Wish things could be different  

rm_cru1972 45M
3520 posts
6/17/2006 11:10 am

Last Read:
2/21/2010 3:08 pm

Wish things could be different


I just came from [blog MRSMUFFLAND]’s blog where she had a wonderful post dedicated to her father entitled I FINALLY CAN SAY I LOVE YOU TO MY FATHER. And it got me thinking about my father and our relationship. I don’t know when it started, but it was not the best. Like most of you know My parents divorced when I was 4. My father was 21, and my mother was 17 when I was born. So I don’t hold any hard feelings for what they did when then divorced. I understand that it was so very difficult, being so young.

Well one day my mother had had enough, and paced us each a small suitcase each, our next stop was the Twin Cities. We stayed with one of my aunts and her husband for a couple of weeks, to this point I did not know what was going on, not having said goodbye to my dad, not knowing if we were on a vacation or, if I was ever going to see him again. I was scared, to say the least. After we left there we ended up in Dallas Tx.

By this time I had an idea that I was never going to see my dad again. Hell I didn’t even talk to him for over a year. When I did actually talk to him I had already had my opinions formed, Why didn’t he come see me, why didn’t he love me anymore, how could he let my mother take me without a fight. All these things I resented him for.

Well about every couple three years I would go live with the other. This went on a couple of times, and when I was 10, my dad asked me an important question, “Where do you WANT to live?” My answer to him was “here with you.” I had realized he did love me, and he had tried to find me the entire time I was gone the first time. And as soon as he would find us, my mom would move somewhere else, the reason we moved so often I did not know. However I found out later it was because my father found out where I was. Well back to issue, my dad went back to court, to get full custody. When we went before the judge, he ended up taking me back to his chamber’s and talked to me individually. He asked me things like “ Do you want to live with your dad?” YES. “Do you know what this means?” YES . “Okay explain it to me.” Well now you all know I had been taking care of myself (for the most part) for the last 6 years. So I explained to the judge exactly what I thought it meant, I said “Judge I WANT to live with my father, because he is always there for me, WHEN I need him, He still lives in the same house as when I was taken away from him.” There were other things that I can not remember, but the judge said to me “ I really don’t know if I(meaning him) could have explained it much better to anyone.” So I walked out of the judges chamber’s knowing I was with someone who loved me. Even though my mother had tried to plot against him the entire time I was with her.

Anyway, fast forward several years of time living with my mom, due to the fact by then I had been in 15 different schools ( all because of moving around) and the one in my hometown 3 times. I wanted to graduate from one place. So I chose to stay with her at my 16th school( see if I would have moved back here my graduating class would have been the biggest in history, a whopping 39 kids). Then came the service. Well I ended up back here after about a year out of the service. My dad and I had tried to get back what we had, when I lived with him the last time I lived with him. But the resentment had come back, we sat down one night and he showed me every bit of paperwork, police reports, court papers, ect. of him trying to find me. He had kept everything , for this situation. I saw he loved, and wanted me.

Now comes present day, I have spoken to him only a couple of times now in the last 3 years. We had a falling out and for that I hold my only regret. But now in the last couple of months, him and my stepmother have said “ We don’t have a grandchild” now every time I think of those words I get tears in my eye’s. Just like now. All because of something I did with the wrong woman. Now I can understand them holding it against me, but I can not forgive them for denying their one and only grandchild. So this father’s day will be really difficult for me. I do not get time with my son, and I can not celebrate with my father. I wish some people could understand like I do, what it’s like to the child. I have accepted my father’s day, I know in my heart that I love my son, and when he sees me he loves me. So I will have a fairly well day tomorrow. But to all of my friends out there have a wonderful Father’s day!!!!


twirly_girl 48F

6/17/2006 3:42 pm

Happy Father's Day.

-Nikki


angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
6/17/2006 4:54 pm

Happy Father's Day sweet Cru! I can't think of a better man than you!!


firestarter665 43M/40F

6/17/2006 6:26 pm

You have yourself a Happy Fathers Day! You deserve to celebrate this glorious day more than any father I know. You are truly a magnificent father.


PassionKisses4Me 45F

6/17/2006 7:10 pm

Happy Father's Day sweetie

Becky

~Becky~


sweetSinn2690
2943 posts
6/17/2006 7:40 pm

Yanno...sometimes adults can just totally complicate matters beyond what they should even be...and they seem to miss the point of what life is all about...it's about love, family, and just enjoying life while we all are here...I know this child is the most important thing in your life...just enjoy him and try not to worry, sometimes it takes longer for people to accept different situations but as long as you have accepted your son that's all that matters so enjoy your very first Father's Day together...you so deserve it cru.
So Happy Father's Day to ya!!!!!!!!!
xoxo
sweetSinn


Oh WHATEVER BITCHES!


catseyes23 62F

6/17/2006 9:14 pm

Life takes on so many turns and twists - some parents do things without a thought for the children in that kind of situation...sad, but true. You seem to have pulled through with flying colours, Cru. Happy Father's Day, my friend.

