Old School Monday  

dasher121 37M
3656 posts
8/28/2006 7:58 am

Last Read:
10/12/2006 5:47 am

Old School Monday

Hola Freaky darlings, assbags, and various other characters. It is less than a month from the one year mark of me being a blogger in this delightfully strange community. So I thought Id do a little celebration of sorts. From now up until the actual day that would make it a year of me blogging, I will bring back an old post of mine on Mondays. Hence the name "Old school Monday" lol.

I know I know, Im just being lazy and recycling shit. But, recycling is good for the environment. So now I bring you:

The Perfect Profile:

Handle: ZeltarThEWiZard69 (this is supposed to be ficticious, so if by coincidence this is a real name on here......bless you man, bless you.)

Hi there!!! Welcome to my profile dark travelers. Im a single guy, 32yrs old. My hobbies are Star Trek conventions, intense games of DandD, online gaming. My sexual needs are not being met. Also, must not mind that after sex, I like to curl up into the fetal position and cry for about 20min.
Turn ons: Alien women, William Shatner, and Jessica Rabbit(i can freeze frame her on my computer and see right up her dress!! it took hours to do but i did it!!).
We will have to meet at my parents house where I still live. I would like to go out and have a nice meal at Chucky Cheese where you are required to buy the pizza(my online gaming keeps me from work) and you will also have to order Chucky and friends to dance and sing happy birthday for me(even though its not my birthday). Then back to my place for some fun hehe. I do share a room with my 16 year old brother so we will have to keep it down. But I promise it will be the best 30seconds of your life!
I do have an obsession for alien women(the ones on star trek just get me going!) so please, unless your skin color is purple, or are willing to let me spray paint you.......Im not interested.
Looking for some bitchez to fulfill my deepest fantasies. My best friend told me that women like being called bitches,he said it makes them "wet". Not really sure what that means but I like to swim also so we can set up my kiddie pool. But youll have to blow up my floaties for me(I lose my breath easily). Of course he's a 32 yr old virgin and has never talked to a woman, but Im sure he knows what he's talking about, bitchez.
My fantasy would be to have you dress up like Lena the snow princess(my favorite DandD card!). I will be Zeltar the Wizard. We will battle it out in my parents basement(I still live at home) for control of the Dark Crystal of Maanoor. I have a very elaborite battle planned out, see me later for details. During which I will loose, and you will conduct my punishment of soaking me in 20 gallons of cottage cheese and licking jelly beans to my face. I will then be stripped of my powers by you and Duloban(played by my grandfather.....have to let him get involved, he lives in the basement.). Must like to be video taped as my brother will be filming so I can show this at the next convention.
Ok, someone please email me!!! The 20 gallons of cottage cheese is really starting to smell and my mom is threating to ground me for a month. Maybe its my color requirement. Im willing to accept other colors than purple.

- yeah, this one was pretty stupid haha, but that would be my mood today, goofy-stupid. I like that

marathonman45202 54M
6640 posts
8/28/2006 10:34 am

dude, that is funny shit. I've always wanted to post the antithesis of the typical profile. It would probably include stuff like - hygienically challenged (it's not my fault I can't fit into the shower), I own trophies for my halitosis, significantly under-endowed (difficult to find because I am soooo fat), meaner than a junkyard dog, I am the poster child for hw disproportion, no means I'm gonna try harder to make you say okay, my friends call me Jabba The Hut, I'm not looking to change my life - I'm miserable enough . . .

dasher121 replies on 8/28/2006 11:03 am:
glad you liked it man, and those are some fucking funny ones you have hahahaha. you should do one, got some great material there


MWWwantmore 52F

8/28/2006 11:38 am

You are too much LOL

Your blogs always crack me up

I'll have a cafe, mocha, vodka, valium latte to go please!

Good girls go to heaven.....bad girls go down!!

dasher121 replies on 8/28/2006 5:36 pm:
I do try my best

Catdoc2000 58M

8/28/2006 12:51 pm

I actually chatted with a woman who gave me the elfquest url wanting me to check out what kind of fantasies she liked...

dasher121 replies on 8/28/2006 5:37 pm:

and really man, thats about all I can say to that! hahahaha, thats too fucking funny. You just took comment of the week for sure lol.

meerkittykat 43F

8/28/2006 12:52 pm

You know what the worst thing is????

