A fear of a fear  

complexlysimple 35M
894 posts
7/31/2006 5:49 pm

Last Read:
8/4/2006 3:09 pm

A fear of a fear

Right now I feel like admitting something... when ever I post something I think is going to push boundaries I'm always a bit worried when I sign back in...

It's foolish perhaps but I'm afraid of what I might find ...if anything ..the silence that is left to some posts ... I guess in a way it confirms my thinking that I don't really need to worry about finding someone that wants to really be around me for a life time ..because I won't find someone like that ....

Doesn't really matter though ... my mind is there/here ... and perhaps that's all I really need ...life/death ... neither one really seems to matter unless you wish it too.

..though I am starting to agree that not only is darwin right he is also wrong in a way ....for it doesn't matter just how well an individual lifeform can survive/succeed ...it also matters how much otehrs of the same speices want the individual to succeed/survive ....there need be no overt act against the individual ...just a feeling of being unwelcome and unneeded/unwanted ...the indidvuals body may very well do the rest ...

The ensuing depression..lowering of immunities, lack of desire to feed or care for itself....

Ah well, at least I get to ramble here and have a few people find thigs interesting ... if things never go further ... I won't be surprised.

To tell the truth there always seems to be one reason or another not to want to be with me ..be it someone else, or just lack of interest in me ... I can understand both ..at times I feel the same way about myself ..so why should I expect anyone else to see things differently?

I am what I am, which is neither what I was, nor what I will be ...the same as you... you go your way have your fun be with others ...and I'll do what I do ...and end up alone if that's how things go ..which many times seems as though it will ..for I am what I am and things are what they are

I would apologize for the rambling... but it makes no difference ..and I'm not sorry anyway ...at least not at the moment ...feeling sorry requires feeling ...which I'm not doing right now

cookiequeen1000 54F

7/31/2006 9:11 pm

Its not your time yet. Life is what happens when you're busy making (hoping for) other plans. It never fits your timeline....it happens when it happens. Learn to love yourself and it will come back to you...in spades.

complexlysimple replies on 8/3/2006 5:27 pm:
... well then hopefully it decides to smack me ..hard otherwise it may not get my attention

absolutelynormal 57F
6563 posts
7/31/2006 9:43 pm

Yes you ARE feeling! That's why you are talking about it here, you know this is a safe place and that you will get some support from us. You know that I DO care about you and so do several others here. Don't think that because someone didn't take the time to answser your post that no one here cares, cause we do. Big hug my friend Mac

complexlysimple replies on 8/3/2006 5:26 pm:
thanks Mac... sometimes I just forget things I shouldn't

BaronessK 53F

8/1/2006 4:33 am

The silence, when I do it, is because I would feel foolish prattling on about something that is deeper than I can express at that time; it {your subject and/or you} can be a bit overwhelming at times...but it's not you, it's because {again, for me} that I am able to understand, but around where I am {and who I am around mostly} I am not required to use my intellect.

How does any of what you wrote about confirm that someone would not want to be around you? I have known guys who loved to be around me, but found me a bit overwhelming at times and would pull back {albeit temporarily}. I don't take it personally, in a bad way at least; and I couldn't change it {only tone 'me' down a bit now and then, for a bit}.

Split in the Cosmos? That I can relate to; too many things {998 at last count} zinging around in my brain, and most of it just 'curiousities' to me only, or too esoteric, or too sci-fi, or too geekess...just too much for someone else at times.

I thought Darwin covered that bit of the theory...or maybe I read someone else adding to it; I do recall them adding something to the effect that one can change society but society can change one enough to make them ineffective in changing society...or something like that! I definitely recall some studies about the effect of humor on a person's mental and physical being, as well as how the body can be hurt by itself.

I find everything you say interesting; it's not that I don't {when I don't comment, for some reason}. You should be very surprised if you don't find someone soon; you have a lot of wonderful things about you, including a great personality {and I would add 'flirt' comments about your body, but just reread some previous posts I made! }.

Have you not ever had someone that was interested in you that you were not interested in, for whatever reason{s}; there's a lot of compatible people out there, but there's always going to be those who aren't.

"I am what I am, which is neither what I was, nor what I will be"...but you are always wonderful, unique, intelligent...and a host of other things. The base of a person's personality, the core where their soul is, does not change as the 'other stuff' does about us, ever, to any great degree.

cookiequeen1000 54F

8/3/2006 8:07 pm

Trust me...when its your time, it will be able to knock you down with a feather.

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