Bad Date??  

cuteNEway 42F
1774 posts
6/4/2006 7:11 am

Last Read:
6/21/2006 7:15 pm

Bad Date??

Assuming any of the cheap bastards on A F F finally decide to actually take you to dinner and you find that this person wasn't worth even brushing your teeth for, here is some great advice that I copied off a website that specializes in "How to Annoy" in any situation...

How to Annoy (Get Rid Of) A Blind Date
-Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves.
-Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than s/he does.
-Hold a debate. Take both sides.
-At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.
-Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.
-Repeat every third third word you say say.
-Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.
-Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.
-Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.
-Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.
-Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.
-Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
-Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up.
-Ask your date how much money they have with them.
-Order for your date. Order something nasty.
-Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.
-Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.
-Get your date drunk. Talk about their philosophy. Get it on tape, and use good judgment in editing to twist their words around.
-Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.
-Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.
-If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite.
-Bring 20 or so candles you, and during the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant.
-Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.
-Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces. In a simliar vein, insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.
-Accuse your date of espionage.
-Make odd allusions to dangerous religious cults.
-Quote Beavis & Butthead...especially in reference to how your date would like to be pleased.
-Shoot hoops with shrimp into his/her wine glass.
-Dominate the conversation. Every time your date opens his mouth, interrupt and start a new conversation.
-Belch. Rate yourself.
-Comment that the table would look simply marvelous with a severed head as a centerpiece.
-Count your contraceptives.
-Yawn. Don't cover your mouth. Roar.
-When the meal is done and the question arises of whether to go someplace else, politely decline saying that you have had your fill of bad taste for the night.

tee hee

cuteNEway 42F

6/4/2006 11:51 am

>>sigh<< wow...romance is dead.

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
6/4/2006 12:51 pm

Keep asking their blood type, medical history, talk about your need for a new kidney and keep telling them they're now on the donor candidate list.

You know, I have used that talk about weird cults thing to get rid of shallow dates. Of course, I've also been on dates where our knowledge of such is discussed and shared.

cuteNEway 42F

6/4/2006 2:40 pm

Oh of course the pagan thing is brought up initially to see how he'll react. If he reacts well he may turn into someone worth brushin yer teeth for!

tee hee

rm_LilBlondeNZ 41F
1028 posts
6/11/2006 11:05 am

Ask him every few minutes while brushing off your arm, shoulder, hair... "Is there a bug on me?"

Shout at the women at the table next to you, "Stop looking at us!"

Ask "So how many kids do you want to have?"

Tell him what you got on the SATs... 18 years ago.

Look at his shirt and note the color. Say loudly that you hate that color. Hold a grudge against him the whole evening for wearing it.

Ask if he has any cute brothers... or sisters.

Tell him you have to be home by 9 because you the babysitter has a math test tomorrow.


pendus78 39M

6/13/2006 3:57 am

You blew up your spot with this one, Cutey. Now I'll know your tactics for when we go out on a date. (I'm giving to myself too much credit here... I know!)

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