The Man, The Myth  

dasher121 37M
3656 posts
9/1/2006 5:38 am

Last Read:
10/26/2006 5:27 am

The Man, The Myth

Let me paint an all too familiar situation for you. Man and woman are having sex, man's penis slips out, man goes to reinsert, hits the OTHER hole by mistake.

Now, some females believe this to be a conspiracy, that all men are obsessed with anal sex and will go through any means to get there, even if by some sneakery. Well, this just is not true gals. It goes like this:

The TRUE brain of a man is located in his balls. Yep, the testicles. You see, when a man is not erect, the balls sag. They have room to breath, the true male brain can think shit through. It can analyze, comprehend, and make decisions. When aroused, the balls constrict, fill up with cum. And all of the blood that was once there moves into the penis. The brain in the balls has no oxygen or room to breath. So it shuts down and lets the penis take over.

The penis is uttery stupid, almost completely blind, runs on primal instincts, and is a TERRIBLE decision maker. The worst actually. And this is where we get into trouble. Thats usually why the penis sometimes bumps into the wrong hole, it just cant see. And it wants to go somewhere, and somewhere fast!!!!

Many women find men to only be useful for their penis, reguarless of its idiotic nature you still need it for personal pleasure. Well, when you can get it to work right that is lol. But we men do have other great uses to you. And I believe you need a reminder of that.


Uses of a Man:

-entertainment: admit it, our simple nature does provide you with countless hours of personal amusement. Our strange ways, although making no sence to you, intruige and interest you to no end.

-hands: we come equipped with large hands for opening things.

-no "push up on you syndrome": ever been out to a club and are dancing it up with your girls, When suddenly from behind you a guy moves in and starts humping the shit out of your ass? And to make it worse, he has absolutely no rythm and throws you off of your groove?

At which point your girls must close in the circle around you providing a protective woman shield. Well, with a man out with you, that doesnt happen...period. So we are the ultimate cock blocker really. And our skills are legendary for foiling other guys attempts at sweet nothing lol.

-rule with an iron fist: no matter what type of personality or demeanor a man has, you know how to manipulate him to do your bidding. Maybe its a sweet little voice you put on, or something sexy you do. Hell, you may just even order the man to do your bidding. Either way, to avoid conflict with you and a long discussion about your expectations of us, we'll do anything!!!

-Morning wood: Good old faithful. That is the one thing you can count on with us, every morning we are hard as a fucking rock.

-head: Besides sex, we love a good bj, period. You know that if you give us a great RANDOM headshot(ie: in the car, just watching TV, or outsomewhere) we are going to do any favor afterwards for the gracious gesture. If you swallow? Good lord we'll paint the house, get you tampons, and talk to your mother on the phone while you dodge the convo.

We hate this, we know its a trap, but once again its that whole ball constricting thing. And even worse, we know that you know. And you know that we know that you know. Which makes it ten times worse!

Im sure there are more things to add here so if you ladies or gents can think of something Ive missed feel free to share. I ran out of things, my balls have constricted and Im having trouble focusing at the moment.

End Transmission,

Dude.


willudomeharder 40F
85 posts
9/1/2006 6:53 am

Dasher...this could be the very best blog entry in the history of the world. Every word is so true! But...you did forget a couple things that you men are good for:

moving day - The whole process of packing up all your belongings, carrying them to a truck/trailer, driving them somewhere far far away, and then carrying all the boxes and furniture up 13 flights of stairs doesn't seem so bad when you have a couple men there to help out.

dogs - NOTHING is cuter than a man with his dog. Playing fetch, taking a nap on the couch, riding in the passenger seat with it's whole body halfway out the window....it's just adorable.

and finally...

SEX - It just isn't right unless there's a man there.


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:36 am:
damn how could i have forgotten moving day!! very nice, and so very true hahahaha.

MWWwantmore 52F

9/1/2006 8:42 am

Yeah I guess men are good for some things besides sex



I'll have a cafe, mocha, vodka, valium latte to go please!

Good girls go to heaven.....bad girls go down!!


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:37 am:
yep, a few things...not many lol.

kinkybutcute27 39F
23 posts
9/1/2006 9:13 am

Reminds me of one of my friend's favorite EMT stories: They pull up to a house where a man had called 911 saying his wife had collapsed in the shower. So they go in & try to revive her, she eventually wakes up & has no idea what happened. They press the hubby for more info & he finally fesses up that they were going at it in the shower doggy style, when his thingy "slipped out" and accidentally went in the other hole (at full speed). This, of course can cause a rapid increase in blood pressure which caused her to pass out. She was not happy - lol - and was still yelling at him when the paramedics left.


