Yes, He Is Seventeen Years Younger....  

clevergirl4U 59F
1461 posts
4/7/2006 12:03 pm

Last Read:
8/17/2013 2:21 am

Yes, He Is Seventeen Years Younger....

About a month ago, I wrote the post "What Is Too Young?" that was inspired, in part, by a man 17 years younger than me. I apparently didn't get a satisfactory answer to the question because the issue remains unresolved for me and is humming in the background of my daily life.

<----------------Not Him...but you get the general idea

I have, in fact, been too embarrassed to bring it up in my Blog. But I really DO know better than to worry what others think of me...it's just that I forget that sometimes. I'd like to know if others have grappled with a similar situation, and I know that any and all responses I get will be as diverse as Blogland itself.

I have been having daily IM conversations with a local 30 year-old man. He is educated, articulate, has an interesting background, and works in an interesting field. We don't have deep, probing, intellectual discussions...for 4 months he just stopped by to say 'hello' and we chatted briefly about the goings-on in our lives. He recently re-located to Louisiana and has not yet made a lot of new friends. I've been in that situation myself, so was happy to give him some company when I could.

Sexual innuendo was NEVER brought into the conversation because I intentionally held him at arm's length. He is 17 years younger than me, and I have always had some kind of undefined boundary as to what was "Too Young"...he definitely lives on the OTHER side of the line I have drawn in the sand!

A month ago, in a frisky moment,after 4 months of conversation, I just hinted at something sexual. The repressed lust took off like a wildfire, on dry brush, in strong winds, in the middle of an oil spill

What I have failed to mention about this man is that IF there were a BoyToy catalogue, he would be on the cover. He is drop dead gorgeous, buff and tanned, has intense blue eyes and a very sexy and disarming smile. I had refused to talk to him via cam MANY times because I suspected what effect he might have on me. When we finally had a cam conversation this week, the sight of him shot sexual electricty through every cell in my body. We have not talked via cam since then. I knew that the sexual intensity would cloud my judgement.

He has asked to meet me for some time now. Today, as on many other days, he offered to help me work clearing debris in the yard. He jokes about working as my "pool boy", even though I have no pool As always, I have refused, and as always, citing the age difference. He assures me it is NOT about sex...that he will just help out around the place. Uh Huh.

What I am finally realizing (yes, as clever as I am, I am occasionally slow on the uptake ) is that although it IS about his age, it is also ALL ABOUT THE SEX for me. Apart from feeling friendly in a neighborly sort of way, what I MOSTLY feel is an incredibly strong sexual attraction that hasn't got one damned thing to with his heart, his mind, or his politics. If I allowed him to come to the farm, it WOULDN'T be for the conversation. THERE...I said it!

If I were 25 and he was 25, this would be a GOOD THING....two kids going at it like bunnies. But when I am 47 and he is 30, I quite frankly feel more like a middle-aged man who collects the boxed sets of "Girls Gone Wild" videos and lusts over teenaged co-eds. Rationally, I KNOW he is an adult in every sense of the word. And I AM a single and unattached woman. But if I am to be honest with myself and him, this is ALL ABOUT SEX for me. He brings out lust personified x 10 in me, and I am not at ALL comfortable with that aspect of myself, IF the object of my lust is 17 years younger than me. Would that I were Demi Moore!?

Maybe I should limit comments to those over 40? Although it is MOSTLY a question of age, it is ALSO a question of pure and unadulterated sexual interest ONLY in a person, and whether or not to act upon it. So...all ages please feel free to enlighten me...


clevergirl4U 59F

4/7/2006 2:10 pm

    Quoting rm_valleyrat4:
    When I was 22-23 I dated a woman for a few months that was 15 1/2 years older than I. It was too big a difference at that time. Ironically it was her and the effects it had on her not I. She couldn't deal with the age difference. Looking back now she did me a favor by ending it. Oh well..... you live, you learn.
Yes, but I've already lived long enough to have learned this lesson!!

Valley, would you get sexually involved with a woman 17 years younger than you? Around 25-ish?


caressmewell 55F

4/7/2006 2:24 pm

Sista..go for it..if it makes you happy and he's happy screw what anyone else thinks. I'd do it in a heartbeat!


DIVISION77 41M
8337 posts
4/7/2006 2:29 pm

Women get so hung up on the age difference, when really it shouldn't be about that at all. As long as the two of you can relate, and both realize it's strictly about sex and are fine with that, there is no reason to get it twisted. If anything you should be happy that a man that young is open to this. Most guys that young are looking for women in their 20's.

