Elliot  

dippy12441 39F
8 posts
1/15/2006 4:28 pm

Last Read:
3/17/2006 12:36 pm

Elliot


There's a point in everyone's life where they need to take a stand. Change things around. Flip things upside down, right on there ass. And as much as I'd like to say that I have done that, it wouldn't be the truth. The pain in which I feel inside, knowing that it was my fault that my brother left. It was a few days ago, my brother Elliot, came over. I haven't seen my brother in 20 some odd years. I had so many things to say to him. Which I have kept all bottled up inside. We sat in my living-room, staring at each other. I could feel that we both had something to say. But all the hostility. You could cut the tension with a knife. It was so hard to breath in the room. I thought I was going to die. At first I wanted to hug him, but then I realized that there was more to just pretending that everything was okay. We had to work out our differences. I know there were alot of things that had changed. He's a professional, a team leader, someone that others look up too and respect. I can't beat that. He's got a wife, four kids, and an incredibly happy marriage. Nobody looks up to me. Nobody. Not to say I'm feeling sorry for myself. I more feel sorry for him. Although, Elliot, is successful in life, it is him, I truly worry about. I was in alot of trouble when I was growing up. Too much trouble for the other people in my family to worry about. But Elliot was always there. Helping me up when I had fallen. It wasn't just about me, the stupid friends I was hanging out with, or even the drugs. It was about family. Elliot had this way of making his point stick, and yet be meaningful. And even though it took me many years to realize that he was right, I am quite grateful to him. It wasn't a great existance, life at home and all. Having him come home from work everyday, seeing me and my so-called buddies, smoking or shooting up in the livingroom. I remember, Elliot, chasing them out, then coming over and giving me a hug. He kept telling me that, I didn't need this shit in my life. And that I deserved so much better than this. Which I guess in a way is true. This was a routine for us. Everyday, he would expect to find me with that same group of buddies, in that room. Except for the last time. For all the times before that I had screwed up my life, there was only one true moment that I regret what I had done. The only time I went over the edge. After a long, hard day at the restaurant, Elliot, came home and not finding me in the usual place, he decided to search the house. I guess maybe he figured, I overdosed or something. He came running into my bedroom. I was lying on the floor, tripped out on acid. I wasn't sure what was real. I heard voices, I was seeing things. Not sure if any of it was real. All of a sudden, I jumped up, and ran out of the bedroom and down the stairs, while my brother, followed close behind me. Maybe I thought he was going to hurt me or something. I turned around and put a gun to his head. Elliot, had always watched my back. Made sure that I was always okay. I then realized that I had finally lost it. What had I been thinking? That moment has always stayed fresh in my mind. I didn't like to be such a pain. Forcing him to stay home from dates, and from hanging out with his friends. But I liked having him with me. Someone there to comfort me, when I needed it the most. He was my re-hab. I only have two wishes. One, that we could go back and make things right. and. Two, that no matter what happened in the future, that we would always be together.

sexymermaid6956 64F
26393 posts
1/15/2006 4:57 pm

hi..it is never too late my dear to mend fences and your brother sounds like a very caring person...good luck my dear

[]

Seduce my mind and my body


dippy12441 39F

1/15/2006 9:17 pm

I'm about ready to give up. I'm looking for a way out. Not just out of my addiction, but out of this whole life. To rid him of me, forever. Drugs. They seem like my only way back to reality. Maybe if I start using again, he'll be my brother again. Trying to make things work with him are becoming quite difficult. I know how hard it must be for him to balance a family. Then I show up, practically on his doorstep, interferring with his life, while looking for a way out. I seem to be one screw-up after another. I find myself trying to work up the strength and courage to talk to him. I'm scared. I know he's not proud of what I'm become. I am so ashamed of myself. This is not just about my past, but about the future. I need him in my life so bad, it hurts. I just hope he can forgive me. Elliot, is the most caring and compassionate person I know. He is my everything.


sexymermaid6956 64F
26393 posts
1/17/2006 8:12 am

Never give up sweetie..you sound sinsere but hooked..ask him to help you and as nike says just do it,,go to rehab and lean on him..do it for you as your the one who counts,,,

[]

Seduce my mind and my body


ilikeemyoung61 56M

1/18/2006 11:05 am

hey there take it from someone who has been there.It will all work out if you really want it too.It is a long hard road back but you will make it.You just have to figure out what it is you really want and then go for it.It takes time for the pain to go away and the wounds to heal.But you have to let go of it for that to happen. you can't keep holding on to it.Talking about it is a good start to letting go.Find a friend that you can trust and start to let it out you will start feeling better after that. Then it's time to find an objective listener who can help you sort out everything that you are feeling.prefferably a proffesional.Remember you are worth the fight to get feeling better about yourself.Keep on trying and good luck


sexymermaid6956 64F
26393 posts
1/18/2006 2:13 pm

sweet girl...let it all go and find a way to love yourself and forgive yourself..step one step two step three there is always a sequince to healing..i am in agreement with likenyoung61..hugs to yo take baby steps and most of all believe in yourself

[]

Seduce my mind and my body


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