Thoughtful mood  

dandelion60540 107F
79 posts
4/7/2006 11:06 pm

Last Read:
5/10/2006 8:09 pm

Thoughtful mood

June 22 will mark the 32th anniversary of the death of my very first love. His name was Jeff. I miss him. Some days I don't even think about him and then when I do I feel bad that I had not thought of him for a while. He was my best friend. We met through mutual friends and from day one we spent almost every day together. I was 17, he was 22. He had been with a girl since they were in 7th grade. I never cared for her. I never even gave thought to Jeff and I being a couple yet I knew I didn't want him with her. I never told him that. I think he knew. Most of our group of friends didn't like her so he brought her around less and less. After we knew each other for a year or so Jeff came to my house. I was 18 now. I was so naive. Like I said I never had a boyfriend before. He had called me and told me he needed to talk to me. So we sat on my bed and I asked him what was up? He tells me he needs my input, after all we are best friends, he says. He looks at me and says, "I met someone and I am so in love with her. I am afraid to tell her. And what do I tell Jan? We have been together for so long. But I love this girl like I have never loved anyone before in my life. I can't live without her." I sit there a minute and I say to him, "Jeff, you need to do what is best for you. You need to tell Jan the truth and you need to let that girl know how much she means to you." Well, I never imagined in a million years I was the girl he was in love with! He told me thanks for talking to him and he went back to work. He broke up with Jan. We were as close as ever. Yet he never told me it was me he was in love with. I loved him so much. Secretly I wanted to be his girlfriend. I never told him. The last time I saw him was the day of my best friend Laura's wedding.We were at Pheasant Run Resort, St. Charles. He left shortly after midnight. My purse and keys were in his car. So I had to spend the night at his friend Mark's house in Naperville, still in my bridesmaid's dress. The phone rang at Mark's house around 5 a.m. Mark made a makeshift bed on the living room floor near me on the couch. He woke his roommate up. They would not let me out of their sight. Mark made some phone calls and a few calls came in. He always left the room when he was on the phone. Mark seemed so strange. I even made the remark to Mark, "GEES, what's with you? You act as though you lost your best friend." Around 7:30 I said I was going to walk to Jeff's work to get my purse. Mark's roommate, Ken pushed me back down on the couch. I was so surprised. I got mad and started hollering at him, "Who do you think you are?" Mark says, "Man, I wish Dave and Laura would get here." I say, "They are on their way to Florida. What do you mean you wish they would get here?" Just as soon as I said that I heard the back door open and Laura call out my name. I knew that instance Jeff was dead. No one had to say a word. I was crying so hard. I ran out the back door, down the stairs and was headed across the parking lot. I have no idea where I was going. A police officer was ticketing cars in the parking lot. Mark hollered at him to catch me. The officer got a hold of me and held me in his arms while I sobbed. Mark and Laura came and got me, helped me back upstairs. Jeff said I need to go to the LaGrange Police Department with him. The police needed to talk to me. I was interviewed over 5 hours. They told me Jeff was found in his parent's garage in his Mother's car. He had burns over 40% of his body but that he didn't die from that. They suspected it was carbon monoxide poisoning. His car was 3 blocks from his parents. Everything was in the car but the marijuana. His wallet was not on him. They thought it was suicide. To this day I do not believe that. My heart tells me differently then and still. I love you, Jeff. I miss you, Jeff. RIP


powerbella 44F

4/8/2006 2:40 am

Phew...you have me in tears here!! Is it just so important to just tell the people around us that we love, that we love them. Jeff will always be in your heart and mind...first love never dies within us...


dandelion60540 107F
76 posts
4/8/2006 6:43 am

Sorry Power. This was always something I wanted to write and never had. I was in tears, too. He was a great guy.


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