I prefer younger women my own age, but women in their mid-30's are usually more mature. Of course I'm not in to NSA's, mainly LTR's.

I think you should go for it, before he changes his mind.

DIV

"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur


clevergirl4U 59F

4/7/2006 4:30 pm

    Quoting caressmewell:
    Sista..go for it..if it makes you happy and he's happy screw what anyone else thinks. I'd do it in a heartbeat!
When I was newly single, I DID do it in a heart beat...in fact, I probably would have ADOPTED said young man, and moved him IN for a few months! I got sexually involved with a man 10 years my junior and it was VERY sweet and wonderful for awhile.

But I have to confess that I have never been able to pull off the "no strings" successfully. The younger man imagined he was in love with me, and I just ended up feeling guilty because I entered the liaison knowing it had no potential for anything more than temporary comfort.
I told him that from the beginning, but I think everyone has a way of hearing only what they want to hear.


swlaman1 66M

4/7/2006 4:31 pm

For you it's sexual (You are sure about that, right?). What is it for him. Is his heart on his sleeve. One thing for sure, love can fuck up really good sex. (Yes, yes I know it can make it better too!)

So you bet your dollar and your take your chances. Oh hell! I'm going to let the pig in me out. Ante up! What have you got to lose?

Before you ask; Would I get sexually involved with a woman 17 years younger than myself? I don't know. It would depend on her I think. Actually I'd probably get all caught up in an intellectual debate with myself. Meanwhile...

I guess I haven't really been much help. Oh well...

...Peace anyway


clevergirl4U 59F

4/7/2006 6:15 pm

    Quoting DIVISION77:
    Women get so hung up on the age difference, when really it shouldn't be about that at all. As long as the two of you can relate, and both realize it's strictly about sex and are fine with that, there is no reason to get it twisted. If anything you should be happy that a man that young is open to this. Most guys that young are looking for women in their 20's.

    I prefer younger women my own age, but women in their mid-30's are usually more mature. Of course I'm not in to NSA's, mainly LTR's.

    I think you should go for it, before he changes his mind.

    DIV
That is SO SWEET!!! Thank you!


TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
4/7/2006 6:16 pm

That's a tough one...sometimes I just say WTF and go for it...but it is true, once you go that route there's no turning back, it changes things, whether for good or bad. You must be a very HOT woman to attract a young stud like that!!! Good luck, keep us posted


clevergirl4U 59F

4/7/2006 6:18 pm

    Quoting swlaman1:
    For you it's sexual (You are sure about that, right?). What is it for him. Is his heart on his sleeve. One thing for sure, love can fuck up really good sex. (Yes, yes I know it can make it better too!)

    So you bet your dollar and your take your chances. Oh hell! I'm going to let the pig in me out. Ante up! What have you got to lose?

    Before you ask; Would I get sexually involved with a woman 17 years younger than myself? I don't know. It would depend on her I think. Actually I'd probably get all caught up in an intellectual debate with myself. Meanwhile...

    I guess I haven't really been much help. Oh well...

    ...Peace anyway
Oh c'mon...no dodge for you Would you or wouldn't you?


swlaman1 66M

4/7/2006 8:09 pm

Okay. Truth or dare is it? I choose truth.

Youngest to date 16 years younger than myself (I called and asked her, just to be sure). But there is no similarity between what you describe and what happened to me. We both had just come out of a LTR and one evening, much to my surprise she just came to me. You can’t say what we had was a sexual relationship. We probably have had sex three times since then and that was six years ago. We are great friends still. But I had no worries about anything getting serious, she is gay.

Next is 13 years younger than me and I have no explanation for this one. We are best friends and somehow manage to have sex and it doesn’t screw up anything. I don’t know how this works. Maybe it’s because sex is not the basis of our friendship, maybe it’s because it’s so infrequent. Twice a year max. Sometimes more than a year. Last time was the week after hurricane Rita.

But the big question is...Can I see my balding, wrinkled self walking proudly into the company Christmas party with a 35 year old 10 on my arm? No. Do I see us going dancing, to the movies, or shopping for groceries? No.

Could I have a one night stand with her? Well you know what happens when the little head starts thinking. However, I’m sure that her uncontrollable hysterical laughter upon seeing me naked would cause me to have some serious performance anxiety issues.

Okay, that’s me. Here’s what you describe.

Picture a 30 year old male with a brain, looks to die for and a body to match. He can have his pick of twenty-something bimbos on any night at any bar. He meets a very attractive older woman, also with a brain. She is the most interesting and intelligent woman he has ever met. He is stunned.

