Not Yet Enough....  

desertslowhand 53M
14 posts
7/9/2006 11:46 pm

Last Read:
12/7/2007 8:37 pm

Not Yet Enough....

The other day my wife told me that she does not feel anything for me anymore.

Normally, one would take these as marching orders and start divorce proceedings.

Yet this, this ultimate step, I cannot do.

Her statement came as no surprise. Over many years I have watched her become more and more distant. So I was not shocked or upset, at least not visably or not at first. However, every day, every hour, I think about her. They are not always good thoughts. Sometimes I think about planting a full kiss right on her lips and telling her how much I love her. Other times I imagine telling her to hit the road.

This is what first brought me to AdultFriendFinder. I was thinking about having an illicit liaison. My concious mind was imagining having sex with someone exciting, but later I realized what I want is for someone to *really* want me.

But I can't do it yet. The price of an affair is more then I am willing to pay right now. I guess this is what seperates the men from the apes. I look at the possible consequences and decide to keep "Mr. Willy" zipped up.

There will come a time though, when I cannot take it anymore. I will try to find a woman who is willing to be intimate for no reason other then a few hours of playful passion.

But not yet...

MyEnglishF 51F

10/6/2006 1:24 pm

"not yet enough" is one phrase that I am too familiar with.
Though mine has a different purpose than yours and IF and WHEN mine catches up with me... the price I will pay is more drastic and damaging than yours might be (perhaps)... but I am afraid that it WILL come... everything has an end...
Is divorce too bad that you think of it as a high price to pay...? OR am I being too presumptuous to think that is the price you talk... and if you are talking about losing the woman you love... as they say, she is not yours to lose when she does not want you anyway... Why don't you want to move on...?

NOW mine will be more damaging... because I am a woman... a woman who was taught to be dependant on others... I have never been able to decide for myself and never gained the confidence to do so... (example for you to realize what I mean, I was 18 and getting married, and my mother had to choose the dress I wanted to wear to parties... and now although I choose, but if my husband does not approve I won't feel comfortable the whole night...)
So... you see I have more to lose... not to mention my kids and... lengthy discussion...
The point is that I can't survive on my own... hence a horrible price for me to pay IF I LOSE control... and I don't mean to lose control and sleep around... done that already... (Shhhhusssh...) but I mean... losing the hold I have over my life and how people think of me as the person I am to them... and who I really am and feel in my heart... Lose the hold on being in control of who is who and when inside me... and playing the part of the person I am supposed to be while I can still let go of the other free in my heart...
Do I make sense...?
So... why don't you want to move on...? You can be free... of her and of feelings... let go and be free... But then again... there is always more to every story than meets the eye...

desertslowhand 53M
21 posts
10/25/2006 11:23 pm

Yes, a divorce would hurt me financially. It would effect the kids, probably not for the better.

But most important, I would lose the woman I love forever. As you say, if she is not mine already, then I have nothing to lose. long as we are married and living in the same house, maybe, just maybe, I can recover that spark, that something, that caused her to love me in the first place.
As it stands, we actually have a good relationship in most ways. She just is not in love with me the way I am with her. She does not ever give me a hug "just because". She does not touch me on the shoulder and say "let's go to bed". About the closest she gets is to ask "Are we going to bed now?"
She is not cold when I hug her and she will give me a 2-second kiss on the lips without complaint. She does not refuse me sex when I approach her, but I am not very good at asking and so we are less frequent then I like.
What I want more then anything else would be for her to approach me, nibble my neck and breathe into my ear that she wants me. For us to to be lying side-by-side in bed and have her reach over to me. I want her to want me!
I realize my complaints are about sex, but that is what I am missing right now in my life. If I were to have an affair, it would be only about the passion and sex. I already have everything else.

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