Another Day Another Hole  

cutiepiexxx20 31F
13 posts
7/12/2006 9:17 am
Another Day Another Hole

Well, things went from bad to worse. I went to court yesterday for my 2nd offense no insurance ticket and driving on the wrong side of the road. I barely took a wide turn on accident. Geez. $470.00 and the judge told me I have to turn in my plates and registration paper. I was so angry yesterday, so I went to my ex's house again hoping to hear the "right" words he always says. His baby's mama was there no big deal because I know he don't like her because she is a crackhead. He came outside and we talked and before I could say anything about my horrible day, I looked on his neck and there it was a huge hickey. A HICKEY. I pointed to it and asked him "whats this?" just playfully. He said he went to this place and got a lapdance and fuc*** this mexican girl there. He said he was drunk and one thing led to another. I punched him in the stomach "playfully" "pretending" to be angry. I said, "You aren't ever going to change are you?" He said, "I already told you I'm not ready to settle down anytime soon. You knew this." He is 30 years old and still hasn't grown up. I love this man, but after last night I cried and cried wondering how could I tell myself he would change and want a relationship with me?!? I feel dumb, I was prepared for a heartbreak though, so this time it don't hurt that bad. I always expect the worst before I jump into the pool of the unexpected. He said he'd call me later and try to come over afterwork the next day to f*** me. Now I don't know if I even WANT to fu** him anymore. I spent all night contemplating on what I should do. I decided I am not going to call him anymore and see how long it takes for him to call me...that's if he even does. If it's more than 7 days then I am going to delete him out of my life. I hate this crap, I love him with everything that I have. I bought him things, he still has them and I don't know why. He just doesn't want to settle down in a relationship, he said he got out of a 15 year relationship and not ready for another. All I could do that night was kiss him on the lips and hug him and all he could do was grab my ass. Excluding all thoughts that he is hugging someone who loves him and not just wants to f*** him. He knows this, why doesn't he want me? Am I going to have to wait until he is 40-45 years old before I could love him fully? I can't give him up, I will always answer his calls, I will always wait for him to call, always wait for him to fu** me so I can make love to him, I will always be waiting even if he finds a girlfriend. Always waiting, always. The sh**ty part about it, is that I'm wasting my life waiting for him just for a mere chance of being his girl. There is no guarentee that he will choose me and not some other skinny beautiful blonde haired white chick. I'm just an average mexican/native american chick with 2 kids. Then again, he has 2 boys and maybe that's why he can't find a girlfriend who is perfect like that who wants to be with him, because he HAS two boys who by the way act horrible. I always say hi to them and play with them and talk to them. They like me, why can't he see that he has someone who would DO ANYTHING for him??? WHY???? Just another day of my crappy life.

ASH


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