The only danger I see here is that it may become more to him than just sex. What I hear you saying is that you would not be comfortable with that. That as they say is the rub.

So my official, final answer, is...if you are sure it’s just lust go for it! I would!

Clever, I TRY to be brief, but you don’t ask easy questions.

Peace.


rm_4wolfsr 59M

4/7/2006 8:55 pm

WHile it might be flattering to have a woman 17 years younger throw herslef at me, I don't think I would do it. Once upon a time, yes. But I've learned that there are not too many 30 yr olds that have the life experience and maturity to seperate the physical relationship from the emotional side of things. I doubt that many would have the same relationship goals as well. Just speaking form a couple of experiences that didn't end too well. In one case I was 12 years older, in the other I was 10 years younger. For me it works best with in a 5-7 years range older or younger. Unless they are disgustingly rich $$, then I might make an exception


randy3218 63M
1 post
4/7/2006 10:52 pm

I have to say go for it. If it feels good do it. If it feels real good do it twice. Age is but a number. It's the personality of the person, the compatabilty and the compassion between the two of you that will make or break the relationship. I was married to a woman 14 years younger than I for 9 years. I was 38 and she was 24 when we got married. We had a great relationship and all was good until after the children were born. She wasn't ready to settle down and be a parent. Her prioriy was in a bar and continuing to do drugs. Needless to say we are divorced. It's been six years since the breakup and I have custody of the children. Would I have another relationship with a person younger than I? In a heartbeat if the attraction was there!
Good luck,
Randy


JustaSeeker 107F

4/8/2006 12:17 am

I had this exact same experience...really...we're just a few years younger...otherwise, it's freaking eerie to see you write about it. Ordinarily I wouldn't even admit this- only one person besides us knows about it. Lately he's been approaching me again, and he seems rather determined, but I ended it last time because I was worried about the future, and I don't see how that concern could have changed...but on the other hand I had no problem whatsoever with the rest of it. I didn't feel dirty in the slightest, except maybe in a quite delicious way.

To add one thing to that: He does have the attributes that I would look for on the open market, so he is someone who would always interest me for more than just sex.


swlaman1 66M

4/8/2006 12:44 pm

So far we have clever, Justa, and longhair. MY GOD there are THREE men smart enough to be attracted to interesting and intelligent women. Who would have ever thought. One, yes. Two, maybe. But THREE! It boggles the mind. Too bad they are so damn young.

Come on! It’s life. It’s meant for mistakes. The only ones I regret are the ones I didn’t make. In the immortal words of Walt Kelly, “It ain’t no how permanent”.

Peace.


clevergirl4U 59F

4/8/2006 1:01 pm

    Quoting longhairednikki:
    Oh MY! Can I copy and paste this post to my blog with just a few minor changes?????
    I can't believe how close this is to my own story.
    Like you, I have been communicating with someone from here for several months. What started out as just friendly banter suddenly [in a frisky moment] turned very flirtatious. It was all just in good fun and I never thought [or expected] it to go anywhere.
    The direction of our daily online chats changed with our first phone conversation. The mutual attraction has become so strong that, in spite of the age difference, we have been planning on getting together.
    Although I do have some insecurities popping up, I am so looking forward to our meeting.
    But then I'm not as big a cradle robber as you - LOL. My guy is only16 years younger than me.

    You're as young as you feel and right now I'm feeling like a damn teenybopper.
I really am happy for you! You may even find that the attraction is more than sexual and give each other all KINDS of happiness and pleasure.


HBowt2 60F

4/8/2006 1:46 pm

But young meat is sooooooooooooo tasty....lol....if you want it ...go for it....we only go around this way once....


clevergirl4U 59F

4/8/2006 2:16 pm

You are so funny...

Had a young lover in the past...problem IS that it is NEVER without complications for ME, anyway...now, if I could only stop thinking


clevergirl4U 59F

4/8/2006 2:28 pm

    Quoting swlaman1:
    Okay. Truth or dare is it? I choose truth.

    Youngest to date 16 years younger than myself (I called and asked her, just to be sure). But there is no similarity between what you describe and what happened to me. We both had just come out of a LTR and one evening, much to my surprise she just came to me. You can’t say what we had was a sexual relationship. We probably have had sex three times since then and that was six years ago. We are great friends still. But I had no worries about anything getting serious, she is gay.