Cats


mycin62 55F

6/18/2006 5:41 am

Cru, my fondest wish right now, is for you to have a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 5:46 am

Thanks Nic.


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 5:48 am

    Quoting rm_yummmy669:
    I think relationships with family can sometimes be more difficult than any other type of relationship. I wish peace for you.. And let me wish you Happy Father's Day. It is a happy day knowing you have a son.

    yummmy
I do think you are right about family, I am closer to one of my uncles than I am to my dad


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 5:54 am

    Quoting angelofmercy5:
    Happy Father's Day sweet Cru! I can't think of a better man than you!!
Thanks angel


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 5:56 am

    Quoting firestarter665:
    You have yourself a Happy Fathers Day! You deserve to celebrate this glorious day more than any father I know. You are truly a magnificent father.
I will have the best father's day I can, Thank you Fire


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 5:58 am

Thank you Becky, ya know it still feels wierd being wished this LOL


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 6:00 am

Thank you 4


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 6:03 am

    Quoting sweetSinn2690:
    Yanno...sometimes adults can just totally complicate matters beyond what they should even be...and they seem to miss the point of what life is all about...it's about love, family, and just enjoying life while we all are here...I know this child is the most important thing in your life...just enjoy him and try not to worry, sometimes it takes longer for people to accept different situations but as long as you have accepted your son that's all that matters so enjoy your very first Father's Day together...you so deserve it cru.
    So Happy Father's Day to ya!!!!!!!!!
    xoxo
    sweetSinn
You are absolutly right about the complications, and enjoying the time we have. I will enjoy my father's day the best I can


rm_DarknStar 55F
2823 posts
6/18/2006 6:26 am

Happy Fathers Day cru!

*HUGS*


rm_saintlianna 46F
15466 posts
6/18/2006 7:10 am

Happy first "offical" fathers day !!!!! {=}

I love this so much, I bet you do too


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 7:18 am

    Quoting rm_Dysgyzed:
    SweetCru:

    I was actually coming by earlier to wish you HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, because YOU are a great father. Your sensitivity and strength, which charges throughout this post, demonstrate that *perfectly*.
Thank you dear *Glimmer*


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 7:20 am

    Quoting catseyes23:
    Life takes on so many turns and twists - some parents do things without a thought for the children in that kind of situation...sad, but true. You seem to have pulled through with flying colours, Cru. Happy Father's Day, my friend.

    Cats
Very sad my friend, and how true. Thank you Cats


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 7:22 am

    Quoting rm_mzhunyhole:
    Hey..ya got it going on Cru..HAPPIEST FATHERS DAY ..to ya..hun..and many,many more.
Thanks Mzhuny, and I do hope for many more


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 7:23 am

    Quoting mycin62:
    Cru, my fondest wish right now, is for you to have a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!
Thanks Cin and mine to J


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 7:25 am

Thank you Dark, Hugs to you too


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 7:27 am

    Quoting rm_saintlianna:
    Happy first "offical" fathers day !!!!! {=}

    I love this so much, I bet you do too
Thank you Saint. I do love this, VERY much just wishing I could see Dex


TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
6/18/2006 7:28 am

I'm a first time commenter...found you from Elysian's Blog.
You have been through so much....your story really moved me.
Happy Father's Day to you....
Wishing you peace and happiness. You are one of the good men here.


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 7:44 am

    Quoting TheRealThing655:
    I'm a first time commenter...found you from Elysian's Blog.
    You have been through so much....your story really moved me.
    Happy Father's Day to you....
    Wishing you peace and happiness. You are one of the good men here.
Welcome Real, and thank you for the visit, I was brought up to be the best I could be. Thanks for the wish.


saddletrampsk 55F

6/18/2006 8:56 am

Happy Daddy's Day Cru..any man with sperm can be a father but it takes a special man to be a Daddy..


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 9:07 am

    Quoting saddletrampsk:
    Happy Daddy's Day Cru..any man with sperm can be a father but it takes a special man to be a Daddy..
Thanks saddle, you sure can put a different twist on things LOL


