Raise Your Glasses, Damnit! Cheers!!!  

darkcappacino 48M
16 posts
4/3/2006 2:46 am
Raise Your Glasses, Damnit! Cheers!!!

I see that I am still ever so popular here but that's okay. I'm in the middle of my two month birthday celebration so I can't let still strangers bother me at this point.

Jack Daniels visits me two or three times a week. Johnnie Walker just sits at the bar. And Jim Beam is my backup when JD is gone. Or is that the breakfast sausage? Anywho, it is going in my mouth!

You know what they say? Gin makes you sin! That's a damn lie! Gin helps you win! What's that other saying? Candy's dandy but liquor's quicker. No, its beer before liquor makes you sicker but liquor before beer, have no fear. But where in the hell is the wine? Tow the line by drinking wine. I think I made that up myself. Make the ugly one mine with enough wine! That's mine too. My favorite one ain't mine though. Sing with me this part now. Every body knows, Wild Irish Rose, at home it taste great, when you're out on a date... Please tell me I'm not the oldest bitch in the room and somebody knows it other than me!

And can you explain why certain things exist? Old Milwaukee? Milwaukee's Best? Hamm's? First of all, Milwaukee had better stick to cheese. Second, the shit taste like water with piss for color and foam for effect. Makes about as much sense to me as buying O'Douls! Like the taste of beer is so fascinating you'd want it without the alcohol? Do people really drink beer for the taste and not the alcohol? If you believe that, you're drunker than I am. But I can't close this paragraph without a sing-a-long so join me in joyous song. From the rushing sky blue waters, waters, comes a ....its the commercial for Hamm's beer. What? You only know the Coke song?

And I just love drinking in a bar! The cute bartenders, the friendly patrons, the trivia, the pool, the darts, the extra nudity. That's right children. Some folks play for money. Others play for drinks. I play for threads! I also love doing body shots off the guys brave enough to play me at my games. Navels, armpits, butt cracks, it's all good with me. And of course, Karaoke! I drink from the time I arrive to close. But every time I hear my name to sing, I down a shot of 151! It just moves everything out of the way, including my fears and inhibitions. So I start the night singing Barry White and end it with Mariah Carey!

Now I have a theory I'm going to check out. I have believed for the longest time that I do everything better when I'm tipsy or drunk. The more alcohol I have, the better I get. So if more than 35 people read this thing, that will confirm my theory, beating my last two posts combined. If not, it doesn't really matter because I don't intend to post many more of these drunk. That said, let me leave you with a closing thought. Why do even the crappiest beers make a light? Old Milwaukee Light and Milwaukee's Best Light? What is that? Water with even less piss and foam? Give me a break! Better yet, get me a drink...of the hard stuff baby! Till next time...

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