    Next is 13 years younger than me and I have no explanation for this one. We are best friends and somehow manage to have sex and it doesn’t screw up anything. I don’t know how this works. Maybe it’s because sex is not the basis of our friendship, maybe it’s because it’s so infrequent. Twice a year max. Sometimes more than a year. Last time was the week after hurricane Rita.

    But the big question is...Can I see my balding, wrinkled self walking proudly into the company Christmas party with a 35 year old 10 on my arm? No. Do I see us going dancing, to the movies, or shopping for groceries? No.

    Could I have a one night stand with her? Well you know what happens when the little head starts thinking. However, I’m sure that her uncontrollable hysterical laughter upon seeing me naked would cause me to have some serious performance anxiety issues.

    Okay, that’s me. Here’s what you describe.

    Picture a 30 year old male with a brain, looks to die for and a body to match. He can have his pick of twenty-something bimbos on any night at any bar. He meets a very attractive older woman, also with a brain. She is the most interesting and intelligent woman he has ever met. He is stunned.

    The only danger I see here is that it may become more to him than just sex. What I hear you saying is that you would not be comfortable with that. That as they say is the rub.

    So my official, final answer, is...if you are sure it’s just lust go for it! I would!

    Clever, I TRY to be brief, but you don’t ask easy questions.

    Peace.
I have decided that brevity is not all that it is cracked up to be, so feel free to write away!

As I've said elsewhere, I have NEVER been able to pull off a "no strings" relationship. At this age, do I really one to make this one of my goals? And do I really want to keep secrets? Maybe this is similar to the married man? I DID have an affair with a married man...and ONE of the reasons I ended it was because it was so secretive.


rm_DrGswirls 61M

4/8/2006 3:41 pm

You need to indulge this 30 y/o. He is old enough to choose. If age is and issue he will bring it up. Some men are reserved and need an experienced lover. If this guy is as good looking as you say he is you should go for it. From what I can tell - you seem to put a lot of emotional energy into your writing on this blog. Maybe you should direct it towards your physical need for love.Take a chance - don't read, overanalyze or think about it too much. Sometimes you just have to go for it if it feels right!I agree with breathless61. Embrace it and enjoy every second - because it goes away too fast.


keithcancook 61M
18125 posts
4/8/2006 3:53 pm

I would not try and develop a relationship with someone so far removed in age. I feel more comfortable with folks who experienced the same decades that I did.


clevergirl4U 59F

4/8/2006 4:29 pm

    Quoting rm_breathless61:
    Clever,

    Add my name to the list of older women who find themselves attracted to younger men, and then answer one question for me:

    Do you catch yourself smiling whenever you talk to him, or even think about him?

    If you answered yes, then it's too late Girlfriend. You've already made your decision. I hope that's the case, because life is too short to be careful. Embrace it and enjoy every second.
OMG...have I NOW joined the ranks of women who lust after "sweet young thangs!?"

I'm both flattered and mystified by his attention, so yes, his flirtation makes me smile. I think that only a woman dead from the waist down would not be sexually aroused by the attentions of a beautiful young man. Whether I ACT on this has yet to be decided.
I think I entered my "look before you leap" phase with regards to men a couple of years ago.


clevergirl4U 59F

4/8/2006 6:36 pm

    Quoting rm_mzhunyhole:
    I can't..I'm too chicken..but I say follow your heart sista...ya just live once.Especially if he looks like that pic...lol.
He looks as GOOD as the picture, but I am, of course, protecting his privacy.

I've been single for a LONG time, mzhuny....over 10 years. In those early years I did "go for it"...maybe now I have new ieas about what I am looking for?


clevergirl4U 59F

4/9/2006 2:48 pm

    Quoting keithcancook:
    I would not try and develop a relationship with someone so far removed in age. I feel more comfortable with folks who experienced the same decades that I did.
That has been my thinking for the past few years. So...I guess this means I am going to have to arm wrestle [blog 1hotwahine] for your affections?


clevergirl4U 59F

4/9/2006 2:51 pm

    Quoting rm_sexyfitwoman:
    I love your writing and how you express yourself.

    I think what I'm most concerned about with younger men is being rejected because of age. Face it, 17 years does a lot to peaches and cream complexions. Having said that, if sparks fly, go for it.
Thanks!

And you hit another nail right on the head...


clevergirl4U 59F

4/9/2006 5:17 pm

    Quoting rm_DrGswirls:
    You need to indulge this 30 y/o. He is old enough to choose. If age is and issue he will bring it up. Some men are reserved and need an experienced lover. If this guy is as good looking as you say he is you should go for it. From what I can tell - you seem to put a lot of emotional energy into your writing on this blog. Maybe you should direct it towards your physical need for love.Take a chance - don't read, overanalyze or think about it too much. Sometimes you just have to go for it if it feels right!I agree with breathless61. Embrace it and enjoy every second - because it goes away too fast.
Hello and welcome!

