DO I DARE TO BARE IT ALL???????  

clitalicious67 50F
2596 posts
4/29/2006 12:32 pm

Last Read:
5/9/2006 9:47 pm

DO I DARE TO BARE IT ALL???????


This little story always makes me laugh...because I can see myself doing all of this and probably have done some of this if I am gonna be honest...the things we as women suffer to attract the male...ughhhh

SO have a giggle on me!!!

All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. YA THINK!!!*

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north.

After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure I apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my ass cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. Crap!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. Crap. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...................remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. Noo!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina Sealed shut.

Azz?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.

My head may pop off.

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!

God bless the man that convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She

doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.

Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair..................................THE HAIR IS STILLTHERE.......................ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I shaved it off.

Heck, I'm numb at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......


rm_Shortdogg65 52M
672 posts
4/29/2006 4:17 pm

Sounds like I had to be there. How painfully humiliating,and utterly hilarious. Since you decided to share it, allow me to share a similarly painful experience. I am not ashamed to admit to owning a penis pump. I've had it for 12-13 years now and still play with it on occasion. Back a few years ago I was using it while surfing the net. I had gotten interested in one of the sites and lost track of time. When I looked down I discovered a rather large water blister had formed from the vacuum pressure. This may or may not have been a big deal had subsequent pump removal not taken the skin with it. Talk about extreme pain! I couldn't put my shorts on without first bandaging my dick and it was still uncomfortable to move. If I was walking funny for the next 2 weeks nobody said anything. And the bandages did add to my bulge a little.lol Shortdogg


honeycomb1974 45M/44F
282 posts
4/29/2006 6:34 pm

Bless your heart, maybe next time you should leave things like that to the professionals. You could however go out for a stand up comedian, my husband and I are laughing our asses off. Honey and Runt


rm_CuummDrop 50F
2591 posts
4/29/2006 8:46 pm

Umm, Clit... Ummm... OoOoOoO honey (really trying to hide the laughter)... Why didn't you call me?... i would have loved to be there for this moment... in your life .. *gigglin*

Now won't last forever, so use it wisely~c


clitalicious67 50F

4/30/2006 5:38 am

    Quoting honeycomb1974:
    Bless your heart, maybe next time you should leave things like that to the professionals. You could however go out for a stand up comedian, my husband and I are laughing our asses off. Honey and Runt
Yes this is a cleverly written story...however I didn't write it...I just have lived through some of the adventures this poor woman went through...lol and I always laugh til I cry when I read this...never ceases to be funny....


clitalicious67 50F

4/30/2006 5:39 am

    Quoting rm_CuummDrop:
    Umm, Clit... Ummm... OoOoOoO honey (really trying to hide the laughter)... Why didn't you call me?... i would have loved to be there for this moment... in your life .. *gigglin*
Ummmhmmm CD seems to me you have been a witness to a few of my more goofey if not humiliating experiences...(smirk)...hugs C~


clitalicious67 50F

4/30/2006 5:39 am

    Quoting rm_Shortdogg65:
    Sounds like I had to be there. How painfully humiliating,and utterly hilarious. Since you decided to share it, allow me to share a similarly painful experience. I am not ashamed to admit to owning a penis pump. I've had it for 12-13 years now and still play with it on occasion. Back a few years ago I was using it while surfing the net. I had gotten interested in one of the sites and lost track of time. When I looked down I discovered a rather large water blister had formed from the vacuum pressure. This may or may not have been a big deal had subsequent pump removal not taken the skin with it. Talk about extreme pain! I couldn't put my shorts on without first bandaging my dick and it was still uncomfortable to move. If I was walking funny for the next 2 weeks nobody said anything. And the bandages did add to my bulge a little.lol Shortdogg
OUCH!!!!!!!


loadeddice05 45M

4/30/2006 6:28 am

All that and ended up shaving anyways!! LOL!! classic!!


jdocfunguy 51M

4/30/2006 8:21 am

That's a funny story. What's so wrong with just shaving? What about guys? Should they go bald as well?


clitalicious67 50F

4/30/2006 8:59 am

    Quoting loadeddice05:
    All that and ended up shaving anyways!! LOL!! classic!!
Yeah I should always listen to the little voice in my head...anytime something seems like a really good idea...I should just "STEP AWAY FROM THE PACKAGE" LOL


clitalicious67 50F

4/30/2006 9:00 am

    Quoting jdocfunguy:
    That's a funny story. What's so wrong with just shaving? What about guys? Should they go bald as well?
Well I think ultimately it is a personal choice but if not bald then trimmed is a good way to go


Nightguy_1961 56M
4866 posts
4/30/2006 10:07 pm

My lady tried those strips...what a joke. She also tried one of the home kits, the one where you put the jar in the microwave to heat up the wax.....

She gave up and now goes to a professional for a brazilian wax....to heck with do it yourself....

NG61


clitalicious67 50F

5/2/2006 5:13 am

    Quoting fun1968xxx:
    Oh my god!!! I laughed so much I had tears streaming down my face. I'm so sorry to laugh at your adventure, but you did such a great job of describing it. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. There may even have been the tiniest amount of pee involved!

    Better luck next time (note to self, stick with the razor!!!!)
Fun I didn't write that but nearly have experienced ALL that and then some other crazy things that I do...throwing caution to the wind and ignoring the one voice that usually NEVER steers me wrong (my inner voice)...glad you enjoyed...


clitalicious67 50F

5/2/2006 5:13 am

    Quoting Nightguy_1961:
    My lady tried those strips...what a joke. She also tried one of the home kits, the one where you put the jar in the microwave to heat up the wax.....

    She gave up and now goes to a professional for a brazilian wax....to heck with do it yourself....

    NG61
NG not sure I would survive someone goin' Brazilian on me...OMG I bet that hurts!!!!


luvnascar 53F

5/4/2006 9:03 am

clita...omg... thanks for sharing that. I had to get caught up on your blogs. It's a good thing I'm home alone, anyone would think I've gone crazy to hear me laughing the way I was.

Only thing I can think of that's close is remember those pad/mitt thingys that you put on your hand and rub the hair off your legs? I would've been better off using sandpaper I think.

Thank God for the intuition razor - I love it - good for everywhere!


spacecadet561 61M

5/8/2006 6:56 pm

ROFLMAO!!! I'm sorry, I know it can't have been fun, but the way you tell it I laughed so hard I cried.

Sorry all the wax took off was a layer of pride. Good luck with the hair coloring.

Thanks, I needed that.

SpaceCadetรน


Become a member to create a blog