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:38 am:
hahahah that was hilarious!!! too too funny, thanks for sharing. and hell yes I bet she was madder than hell!! hahahaha.

rm_AnOddGirl 58F
3469 posts
9/1/2006 1:49 pm

Love Morning Wood and I don't mean the band!!!

lol


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:39 am:
there's a band called morning wood? really? hahaha.

MOfunNOWWOW 56F

9/1/2006 2:38 pm

Gawddddddddd I love MEN...and you just rock papi!


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:39 am:
I do try my best sexy mami!

MOfunNOWWOW 56F

9/1/2006 2:38 pm

There is also that big tongue thing


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:40 am:
hahaha, yes there is that as well lol.

concupiscentKid 41M

9/1/2006 2:49 pm

so when I first wake up in the morning, I'm really scratching my brain


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:42 am:
that is correct sir.

snowdragon2006 42M

9/1/2006 8:50 pm

You forgot driving. Afterall when we have a buult in compass always pointing north (or south, east, or west...or staight up) its hard to get lost. Women just can't do without, even if we do get lost three times and refuse to ask for directions.


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:46 am:
hahahaha yet another great thing I forgot to mention...the man compas hahaha.

rm_texasgal1978 47F
225 posts
9/2/2006 5:52 am

Great post- I knew there most be a reason I love men


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:48 am:
one or many...actually probably just a few hahaha.

rm_The_joker62
315 posts
9/2/2006 3:46 pm

good one dude


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:48 am:
thanks, and thanks for the visit to me humble abode

LaVadaLicious 55F  
2770 posts
9/2/2006 5:15 pm

YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKED!
Spread the legs and go at it! Pick any of your friends
And FUCK THEM! This is for any one you think is hot!

RULES:
1- You can fuck the person who fucked you, of course.
2- You can fuck the same person as many times as you
Can (c'mon, ENDURANCE)! Be creative!*
3- You -MUST- spread the sex! At least 1 fuck is fine
And dandy!
4- You should fuck in public! Be adventurous, damn it.
Paste it on their user page so they feel sluttish!
5- Random sex is perfectly okay!
6- Please, don't worry about same gender fucking, it's
HOT.
7- You should most definitely get started fuckin'
Right away!

This is about showing everyone how much you care for
Them and HOW BAD YOU WANT THEM! Make everyone feel a
Little loved! Please don't take this too personally,
BUT I JUST FUCKED YOU LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!



Stop in and Sign The Guest Book


~~~~


meerkittykat 43F

9/4/2006 7:35 pm

Well, the solution to all that is to find a woman that enjoys that "accidental slippage" as long as you don't make a habit of it.

As for the head category, which gets the bigger payoff: Swallowing or that whole "cum on your tits (face, ass, ect.)" dynamic?


dasher121 replies on 9/5/2006 9:51 am:
hmm, you know, Im going to have to ponder that one for a bit hmmm

Catdoc2000 58M

9/5/2006 6:40 pm

You forgot to mention the inevitable tightening of the sphincter muscle at announcement of this surprise entry and the occasional sprained wiener that results from it! OUCH!!!

Damn good stuff dude!


dasher121 replies on 9/7/2006 4:02 am:
ah how could I forget the old puckering of the asshole hahahaha.

goldinboy2 61M

9/6/2006 5:16 am

Goodness gracious great balls of fire.you been thinkin with your balls again haven't you.Great post grasshopper.


dasher121 replies on 9/7/2006 4:02 am:
I try to do as much thinking with my balls as possible lol.

thank you Obi-Wan.

rm_AnOddGirl 58F
3469 posts
9/6/2006 6:50 am

Dude, like I thought you knew would know about Morning Wood... lmao...


dasher121 replies on 9/7/2006 4:03 am:
well I do suffer from an extreme case of morning wood so I figure Id know hahaha.

any female who fucks with me in the morning gets a nice surprise hahaha.

LONELY5207 49M
261 posts
9/6/2006 9:08 pm

MMM Well you forgot if while having sex if your finger that has no eye play's with there ass just before orgasam it will increase it bt 10 fold perparing for the penis with no brain to make his move on round two, there for giving him a better chance for not getting smaked out of the wrong hole or maybe that's with guy's I don't remember I just lost blood to my brain LMAO

take care,


dasher121 replies on 9/7/2006 4:04 am:
thanks for the comment and the vist, and very true hahahaha.

yeah be careful, blood rushes from the "brain" randomly and at quick intervals lol.

_Safira 55F
11260 posts
9/11/2006 11:52 am

SWEETPEA ~ Wickedly observant and spot-on ... as usual. Now bend over! ?* / / {=}

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

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