Sterile Sex  

clevergirl4U 59F
1461 posts
2/26/2006 12:35 am

Last Read:
6/5/2006 4:00 pm

Sterile Sex

My profile has been off and on AdultFriendFinder for about three years. During those 3 years I had two "exclusive attachments", and I "retired" my profile while involved. I met both men on this site.

Before AdultFriendFinder, I called what I did "dating." (I'd been divorced 8 years.)Rules and expectations were fuzzy and it wasn't working very well for me.

In my mid-40's, I didn't want to be married, but I wanted to have a close, comforting relationship with a man that included sexual intimacy of the very best kind (between mature, relaxed and happy people.)

If nothing else, this site has made me think about me in terms of relationships and what I HONESTLY want and need at this point in my life. I have stumbled and changed direction more than once. I began my adventure here wanting NO emotional attachments...a very sterile, controlled situation, with the "rules" clearly defined and understood by both. Friendship, yes... but NO complicated emotions to muddy up my orderly emotional life. After dating men my age who were bent on re-marrying, I thought that an arrangement, strictly controlled by the conditions that I imposed, was the only way to get what I wanted. But what I EXPERIENCED is that when I spent time with a man...intellectually, emotionally and sexually...sterility flies out the window. Emotions like jealousy, possessiveness, and the need to compete and win, surface.

My question for today:

Have you ever been able to successfuly sustain an intense sexual relationship, OVER TIME, with a "friend"?

Yours and forever curious,

Clever


campfirecozy 68M

2/26/2006 3:47 am

clever,
I doubt that there is an answer to this that will make sense to everyone...we are all different emotionally and perhaps even more different when your emotions meet the emotions of someone else.

For a lot of men, you are right...'just show up and he is Mr. Ready. It is a far greater challenge to talk with someone, early in a friendship, about what your emotional and/or sexual needs are, but that is essentially what is needed to make sure that both people are on the same page. Develop some sort of language between the two of you that is non-threatening...some, here on AdultFriendFinder, have suggested defining a red, yellow, green scheme where each of those colors mean something that might otherwise get confused with highly charged emotional words associated with society's traditional relationships.

I'd be interested in hearing more from others,
Cozy


elysianpleasure 48M

2/26/2006 7:22 am

Welcome to the blogs. I seek the emmotional and the physical attachment which is different than saying I want a marriage. For me it is not possible to have the relationship I am looking for without the connection. Could you have just sex... and not care at all for the person as a fellow human being beyond that. I am sure... but not me. Hey, and I did get that man dig!!! Yup, checked... I am a man. A strong, masculine one at that. Elysian


rm_LaGuy1958 59M

2/26/2006 7:41 pm

Maybe some guys can enjoy sex without an emotional attachment; there are a lot of different kinds of people out there. Personally, I can't get into sex unless I both know and trust my partner. Frankly, I'd rather stay and grow and bond with one person, but maybe that just makes me an exception. Who knows?


clevergirl4U 59F

3/1/2006 7:17 pm

Hi Campfire,

Ain't THAT the truth...an emotional life intersecting with an emotional life! As sterile as some of us may WANT these "liasons" to be, I have yet to figure out how to be intensely passionate with man, then blow him off like lint on my suit....


clevergirl4U 59F

3/1/2006 8:11 pm

Elysian,

Give me a break I am in the basement...it was my first blog. But WELCOME!!!WELCOME!!!

Many, if not MOST of us, are not in any rush towards the altar. We are trying to figure out how to have some kind of meaningful relationship that includes most lovely sex and friendship minus any promise for the future. There are no templates. We do not necessarily embrace the values of my free-love generation.

A reluctant and confused pioneer,

Clever


oldman1776 79M
3164 posts
6/5/2006 9:08 am

I am an old romantic and I don't think that I could have just a sex and friend relationship.


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