Yes, I DO expend a lot of energy on my Blog...some intellectual, some emotional. I find writing/blogging very cathartic. We are all wired differently, and as goofy as those "Personality Types" on our profiles may seem to be, mine is pretty much on target

I've had a profile on the site for 3 years, turned off and on. During that time I had 2 rather significant monogamous (for me)relationships with men from AdultFriendFinder, each lasting for approximately a year. The last ended just before Katrina. I am in a phase of re-thinking and reflecting over choices I have made in my life. I think that it is part of "disaster recovery"


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
4/11/2006 12:19 am

Oh for cryin' out loud - GET OVER IT, lmao. I know - I did the same thing awhile back. Exactly what you did. When you get a chance, go read this:
Younger Men and Older Women
and especially the responses from the men.

I still smile, just thinking about it.

There, see?

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


clevergirl4U 59F

4/11/2006 6:51 am

    Quoting rm_1hotwahine:
    Oh for cryin' out loud - GET OVER IT, lmao. I know - I did the same thing awhile back. Exactly what you did. When you get a chance, go read this:
    Younger Men and Older Women
    and especially the responses from the men.

    I still smile, just thinking about it.

    There, see?
I went over and read it...so I guess if you are still smiling you did it...him


clevergirl4U 59F

4/11/2006 6:59 am

    Quoting humboldthonni:
    Good post and thought provoking. I have had some dilemmas like this. It brought up a lot of fears and anxiety about my age and looks and inevitably the differences in generations became too much.

    But one of my girlfriends who is 60 has been dating a man 30 years younger. He makes her happy. She makes him feel secure. Who knows how long it will last but I dont hear her complaining too much. Everyone is different.
Thank you for "the everyone is different." The concensus on the post is that I should "go for it," but try as I can, I'm just not comfortable with it. I have already been with a much younger man...it had a very sad ending. But I really do enjoy reading everyone's ideas on this...it must be a pretty relevant issue, because both of my posts on the younger man/older woman have elicited the most response.


clevergirl4U 59F

4/11/2006 7:03 am

    Quoting rm_4wolfsr:
    WHile it might be flattering to have a woman 17 years younger throw herslef at me, I don't think I would do it. Once upon a time, yes. But I've learned that there are not too many 30 yr olds that have the life experience and maturity to seperate the physical relationship from the emotional side of things. I doubt that many would have the same relationship goals as well. Just speaking form a couple of experiences that didn't end too well. In one case I was 12 years older, in the other I was 10 years younger. For me it works best with in a 5-7 years range older or younger. Unless they are disgustingly rich $$, then I might make an exception
Hey Wolf...FINALLY...your photo!

I think that's what influences my decision most...past experiences that ended sadly.


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
4/11/2006 12:22 pm

I think the bottom line is that the older woman/younger man thing is wonderful if the timing is right. And for me, it came at a time in my life which was perfect for it. I needed something with a lightness to it, something that didn't have to be forever, where we both understood that it was a moment in time.

That way I could just dive into the biology of it (which is PEFECT, btw - YM/OW tend to match quite well, sexually) and creating something very special, yet I knew would be something of a "moment in time."

For me, it served to send me off into the next phase of my life.

However, it doesn't sound like that's where you are, so by all means, respect that. Apologies if I sounded too flip in my first comment, btw.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


clevergirl4U 59F

4/11/2006 12:39 pm

    Quoting rm_1hotwahine:
    I think the bottom line is that the older woman/younger man thing is wonderful if the timing is right. And for me, it came at a time in my life which was perfect for it. I needed something with a lightness to it, something that didn't have to be forever, where we both understood that it was a moment in time.

    That way I could just dive into the biology of it (which is PEFECT, btw - YM/OW tend to match quite well, sexually) and creating something very special, yet I knew would be something of a "moment in time."

    For me, it served to send me off into the next phase of my life.

    However, it doesn't sound like that's where you are, so by all means, respect that. Apologies if I sounded too flip in my first comment, btw.
None needed

I had an affair with a young men and yes...the biology was wonderful! And although I was very clear about my expectations, he fell in love and got his heart broken. It made me feel like a bit of a shit...that is usually a man's job and I didn't like the feeling.


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