The best that I could do  

curious082385 32F
4230 posts
7/12/2006 5:14 am

Last Read:
7/20/2006 11:52 pm

The best that I could do

I'm sorry for loving you
But giving you my heart
Was the best that I could do

I'm restless and independent
You tried to take that away
So that I would be sufficient

I'm sorry I cant be perfect
Its just the way I am
And to me thats worth it

Im tired of you thinking I'm sacred
Because I know your right
And it kills my ego

To know that you know every secret
You strip my fa├žade bare
I have nowhere else to hide

And now your smile electrifies
Like never before
And my heart skips a beat

Because you know the me under the laughter
Thats so falsified
I'm sorry that I'm not acceptable

But your standards are so cruel
Your eyes deep with hypocritical lines
You're the only one thats made me susceptible

I still think of those brilliant nights
When you'd hold me and whisper
"Lets turn out the lights."

And because of you
I'm still so broken
And every guy who wishes I was his
Smiles like you

This is a one way token
To buy a dream
That doesnt involve me wanting you

I'm useless so leave me alone
Get out of my mind
Why did you have to be so beautiful?

This heartache makes me counterfeit stone
Of the spirit that was so youthful
I have no excuses

This is me

As imperfectly perfect as I'm ever going to be
Take it or leave it
But don't look at me with those shadow eyes
The ones that strike me with such brutal goodbyes

I'm sorry for loving you
But giving you my heart
Was the best I could do



StillSmokin2oo6 45M/44F

7/12/2006 5:43 am

Sometimes our best works,aren't thought about,,they aren't planned out and edited till perfect,,they don't need to be ,they're already perfect,,sometimes they don't even come from our mind,but rather seem to ooze directly from our heart to the page,,that's what makes them so pure,,so much more us than any of us would like to admit...Whether you like it or not,and most of us don't,,those are the kind that have to find their way out,,have to be shared,,those are the ones that threaten to tear us apart from the inside...Thanks for sharing...


curious082385 replies on 7/14/2006 5:38 am:
And thank you for the encouragement on this post.
You are right too...the posts that are written straight from the heart, without the interference of the mind are the ones that are the raw and honest ones. But the planned ones have their own honesty too...just slightly more polished.

Glimmer_Man06 48M
3308 posts
7/12/2006 5:49 am

that was simply beautiful, sad, but beautiful.

They say a woman ages like fine wine...

...mine ages like milk!


curious082385 replies on 7/14/2006 5:39 am:
Thank you

angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
7/12/2006 5:52 am

That was absolutetly beautiful. Giving someone your heart is something you shouldn't have to apologize for. It makes me sad to think about it.


curious082385 replies on 7/14/2006 5:40 am:
Very true. I suppose it isn't really the giving of my heart that I'm sorry for...just the fact that I loved too much. If that makes sense...

elysianpleasure 48M

7/12/2006 5:54 am

Very nice.. that captures alot.


curious082385 replies on 7/14/2006 5:40 am:
I like this one too...thank you.

toothysmile 51M
16517 posts
7/12/2006 6:14 am

never apologize for loving someone. my kisses.


curious082385 replies on 7/14/2006 5:40 am:
See above comment to Angel....
Thank you.

marywannado 44F

7/12/2006 11:06 am

We are who we are take it or leave it, nobody's perfect...


curious082385 replies on 7/14/2006 5:41 am:
Nope, no one is perfect. We sure do try with all our hearts though, don't we?

Choozmi 51M

7/12/2006 12:59 pm

It was quite beautiful.

Okay, what happened? Come on, spill it.

(If you can.)


curious082385 replies on 7/14/2006 5:42 am:
Can't you just enjoy this for simply what it is?
Must there always be more?

seek_u_topia 52M

7/12/2006 3:51 pm

bittersweet and true words...and imperfection is reality for all of us. we can only be ourselves and give what we can give in the end.


curious082385 replies on 7/14/2006 5:43 am:
Just a matter of finding our own beauty in those imperfections...

tootsiedippin 54M/54F
1078 posts
7/12/2006 5:50 pm

Gets me to thinking...

In many ways this has captured some of the feeling in me lately. And no, not with Tootsie. Something else going on...

I'm sorry for loving you
But giving you my heart
Was the best that I could do
...

I'm sorry I cant be perfect
Its just the way I am
And to me thats worth it
...

As imperfectly perfect as I'm ever going to be
Take it or leave it
But don't look at me with those shadow eyes
The ones that strike me with such brutal goodbyes

I'm sorry for loving you
But giving you my heart
Was the best I could do


These parts struck at cords that have been so hard for me to define lately. Walking around in a cloud. Its not fair that others are subjected to this mood, this beast that stalks me in shadow. Faceless, ethereal (sp), and irritatingly undefined in my own mind. Is it imagined or...it leaves me restless. And sleep...jezz not that I have any real success at sleeping but this gnawing undefined shadow has taken its tole and it's not fair to those around me.

Dippin


curious082385 replies on 7/14/2006 5:47 am:
Maybe it is the fact that you are trying so hard to find a definition. You will figure it all out when the timing is right.

Lovin_U_4_Fun 55F

7/16/2006 10:46 pm

The concept of loving too much deserves some thought. Can we love too much? I know that it hurts when our love is rejected or rebuffed, but... that's a risk that is taken when we choose to love.

I'm reminded of the famous quote about ships being safe in harbor, but to rest in harbors is not why a ships are built.

What are we built for?

What do you think?

I'll tell you what I think. Those who experience the most cruel moments like those you have recently described, and those who experience other horrible traumas -- those are the ones who are here to be beacons to others. To live through the trauma and come out the other side still loving, still laughing, still rejoicing in the beauty of life!

You're doing it! You are doing it.


curious082385 replies on 7/20/2006 2:35 am:
Yes, I am and more so with every passing day!
This is an incredibly beautiful comment...thank you.
Indeed, to stay sheltered in the harbor...yes, you'll never be rolled by the waves or threatened by storms...but you'll never see the beauty of sunrise over the open sea, or experience the joy of faraway shores. What is the point of having the ability to love if we never use it?

Lovin_U_4_Fun 55F

7/20/2006 11:05 pm

precisely!


curious082385 replies on 7/21/2006 12:02 am:

Become a member to create a blog