I really do feel the love and support from my friends  

dano6332 57M
363 posts
10/11/2005 4:00 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I really do feel the love and support from my friends

I was hesitant to post something depressing but just wanted to sat thanks to everyone. The last couple of days I have been very down and if I had to put a time line on it I think it started the other day when that jackass posted his ugly comments about cops. I am normally not the type who gets down easily (my sweetie thinks I tend to be pollyanish at times) and am actually an upbeat guy who never stops.
Last night when I went to her house for dinner (Spinach salad, stuffed pork loin and potatoes mmmmmmm my baby can cook) I fell asleep on the couch as she worked and woke up crabby and depressed. I felt ignored (which I am not as she devotes herself to my satisfaction) and could not put a handle on it. Today I spent the day online job hunting and realized I have been out of work for 2 months. I have had lots of interviews and had several companies call me back for 2nd and third interviews but nothing yet. The bills are still under control but things are getting tight and now I have a woman I want to spoil. It seems silly to worry but when I am with a partner (and I truly expect this to be a life partner) I want and need to spoil her. It is just the way I am wired so I have tuned back my expectations from dinner and a movie to making her lunch and lots of sex and backrubs. I guess it is only an issue for me as she certainly understands but I still feel bad we never go out.
I think the real problem is we (men) are so wrapped up in what we do for a living that when we are without work we begin to lose our sense of identity and self worth. Sounds stupid as we are much more than our work but it also seems to be the way we work. That is why when men are together one of the first questions is "what do you do?" right now my answer is I look for work and I make lunches for my sweetie.
Not a bad life but it does not pay the bills and it is starting to get to me.


10/11/2005 7:41 pm

Your time will come it always works out in the end. Not being a man , at least the last time I checked I wasn`t I don`t know it from your perspective, from mine I have not worked in almost seven moths , can you say boredommmmmmmmmmmmm and lack of self worth.

Your Lady is lucky I`d rather my sweetie give me massages than go out
any time.But his idea is the jets in the hot tub do the masasging, hmmm boy does he need a talking too

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
10/11/2005 9:15 pm

1) lunch, sex and back rubs win out over dinner and movies ANY DAY.
2) it's not just men re: career focus. My ex and I split about the same time and my long term career and I split. Getting over the career was way, way harder. It really was.
3) blog whenever the mood strikes you - no need to worry about being in a bummer mood. We're all here, no matter what.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

tillerbabe 57F

10/11/2005 10:35 pm

YOu are very right in that many men place their identity so close to employment. It's not ony the way men are wired, but the pressures society puts on you.

I love the way you talk about your sweatheart, it is clear that you have a wonderful life with her she's very lucky to have you.

So, you used to be a cop. Hmmmmmm - what does that tell me?
Well that:

1. Self sacrificing
2. Courageous
3. Resourceful and Intelligent
4. A problem solver
5. Instinctual
6. Strong
7. You have integrity

How can you lose with these traits? You will be fine Dano - 2 months is a short time in the total scheme of our time here on earth. The reason you haven't "found" employment? Because the best job for you hasn't revealed itself.

You can do this. I believe in you.

dano6332 57M

10/12/2005 5:24 am

Blonde, You want me to talk to him? Hot tubs are nice but no substitute at all for the teasing and pleasing of your partners hands. It does mess with your sense of worth which is stupid but is something we all deal with. I can move to Boston for a job or Florida but the youngest is only 14 so I do not want to see the boys less than I do now and my baby is here so I cant relocate.

Wahine, That is a sad commentary that you missed the job more than him. Guess it is a good thing you broke up but that is a really hard double whammy at the same time.

Tiller, Your right 2 months is not long at all but for me it seems an eternity. I am positive that a job will come along but am just growing impatient. Thanks for the encouragement.

Huny, Your the best and one the people I am really looking forward to seeing at the party. Being a attached man now is it ok with Ky if I give you a big hug?

DefiniteTrouble 51F

10/12/2005 6:38 am

Dano - It'll work out.

DON'T question your self worth. You're priceless, my friend.

