to grab him again, he turned and walked right through me, then turned around and said “My father is dead so quit using him as an excuse”.
Suddenly everything was spinning, it seemed like everything was going in reverse over the last five years. Then I saw me driving home from work that day, the light was red as I was coming up to it, then turned green so I kept going. Then I saw the Simi that ran the red light and hit me on the driver’s side of my car. He hit me with such force that it lifted his front end up and it came back down on top of me, its weight crushed my car like a tin can and I was killed intently. I watched as they questioned

the driver, who was so shaken up he could barely talk. He told them that his brakes went out and that he kept honking his horn but to no avail. Then I remembered that I was listening to my favorite song on the radio that day “Dust in the Wind” and had it cranked all the way up. They had to take the driver to the emergency room for tests because he was so shaken up. The accident pushed him over the edge and he was admitted to a mental institute.
So remember those things you want to say to your kids, don’t wait until there older or even say I’ll talk to them about it tomorrow. Because what if tomorrow never comes and you never got to tell them things you wanted to say. If your doctor told you only have a week to live, would you changes thing that you do (Hell yes). So don’t wait tell you now you are going to die before you do things you want to do, say things you want to say, and live a life you want to live. Because today might be your last day, and I don’t know about you but I want to die a happy person, who said everything he wanted to say.

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