Getting back on track...  

crazyname67 50M
200 posts
1/5/2006 7:23 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Getting back on track...

Well I did something tonight that I haven't done for a year and a half. I came home from work, had supper and then got in my car and drove downtown to the inner city to visit my homeless friends. I stopped by Timmy Ho's on the way and filled up a couple boxes of hot chocolates and coffees, and loaded up with a couple more boxes of donuts and tons of cream and sugar and then headed out to the place they all like to hangout. It was really really cool to be back again. It brought tears to my eyes as I saw everyone again and they all came over to grab a coffee or cocoa and just to see the joy in their eyes. Many of them thanked me profusely and it made my heart glad to know that I could bring just a little bit of light to their lives. I saw a few of my friends that I haven't talked to for a long time. I used to do this on a regular basis but I've allowed myself to get off the rails in the last couple of years and start only caring about myself. My anger at God and against Christianity has gotten the better of me and I just felt like being rebellious. But I know there's no happiness in being bitter. I feel most happy inside when I'm doing good for others. Today I had a really hard day and wasn't feeling very good inside and couldn't put my finger on why. I decided as one of my resolutions this year that I have to stop being so selfish and get back to what I used to always want to do with my life and that's making the world a better place. I used to live for that with all my heart. I'd spring out of bed each morning, so excited to have an opportunity to do good and make a difference, but gradually over a period of 15 years, I saw my dreams die and I got really angry and bitter. I started feeling liked I missed out on so much in my life. But I've come to realize that the pursuit of sex apart from love is actually empty. It's like porn, you can never get enough, and you'll always want more. And whatever's exciting today will soon become boring and you'll always want some new level of excitement. Tonight I realized that I've been looking in the wrong places for happiness. As I was getting out of my car a prostitute approached me and asked me if I was looking. I smiled at her and thanked her for asking but that i wasn't interested. My heart went out to that girl as I thought about what it must be like for her to walk the streets and deal with people who care only about what she can do for them, and some who may treat her very badly. On my way back I was thinking about the people I met with tonight. And how everyone of them were once little kids, who maybe had a dream for their life. They might have been some of the people who walked the halls of my school with me. People that I brushed shoulders with everyday. But somehow, somewhere in their journey they got off track. Someone turned out the lights behind their eyes. Someone clipped their wings. And many of them got caught up in habits that they thought they had control of, but eventually they took control of them. You know that could so easily happen to any one of us, and it could happen to me. So this is a new year, and I want to have a new beginning. Bitterness will get me no where but on a downward spiral, and I don't want to go there. I want to get back on track.

rm_sj365 56F
2414 posts
1/5/2006 6:17 pm

what a wonderful post!
go you!

crazyname67 50M

1/5/2006 8:22 pm

thx sj365! I'm excited to go back again next week! It's cool cause I've had all sorts of ideas perculating today when I've been thinking about it.

jadedbabe78 107F

1/5/2006 8:29 pm

Wow...that is awesome of you! Getting back on track and realizing your full potential and worth is a great feeling btw. Good luck and may you achieve all you desire.

crazyname67 50M

1/5/2006 9:09 pm

Thx Jaded... you rawk!

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
1/5/2006 11:16 pm

even when one is on track, i've learned that getting run over can happen if you don't keep moving....

one step at a time, it all makes sense...sooner or later...
and yet just when we think we have it all figured out,
life shows us that it creatively can change in a ny minute.

walking the talk will always come back ten fold way or another...that is my truth anyway.

thanks for sharing from your with us too... {=}

i also believe that the only reason we are on this planet
is to serve..and that can look like alot of things.
you know that your spirit knows...and it
sounds like you are listening with both ears and your heart.

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

bardicman 51M

1/6/2006 12:55 am

This is along the lines of my "I love you" post.

Love and compassion.

Keep reaching out Craz.. It will come back to you someday.

I am not dead yet

crazyname67 50M

1/6/2006 7:37 am

I really agree that we're here to serve. Serving gives my life purpose! Thanx for the thoughtful insight Goddess. You seem like a kind and caring person.

crazyname67 50M

1/6/2006 7:49 am

Hey Bard, I checked out your "I love you" post and it really moved me. Thanx for sharing that... You're a good man!

crazyname67 50M

1/8/2006 10:48 pm

Thnx Sexyfit! You're a good friend!

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