ONE THING THAT REALLY SCARES ME  

rm_cru1972 45M
3520 posts
5/2/2006 3:20 am

Last Read:
2/21/2010 5:57 pm

ONE THING THAT REALLY SCARES ME

Okay angelofmercy5 left a comment in my last post, that got me to thinking, and I ended up writing a long answer, before I decided that it is some thing that should have had it’s own post.

You have a chance here Cru to mold this little life. He could be one that makes a difference in this cold world we live in.

I do love the way he looks at me when he is able to focus ( he’s six weeks so kinda hard for him) He looks at me with such trust, it scares the livin bejesus out of me. It scares me that I have to be responsible for another persons life and happiness. It scares me b/c I have been what most people would call a screw-up all my life. Her post finally made me realize I am needing to be a PARENT, something I have never had and don’t know what one is supposed to be like. I am scared shitless. I don’t want that kind of responsibility, for most of the time I can’t even take care of myself, HOW am I supposed to take care of someone as fragile as mini-me. Why do there have to be all these new feelings? I could handle it before, yes I was his dad, but know I need to be SOOOOO much more. I need to be a teacher, a friend, a roll model, a supporter, a confidant, a person he can trust. Sure I have started to get my life on track. BUT… I am so scared of becoming a screw-up again. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always liked a good challenge, BUT this is one that overwhelms me some times, especially when someone makes a comment like what angel did.

This is what HAPPY mini-me looks like


firestarter665 43M/40F

5/2/2006 4:44 am

Cru- It all comes to you! It is a scary thing knowing that you have to teach and mold your children. It is no easy task, but it is a fufilling one. I have faith in you!


mycin62 55F

5/2/2006 5:19 am

Cru, honey, you do what the rest of us did. It's called ON THE JOB TRAINING!!! We all make mistakes, but most of the time we make "rights". You will be amazed at how easy it will come to you and how much you will love this little guy more and more every day for the rest of your life. Parenthood is a blessing, a joy, frustratiing, exasperating and ohhhhh so fulfilling!!! I wouldn't miss a minute of it!! You'll do fine


angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
5/2/2006 5:35 am

Cru....you have a heart of gold....you will do just fine here if you listen with your heart. We all just had on the job training....and we asked questions. And we made mistakes. Here's one of the most important things that I did as a parent. I apologized when I was wrong. When I lost my temper....when I made a wrong decision...when I took it out on my child. I just told them that Mommy was human...and she was wrong.....and that I loved them. It NEVER made me look small in their eyes. And it let them know that they were going to make mistakes.....and I was still going to love them. Don't be afraid to set standards and stick to them! Don't be afraid to have rules......and don't be afraid to bend them once in awhile. Don't be afraid to make sure they know how important school is...whether they like it or not.....and don't be afraid to let them take an occassional "hookey" day just to play with you. Play with mini me.....you're a man Cru all they way....but be a kid too. And don't be afraid to let him see you cry......a strong man knows that its okay to do this once in awhile.


micahbiguns 52M

5/2/2006 5:46 am

As long as your willing to meet the challenge you will do fine, Not that I am saying it will be an easy job,but that you can do it.


HOTNBOTHERED0414 47F

5/2/2006 11:01 am

Darlin you keep postin pics of him and your gonna have all of us bitches in blogland wantin to go out and get pregnant! lol

Just relax and go with the flow. I have 4 teens and they are awsome kids. My two BITCHETTES in training say everyday they want to grow up and be like me, and that makes me smile, cause I think Watch out world!


jadedbabe78 107F

5/2/2006 1:29 pm

Relax and go with the flow. As a parent, we WILL make mistakes. And you know what?? You just learn from it and keep on molding his life. You don't want to be perfect because the mistakes will make him realize you're human, too and it will be that much easier to relate when he gets older.

In the long run, he will appreciate everything you do for him. By just being there, you are already doing a lot.

It's the little things that matter to children, ya know?

