On love?  

company_od 44M
95 posts
5/28/2006 1:17 pm
On love?

Well I've decided to share my slant on love with everyone. I may take some flack on this, but I can really only speak for myself anyway. Obviously there is all kind of different levels and types of love. Some bonds we forge are hard to identify and some are very easy. When a parent goes out of their way for their child that is the unconditional love of parent for their child. I would imagine whatever choices or decisions my kids make that if they were in harm's way I would do anything to save them. I mean love can be diminished but as long as love was there can it truly ever go away? Other parts of those familial bonds can be strong or weak based upon how close a family is. Sometimes even those parental bonds may not be supportive. How else can you explain some of those horrific stories about what some unbalanced 'parent' did to their offspring. Anyway I'm sure that most people have some concept of those kind of bonds and I wanted to go into something else. We build other bonds, ones that are crafted between people who meet and establish a rapport with each other. Those bonds become what we let them, they have no true tie unless you are a believer in fate. These bonds can be friend, companion, lover, confidant, spouse, or many other names or connotations. Still there is some feeling there, some spark of emotion and in some way shape or form some caring and that is a form of love. Love is not something that you run out of anyway. We already have familial love, some of us have unconditional love for a child or children, and some have romantic love for another person. If you can make as many friends as you want and it doesn't lessen your ability to make another at another time, If you can have as large a family and add to it with family of your own after more than a decade, then you should be able to have more than one romantic love. My view has been the same on these bonds for a number of years and I would guess that the person who shares them really will understand me. My wife who passed didn't understand or rather maybe she just couldn't fully realize it. She came from difficult upbringing and even though she was loved by everyone she met she couldn't grasp this in full. Whether she could acknowledge it or not isn't my focus. I'm sure that many people remember their 'first'. Ah that special time... What did you think of a first kiss, first crush, first love, first lover... Did you start down that trail or did I lead you? The concept is on the table now. We have things that conjure fond memories. Those past titles may have belonged to one or many depending. when you have another relationship do these feelings magically vanish? No, they stay. I was married twice. My first marriage had alot of difficulties and when it ended things were rather odd. I have no idea where she is today and even though I would never have anything to do with her again there are some moments that I can't help but think fondly of. My particular mindset is that I don't wish anything bad on her. Both of us were young and there are alot of other things to it. This isn't about my past though. When people have a relationship they may want things casual or serious. Casual can be for a time or until something happens or whatever condition comes along to change it. Serious means some type of commitment. Now on this alot of people out there want to be the only person in someone's life or spend all their time with them. Of course in reality this can't be for either one. Family and friends and coworkers each take some of both. Well we can spare some time right? We have to anyway so it isn't a choice. Still we can choose to nt make any other investments of romantic love... to remain monogamous in our relationships. That is fine for someone to choose but if there is trust there, if there are guides - remember that commitment means to put your effort in - then why could you not have other romantic love. Sure some people can claim that they can get physical and not have any attachments but we've already seen about 'firsts' and positive memories. I am afraid those ARE attachments. Can someone be married and have something going on the side successfully? I of course mean in the committed sense. Well I'd say yes. My experience from all this is from a couple that had a successful, wonderful, committed marriage. I have lost track of them over the years but I expect that if things wouldn't have changed for them except for one possibility. You see the husband had cancer. They played to together, they played apart, they always knew what the other had going on and trusted each other completely. They enjoyed sharing stories as well as their lovers. Well to some degree of course. She was bi so he could share her with others and she could share some of hers in return. That left a strong impression on me but I didn't recall where my understanding began until recently. In a strange moment I remembered that time when I took some oddball online test. Now how could In forget until now?!?! Well I never said I was one of those lovers. They were friends and honestly for what happened I never actually went all the way. Chalk it up to more inexperience on my part, my lover count was still in the single finger range, lol. But it certainly impressed itself upon me. So I share it here so maybe someone else may benefit from it. Thanks of course to those two. I hope everything is well.

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