Before big Viking games, I paint my face purple. Hopefully ole Zelthar isn't in the stands and recognizes me from my profile. You never know when the Role-Players convention is in town and they've got a block of seats at the Metrodome.

dasher121 replies on 8/28/2006 5:38 pm:
You never know,

you never know muahahahahaha!

velvetgrrrl 40F

8/28/2006 2:59 pm

have you read my profile?


And you should have seen what it was before. My previous profile stated something along the lines of this...


In reality I am a sixty year old man who uses modern medicine's ability to alternate to transform me into this redheaded goth goddess. My Internet is to gain a cult following of twenty something men who will praise my fictitious tits while not knowing about my saluting dick. The goal to turn you to the dark side in order to conquer the universe in total domination. You see I took on the operations cause only young men can help little willy come to full attention as my old hands just can't accomplish what they once could.

I'm in search for the geek of my dreams so that we may live forever in my parent's basement to enjoy each other's company rent free and invite all our virginal friends over to role play where I will be your dungeon master and you can be my well hung warrior monk and we shall rule the realms with an iron dick! Until my geek freak or nerd ventures into the comic shop I will continue to truck on and masturbate to you young things who send me your cock shots knowing my fake titties gave you an erection t so you'd web cam that cum all over my IM window!

Keep on truckin baby keep on truckin!

I so need to chat with you away from this site

Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.

dasher121 replies on 8/28/2006 5:40 pm:
Holy crap........bowing graciously to the master.

Catdoc2000 58M

8/28/2006 3:21 pm

P.S. Great post! Being a lazy bastard by nature I'll enjoy reading what you pick out as your favorite posts.

Of course you do realize that this is going into the psych profile I'm building on you.....

dasher121 replies on 8/28/2006 5:41 pm:
oh of course! and just a word of advice, two filing cabinets instead of one for me. the last person to try and keep a psych file on me ran out of room.

digdug41 50M

8/28/2006 4:57 pm

Jeez what will you think of next dasher you are just insane!

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

dasher121 replies on 8/28/2006 5:42 pm:
Who knows dug?

Only Batman of course, only Batman.

velvetgrrrl 40F

8/28/2006 6:18 pm


My current one kind of mirrors your little joke profile which I put up as a joke because no one read sa them anyhow. I'm always impressed when someone does. makes me feel all warm and gooeya nd sticky like melted jell-o

Don't forget I have a couple of years on you

Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.

dasher121 replies on 8/29/2006 7:22 am:
i checked out your profile after reading that comment and you are correct. It does have similarities.

strange minds think alike i suppose.

Allsleeky 37F

8/28/2006 9:32 pm

Can we be lazy together? Welcome back sweetie!

dasher121 replies on 8/29/2006 7:21 am:
hmmm, let me think here.

be lazy with sleeky?

work today?

Ill take be lazy with sleeky for 400 alex.

snowdragon2006 42M

8/28/2006 10:28 pm

Dude, you sure know alot about the whole role-playing thing. It kind of tells us what you were doing before you discovered girls, weed, blogging.

And as for the purple painted lady, let me know if you get any positive responses. Cause, it would be good to see purple ladies without the assistance of pharmaceuticals.

dasher121 replies on 8/29/2006 7:20 am:
Yes, your comment about me knowing a little too much about that life style has come up before. You see, when I was younger, I was part of a special program, kind of like 21 Jump street. You rememeber,the show with Johnny Depp way back in the day about the teen undercover cops?

anywho, I was part of one such program here in western PA. I had to infultrate a group of role playing sadists. It left its scars on me...

goldinboy2 61M

8/29/2006 5:17 am

LOL pretty good dude. and there nothing wrong with being a virgin we all are when were with someone for the first time.woohoo

dasher121 replies on 8/29/2006 7:58 am:
yep, being with someone for the first time would make one a virgin hahaha

concupiscentKid 41M

8/29/2006 7:20 am

You're cracking me up dude!

dasher121 replies on 8/29/2006 7:59 am:
thanks man, i do try my best lol. I was crying I was laughing so hard at your last post you did, the remake of the song. too funny man.

red_hot_trucker 59F

10/9/2006 3:43 pm

ok, you really should go read my profile...

not quite the same, but it gets a laugh never the less...

[post 1785076]

dasher121 replies on 10/12/2006 5:49 am:
oh I have read your profile, in fact read it before I left you a comment for the first time.

I was cracking up.

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