~Jadey


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/2/2006 5:04 pm

    Quoting firestarter665:
    Cru- It all comes to you! It is a scary thing knowing that you have to teach and mold your children. It is no easy task, but it is a fufilling one. I have faith in you!
All I know is I AM NOT going to do it like my parents did


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/2/2006 5:07 pm

    Quoting mycin62:
    Cru, honey, you do what the rest of us did. It's called ON THE JOB TRAINING!!! We all make mistakes, but most of the time we make "rights". You will be amazed at how easy it will come to you and how much you will love this little guy more and more every day for the rest of your life. Parenthood is a blessing, a joy, frustratiing, exasperating and ohhhhh so fulfilling!!! I wouldn't miss a minute of it!! You'll do fine
Yeah well at least some of you had a little knowledge of what to do. As far as mistakes go I make BIG ones and that's what scares me. Thanks.


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/2/2006 5:17 pm

    Quoting angelofmercy5:
    Cru....you have a heart of gold....you will do just fine here if you listen with your heart. We all just had on the job training....and we asked questions. And we made mistakes. Here's one of the most important things that I did as a parent. I apologized when I was wrong. When I lost my temper....when I made a wrong decision...when I took it out on my child. I just told them that Mommy was human...and she was wrong.....and that I loved them. It NEVER made me look small in their eyes. And it let them know that they were going to make mistakes.....and I was still going to love them. Don't be afraid to set standards and stick to them! Don't be afraid to have rules......and don't be afraid to bend them once in awhile. Don't be afraid to make sure they know how important school is...whether they like it or not.....and don't be afraid to let them take an occassional "hookey" day just to play with you. Play with mini me.....you're a man Cru all they way....but be a kid too. And don't be afraid to let him see you cry......a strong man knows that its okay to do this once in awhile.
I know what I want to do, and what I should do, I just don't know HOW to. Does that sound messed up or what? Maybe someday I'll have an idea, but for now I'm living on a wing and a prayer.


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/2/2006 5:19 pm

    Quoting micahbiguns:
    As long as your willing to meet the challenge you will do fine, Not that I am saying it will be an easy job,but that you can do it.
I have never let a challenge get the best of me YET, so hopefully I can do it.


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/2/2006 5:22 pm

    Quoting SensuallyKatey:
    hang on to that "scarey"
    cuz that feeling will keep the edge
    you need to be there ....
    it is the "scarey" that keeps you awake to all that
    YOU can and will do...

    oh my holy jeans and purple flippie floppies
    how the children do pull at out heart strings!!
I've got the "scarey" thing down to a science.


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/2/2006 5:25 pm

    Quoting HOTNBOTHERED0414:
    Darlin you keep postin pics of him and your gonna have all of us bitches in blogland wantin to go out and get pregnant! lol

    Just relax and go with the flow. I have 4 teens and they are awsome kids. My two BITCHETTES in training say everyday they want to grow up and be like me, and that makes me smile, cause I think Watch out world!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA insert evil laugh here Damnit now that you know my plan I need to come up with somethin else to get lucky Thanks for the advice.


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/2/2006 5:30 pm

    Quoting jadedbabe78:
    Relax and go with the flow. As a parent, we WILL make mistakes. And you know what?? You just learn from it and keep on molding his life. You don't want to be perfect because the mistakes will make him realize you're human, too and it will be that much easier to relate when he gets older.

    In the long run, he will appreciate everything you do for him. By just being there, you are already doing a lot.

    It's the little things that matter to children, ya know?

    ~Jadey
Thanks Jadey


libgemOH 57M/53F

5/2/2006 6:08 pm

Hun, if it didn't scare the living shit out of you, you'd be scaring the living shit out of me!!! You do have an advantage and that's you are getting your life back together. My kids got the fucked up me!! But strangely enough, they are ok...No kids of their own yet, no major drugs or any arrests and getting decent grades in school. Learn with him, he needs, above all, your humility that you are merely human, not super-dad so he knows he is allowed to make mistakes just like daddy!! -B


twirly_girl 48F

5/2/2006 9:09 pm

You and the little one will be just fine.
And don't knock having had the experiences you've had in the past.
They are what will make you a much more understanding parent.
Maybe a little more frightened too. LOL
The fear will never go away but it won't ruin the fun and happiness you will experience.