SacredStarDance

6/18/2006 7:14 pm

Big warm hugg...
You are a wonderful man

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/19/2006 1:58 am

I'll take that hug, Thank you Mrs. Muff


rm_1sexyroo 57M/57F
333 posts
7/5/2006 4:31 am

Wow , where do you start or end with this. Dude I came to this after reading your post on someone elses blog from a post that was quoted on someone elses blog . Basically its about your "rant" about the things your ex is putting you threw and your lack of funds to fight the fight you know in your heart that you need to. I just read your own personal experience of this whole parenting after divorce thaing. Let me just give you a brief run down of my last 12 years and two divorces. The first ended with me getting arrested in front of my 26 month old daughter and deported from a country. If that wasn't enough it has been 12 years and I have seen her once my parents paid to fly her out for a visit. My ex had me arrested for tresspass silly me I thought I still lived there at the time ...... who knew. So I picked up the pieces of my tattered life re-upped in the Army and carried on as if I were normal. I come home from my 11th tour of duty and get ...yup arrested as I walk off the plane , now keeping in mind this time around I am still in service not like the last time and the military takes a very dim view of "spousal" abuse. My ex had drained all our accounts , traded the family van for a new car and changed teh locks on the townhouse ??? Then went to the cops and told them I "broke in " and threatened her and the kids. The Military police instead of saying to the civies that hey he is out of the country and cou;d possibly have broken into her house , say yup we'll pick him up for questioning , two monthes later I am in lock up with the clothes I was wearing while serving our country?????? Explainin how I flew home to abuse the wife and kids and flew back to Bosnia over nite so the MP"s there wouldn't find me AWOL and then was stupid enough to fly home on the military flight ??? 3 Years and 37000 in legal fees and ya know she never once admitted that she lied , in fact she would call me and say there was no food in the house and like a dumb ass I would rush over with bags of groceries only to get arrested again for trespass because she had called the cops while I was buying her groceries.
There were plenty of times that I didn't think I could last that each and every minute I spent in lock up was my last but some how I found the strength to carry on for the kids to not call her the things that were runnin in my head in front of the kids and ya know it happened one day social services called me up out of the blue ( same office that filed a restraining order against me ) and said how soon can you pick up your kids ???? WTF , it wasn't a sick joke it was for really they gave me the kids they have been with me for 5 years now and well we are one big happy the short version of all this dude is never give up go with your heart you can never be "wrong" when you listen to it. It ain't easy and it ain't pretty but take the high road work towards getting to talk to them if you can't see them but keep in touch with them one day they will come to see the truth and if you are the truth let it shine on.
Oh the little girl that saw her daddy arrested 12 years ago turn 18 on Dec 30 , 2008 and hs decided she wants to go to University in the same town as her Daddy ......... It pays to follow the truth


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
7/6/2006 4:27 pm

    Quoting rm_1sexyroo:
    Wow , where do you start or end with this. Dude I came to this after reading your post on someone elses blog from a post that was quoted on someone elses blog . Basically its about your "rant" about the things your ex is putting you threw and your lack of funds to fight the fight you know in your heart that you need to. I just read your own personal experience of this whole parenting after divorce thaing. Let me just give you a brief run down of my last 12 years and two divorces. The first ended with me getting arrested in front of my 26 month old daughter and deported from a country. If that wasn't enough it has been 12 years and I have seen her once my parents paid to fly her out for a visit. My ex had me arrested for tresspass silly me I thought I still lived there at the time ...... who knew. So I picked up the pieces of my tattered life re-upped in the Army and carried on as if I were normal. I come home from my 11th tour of duty and get ...yup arrested as I walk off the plane , now keeping in mind this time around I am still in service not like the last time and the military takes a very dim view of "spousal" abuse. My ex had drained all our accounts , traded the family van for a new car and changed teh locks on the townhouse ??? Then went to the cops and told them I "broke in " and threatened her and the kids. The Military police instead of saying to the civies that hey he is out of the country and cou;d possibly have broken into her house , say yup we'll pick him up for questioning , two monthes later I am in lock up with the clothes I was wearing while serving our country?????? Explainin how I flew home to abuse the wife and kids and flew back to Bosnia over nite so the MP"s there wouldn't find me AWOL and then was stupid enough to fly home on the military flight ??? 3 Years and 37000 in legal fees and ya know she never once admitted that she lied , in fact she would call me and say there was no food in the house and like a dumb ass I would rush over with bags of groceries only to get arrested again for trespass because she had called the cops while I was buying her groceries.
    There were plenty of times that I didn't think I could last that each and every minute I spent in lock up was my last but some how I found the strength to carry on for the kids to not call her the things that were runnin in my head in front of the kids and ya know it happened one day social services called me up out of the blue ( same office that filed a restraining order against me ) and said how soon can you pick up your kids ???? WTF , it wasn't a sick joke it was for really they gave me the kids they have been with me for 5 years now and well we are one big happy the short version of all this dude is never give up go with your heart you can never be "wrong" when you listen to it. It ain't easy and it ain't pretty but take the high road work towards getting to talk to them if you can't see them but keep in touch with them one day they will come to see the truth and if you are the truth let it shine on.
    Oh the little girl that saw her daddy arrested 12 years ago turn 18 on Dec 30 , 2008 and hs decided she wants to go to University in the same town as her Daddy ......... It pays to follow the truth
Wow roo, thanks for the story, and the visit. I was not married to this woman "Fortunately", but we were in an LTR ( 5 yrs) my son just turned 3 mos, and she does things like let's him get used to me for a couple weeks at her house, THEN BAM you are no longer welcomed... WTF!! then after a week or so, it's like your story I need something so I get it thinking I will get to see my son some more. But NOOOOOO... Well I am doing the things that I think will help my case when I get to see the courts. Things like taping our phone coversations, when she says I will never get to see him and then turning around to say she needs things. I am also keeping track of everything for my son so he knows I was trying to get to be apart of his life from the start. Thank you again for the story of courage, and triumph, it gives me hope


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