curious082385 32F
4230 posts
4/2/2006 5:39 am

Last Read:
4/2/2007 11:21 pm


I took a walk in the rain yesterday.
I love rainstorms in northern Cali this time of year. The grass is a vibrant green and everything looks so lush. Then the rain clouds move in and paint the sky in swirls of grey. Sounds are muffled and the world goes quiet, until the rain intensifies so that the only thing you can hear is the pounding beat of the storm. Everything gets misty and ethereal.
Dark grey contrasts with verdant green.
I've always loved to walk in the rain...somehow thoughts come easier. There is a cliff that rises behind my house and if you climb to the top, you can sit and stare out over my valley, and the rise and fall of other valleys behind it.

Yesterday, I left my house shaken and scared by a terrifying discovery. With raindrops on your cheeks, no one can tell if you are crying. In the sound of the storm, no one can hear you if you climb to the top of the hill and scream.
But I didn't cry or scream. Simply sat there and stared out over my home with a heart that felt so numb. My mind was empty, no thoughts or emotions.

The top of the cliff is one of the few places at my house where I have cell phone service and, after a close call a few years ago, I always take mine with me when I go walking up there. After sitting and watching the rain for close to an hour, I had almost forgotten that I had it.
Until it rang.
With a wry and slightly amused smile, I pulled it from my pocket to answer. Of course he would have known I needed him...he always has.
"Hey there, baby girl. Talk to me."
After having been together for a very intense five years, there is no one who knows me better then he does. I didn't even think, just opened my mouth and simply let the words come out. They were random and jumbled...jumping from one topic to the next and often with a constantly changing opinion. Long pause. Then a spark and off we go again, weaving an eclectic path through my thoughts. For the most part, he simply let me talk, throwing in a word or two of wisdom, debating a point here and there. But mostly he was just there. Just a solid presence as the confusion in my mind began to lift.

You see, words have always come easily to me. If I sit and think long and hard enough, I can work my way around a problem or find my way to the conclusion on my own. But I get there so much faster if I am writing it out or speaking it out loud. And somehow, putting it into words, either spoken or written, makes it feel deeper. More real. More true. The conclusions I came to on the cliff top were ones I found on my own. He didn't help me along or nudge my thoughts in the right direction. He just let me talk it out.

I sat down at this computer with the intentions of writing something different tonight. Or perhaps of sharing some of those thoughts and revelations. And somehow I ended up writing all of this. Not sure why. But my heart feels quieter for having written it all down and so I'm just going to roll with it, click post and hope that I haven't bored you all to tears by the time you get to the bottom of this. If you have even read this far. Perhaps tomorrow I will share more...if you are interested. But for now, this is a start down the path and for now, that is enough.

sassybelle21 33F  
13313 posts
4/2/2006 9:28 am

No you didn't bored me to tears. It was very profound and beautiful. Have a great day

curious082385 replies on 4/3/2006 5:03 am:
Thank you. Hope your day was wonderful too!

shyknight2005 43M
163 posts
4/2/2006 2:20 pm

Sharing is good, and you have someone here always willing to listen milady...

curious082385 replies on 4/3/2006 5:05 am:
Yes it is...it relieves the pressure of thoughts. Thank you again.

MaggiesWishes 61F

4/2/2006 6:21 pm

Sometimes the most simple pleasures in life ... are the breaths we take and the views that take our breath away.

warm huggies

curious082385 replies on 4/3/2006 5:07 am:
And those simple pleasures can help keep things in perspective too. They can remind you what is important.

onelittlesecret 34M
1579 posts
4/2/2006 7:11 pm

This was different... and soothing.

curious082385 replies on 4/3/2006 5:08 am:
It was soothing for me as well.
Different in a good way I hope.

elysianpleasure 48M

4/2/2006 10:00 pm

Very nice post... it is wonderful to have friends like that. We are here to listen when you are ready... share what you want... but feel no obligation.

curious082385 replies on 4/3/2006 5:13 am:
Yes it is. We had to work very hard for that friendship too. Our five years together was tumultuous and quite a roller coaster, but the friendship that we made out of it is wonderful and a blessing. And I know that you are and thank you for the lack of pressure.

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
4/3/2006 3:44 pm

Sometimes I think that posts write themselves. Especially when they really need to come out. Do what you need to do, re: writing and yea! that you have your wonderful friend.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

curious082385 replies on 4/6/2006 12:34 am:
"Sometimes I think that posts write themselves."
Oh yes, most definitely. Sometimes you sit down with the intention to write one thing, but your post comes out completely different. Part of the fun of it, I think.

GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
4/5/2006 3:44 pm

~ warm hugz 'n thoughtz ~

only a buzz away....

curious082385 replies on 4/6/2006 12:35 am:
And hugs back to you as well.
Yes, only a buzz away...if I could convince my IM to work.

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