Here's my advice.
When you get scared and it makes that pit in your stomach start to turn... just picture what it will be like the first time he ever calls you "daddy" or the first time he will grab your hand and drag you outside to play.

I'm really enjoying the pics.



-Nikki


sassybelle21 33F  
13313 posts
5/3/2006 3:13 am

You can do it x Just believe and you will be able to achieve anything at all.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
5/3/2006 7:59 am

You will love this challenge. You will make it through it, b/c, quite frankly, you have to.


catseyes23 62F

5/3/2006 9:50 am

The only advice I can give is be blessed with that little bundle of joy. You posted on my blog about "Abuse." Sometimes that can often be repeated from parent to child.

I have not done that because I promised myself that if I ever married and had children, I would provide them with more than what I ever had. (Uncontitional love)

It has worked wonders. I believe that you have it in you, Cru.HUGS


Cats...


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/3/2006 3:16 pm

    Quoting libgemOH:
    Hun, if it didn't scare the living shit out of you, you'd be scaring the living shit out of me!!! You do have an advantage and that's you are getting your life back together. My kids got the fucked up me!! But strangely enough, they are ok...No kids of their own yet, no major drugs or any arrests and getting decent grades in school. Learn with him, he needs, above all, your humility that you are merely human, not super-dad so he knows he is allowed to make mistakes just like daddy!! -B
Thanks B. I am lucky to not let him see me the way I used to be. I will never lie to him bout the past if he asks. I'm sure he will teach me as much if not more than I will teach him.


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/3/2006 3:17 pm

    Quoting kittenkisses24:
    well, the primary thing is you love that sweet angel, and you are willing to be in his life. some babies can't say that about their daddy. so what if you screw up now and then, we all do it, we all make mistakes. there is no correct way to be a parent. just love him and be there for him, everything else will come naturally. kk
Thank you kk, what you say makes it a little easier. Thanks for the visit


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/3/2006 3:19 pm

    Quoting twirly_girl:
    You and the little one will be just fine.
    And don't knock having had the experiences you've had in the past.
    They are what will make you a much more understanding parent.
    Maybe a little more frightened too. LOL
    The fear will never go away but it won't ruin the fun and happiness you will experience.

    Here's my advice.
    When you get scared and it makes that pit in your stomach start to turn... just picture what it will be like the first time he ever calls you "daddy" or the first time he will grab your hand and drag you outside to play.

    I'm really enjoying the pics.


Thanks babe, I do think about things like that and it does seem better.


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/3/2006 3:21 pm

    Quoting aascrompn:
    You will love this challenge. You will make it through it, b/c, quite frankly, you have to.
You make a very good point, Thanks alot for your words of encouragement


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/3/2006 3:25 pm

    Quoting catseyes23:
    The only advice I can give is be blessed with that little bundle of joy. You posted on my blog about "Abuse." Sometimes that can often be repeated from parent to child.

    I have not done that because I promised myself that if I ever married and had children, I would provide them with more than what I ever had. (Uncontitional love)

    It has worked wonders. I believe that you have it in you, Cru.HUGS

    Cats...
Hi Cats, you are right about the cycle of abuse continuing from parent to child. I have feared this my whole life, nut I have made a vow to stop the cycle with me and my child years ago. Thank you for your words


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/7/2006 5:56 am

    Quoting sassybelle21:
    You can do it x Just believe and you will be able to achieve anything at all.
This is one that seems to be like it may have a lot of fun times in it


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/10/2006 11:34 am

    Quoting rm_Iwillwait4u2:
    Cru..I don't know you, but you seem a very genuine man, who is in love with his son! And am so glad he's yours! You have the insight to be a good parent, and have learned how NOT to be a parent. Put it to good use, your son is gonna love you, and be soo glad he has a father like you!!!
    I just started reading your blogs today, and wow!~ very nice reading!
Thank you very much for the words of encouragement. And WELCOME. I am hoping I will be the parent I never had.


rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
6/10/2006 7:04 pm

Thanks for the confidence, as far as making it to a teen, Thanks alot I just realized what I put my dad through


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