A Start  

complexlysimple 35M
894 posts
6/15/2006 4:56 pm

Last Read:
12/16/2006 8:03 pm

A Start

Right now I'm really feeling the need to share more about my life.. there is a reason why the "hell" of fire and brimstone others decribe I find hilarious ...because reality is much worse ... I "grew up" in "hell" ...

My father was apparently an alcoholic before I was born and has bragged more than once that the only time he's gone off the road was because he was reaching back to grab another beer.... I guess he went cold turkey when I was born .. I'm not sure how long it took for him to entirely get over it, but I remember he was an ornery asshole until I was about 8.... my first real memories start when I was 4 ..yes, 4 yrs old when the first of my two brothers was born.... I remember this because until then I was an only child and obviosly got lots of attention, but once he was born ..it pretty much stopped ...from everyone except my great grandmother.... I don't blame anyone really, I realize it was nessecary that my brother got attention because he was born with a large chest that had concerned the doctors ...and I remember sitting in the room as they took X-rays of him. Him crying and screaming, most likely scared out of his wits... I also remember getting jealous because he was getting so much more attention than I was ...I remember trying to hurt him because of that jealousy.

I remember the day that my parents went to my great grandmother's funeral (I think I was 5 or 6 at the time). I remember my parents talking deciding if I should go with or not.... they decided I was too young at the time... I still don't know where she is buried ...though at times I find myself wanting to visit her grave ...the one person that seemed to remember that I needed to be loved too ..... and shown that love......

....while I would like to continue I can't ...not tonight... these memories are just too painful ...

...all the more I can tonight for me hell is a place where no hear's your cries of pain, no cares what happens to you ...for you are nothing... and nothing is what you deserve.... and you are aware of that this is what you are...

PrincessKarma 44F
6188 posts
6/15/2006 9:23 pm

*warm loving hug*

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

complexlysimple replies on 6/16/2006 4:34 am:
Thank you ...

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