And I much prefer the intimacy of backrubs, sex, and cuddling on the couch watching tv over dinner and a movie out anyday.

five_speed 42M

10/12/2005 1:31 pm

I feel your pain on this one, dude. Money is getting tight on my end too. Gonna have to find work pretty soon I reckon. I'm hoping to find something that pays the bills and gives me plenty of time to write. Hopefully things will work out for you and me both. Don't question your worth, man. I know it's easy to doubt, but you can't do that. you have to remain confident. What you do for a living does not have to tie directly to who you are. I am just learning this leason myself. It's hard to learn too!

dano6332 57M

10/12/2005 2:16 pm

DT and 5 what the hell are you to doing on line.... GO BACK TO BED.
Love you guys and thanks

keithcancook 61M
17930 posts
10/12/2005 2:37 pm

I agree that self worth can be easily tied to career. Unfortunate, but true. As the others above me have shown, there is so much more to us than career. Still, it is hard to feel great when ya wanna woo a woman, but cash flow is holding ya back.

On the up side, you are aware of the cause of this depression. That is the first step in dealing with it. Also a plus is that your woman appears to love you irregardless of present circumstances. That should help temper your feelings...

Hang in there dano, you have a support group here as well as the ones in real life.

rbestgurl 56F

10/12/2005 3:07 pm

Please don't underestimate the time that is spent together...you ahve the divine opportunity to spend that time with someone you love and reconnect...when you get a job and I think it will be very soon, the additional pressures will soon add up and you will look back on these days with longing.

I for one prefer the comfort of ones one domain, where you can sprawl out, be partially clothed, watch what ever your heart desires, pause if necessary (!), and enjoy the complete attention of each other....

During the day, at work, running errands, attending to others, it is so wonderful to have a safe haven to come home too, a friendly face, a soft touch and warm words...

The job...in time and when it is meant to be...It is what you do not who you are. Look beyond what you have done and take your gifts and skills and look beyond and see what could be...

You are supported and adored and more...loved by a women who sees what you are and what you can be...there are no expectations...keep doing what you are doing and the rest will take care of its self....

rm_bella_ 48F
4030 posts
10/12/2005 5:40 pm

Patience..it will come..maybe enjoy this time with her as once work begins this time will be restricted...appreciation doesn't begin with gifts but rather your undivided attention...be happy.

dano6332 57M

10/13/2005 5:50 am

Keith, Your right this blogland is a support network as well as a source of much amusement. My girl is the best and supports me in all I do but I do want to woo her and go to little hotels for the weekend, concerts and dinners. I can be patient and will work through it. Thanks

Rbestgurl, your my best girl and I do thank you for your support and love every day.

Bella, Your right but hard to go from the board room to non stop job searching with poor results so far. I do enjoy the time with her so there is an upside.

goddessofbitches 42M/34F

10/13/2005 11:17 am

OK...I am sorry to skip over all of the other's comments...and I hope I don't repeat anything anyone else has said...but I don't want their comments to affect the response I have in my head.

As a wife and mother of two...and being 21, I have a thing about me being a stay at home mom. My mom was always gone and had me babysitting my sisters. It has affected me in ways I didn't think it could. I no longer like sitting in my own house taking care of my two kids because it feels like I have done this for a decade now...which technically...I have.

I don't like being out of work...and living in this shit college town doesn't help none. All of the jobs pay shit here because college kids will work for even the minimum wage that hasn't gone up in at least 6 yrs...because they want party money. So..no businesses around here ever offer anything more that 5.15 to 6 bucks an hour. So...lookin for a job is tedious and very stressing...I know..I'm there.

But one thing you can't loose sight of is you are a good man. She knows what she has and I'm sure she isn't going to mind a tempory hault to going out. Sure...she probably wants to go to the movies...but she obviously cared about you enough that she is willing to set that aside. Most women won't have anything to do with a man who isn't working.

Lastly...I went back and read wht that shit bag said about cops. In my expirience...those who speak of law enforcement that way are usually kids who want to steal and do drugs...or someone who has been in prison since he was a teen and hasn't ever grown up. I say to that particular guy..

FUCK YOU!! If it weren't for police.. lives would not be worth living.

Take it from me honey. Job searching can get you down. But please remember one thing....you are a good man...and you will find something at some point. Just don't give up. The best things come to those that wait.


Always The Bitch

dano6332 57M

10/16/2005 11:12 am

Mandy, Your the best hopefully I will land a job soon and it will be a moot point I can always count on you to tell people what I would like to but am to polite to say

rm_luke69iner 49M
3275 posts
10/16/2005 11:53 pm

Don't sweat it Dano. Remember to keep that confidence that got you through day to day in your previous jobs. Interviewers want to see that fire in your eyes. Remember what you're working for.

You, me, Five, and Trav are in the same boat with the unemployment. You are in good demented company. Heck I think I might actually put out some resumes tomorrow.

Find the company you're interested in and take whatever job they will give and then your ability will move you up to the job you want.

Leave them begging for you at your next interview.

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

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