Are we all too selfish?  

cindi1977 41F
132 posts
7/31/2006 3:55 am

Last Read:
8/19/2006 12:09 pm

Are we all too selfish?


I'm in the "getting to know better" (online) phase with several people I've met on this site. I haven't said "Let's chat 'til we know each other better and then lets meet" to them but that's my intention.

None of them were online whilst I was on so paged a few interesting looking members who were online. After the third page was ignored I gave up.

The experience made me reflect on my own behaviour - I'm often bombarded with guys and couples who want to chat when I'm on IMC here and, unless they look very interesting, I usually don't accept (thinking of myself).

So, I accepted the next page that came up. It was a guy looking for cyber. I made a few suggestions and acted out a role. He said he enjoyed himself.

My thought for the day is, how much do you respect your chat partner's needs on here? Spread a little happiness every day!

I still reserve the right to ignore/decline chat requests though. But I might be more receptive.

ColB74 43M

7/31/2006 5:51 am

Someone thinging about others on AdultFriendFinder?! GET OFF THIS SITE! lol. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have paged people who look interesting, even if they are so far away that a meet is not on the cards, just to have a chat. But, like yourself, sometimes I seem to wait forever for my page to be accepted or declined. I'm not immature enough to be offended if someone declines me, better that than to be ignored.

I'd love to see AdultFriendFinder introduce a 'short message' option on IM so that users would have the ability to say "thanks, but no thanks", it would be so much nicer than 'Decline'.

I firmly believe that if other members started thinking before acting then AdultFriendFinder would become a much more social place to be.

There will, however, still be the members that do not deserve any respect...or let out of the institute!


cindi1977 41F

7/31/2006 9:23 am

Col, I agree. In my new, less selfish mindset, I found myself being tempted to accept a page so that I could say something like "nice of you to get in touch, but not now - maybe some other time?

Sometimes I've tried to chat with others a long way away - and being declined is, I guess, a classic example of selfish thinking.

Checking out other female members' profiles, I often see "no married/attached" - personally don't see any harm in chatting with a married guy. I do it at work after all and I don't feel as though I am anwhere close to a situation where I'm enouraging them to cheat on their partners.

Come to think of it, "cheating" is a very perjorative term - surely someone in a loveless marriage is cheating themselves? Probably a subject for another topic.

One of the great things about this site is that we're all grown-ups in an environment where it's ok to talk openly about sex. Doesn't mean that's all we're allowed to talk about though.


ColB74 43M

7/31/2006 11:46 am

I would create my own blog and delve into the "cheating" topic if I thought anyone would read it.

I guess in my situation the only person not being cheated would be the third party, unless you can shed some light on an area that I am missing?

When other members put "no married/attached" in their profile it generally means even if they are asking for a casual relationship they are secretly hoping that something more will blossom. I tend not to contravene their preferences. There are occasions though where someone sticks out as exceptionally interesting so I spend a little while writing an email for them to totally ignore.

If only there were a few more people that would happily accept talking about things other than sex. I am in no way a prude but I don't really enjoy talking about sex with someone I no nothing about, in much the same way as I would find it difficult to sleep with someone I don't know. The last, and only, one night stand I had was at the tender age of 18 when sex really was the only important thing in my life. Now, I look forward to the company of an intelligent woman over a nice meal and bottle of wine. Is that age or maturity?

Fear not though! The pics in my profile are all current and reflect that I'm not at the 'pipe and slippers' stage yet!


cindi1977 41F

7/31/2006 12:57 pm

Col you'll have to explain what you mean about the third party not being cheated.

Just been replying to emails and I recognised the need for some more quick reply options:

"Sorry you're inappropriately lewd"

"Sorry you're just too superficial"

"I don't correspond with illiterates"

Perhaps not!


ColB74 43M

7/31/2006 1:33 pm

You are right about the quick replies lol. The few times that I have used them I have chosed the one that least suits based on what they have written and what their profile says...just to amuse myself as only the rude and ignorant get a quick reply from me.

When I mentioned the third party I was referring to them being the only one that is privy to everything i.e. they know where they stand and will invariably call the shots. I will be cheating myself by not getting my life in order and being able to have a full and uninterupted relationship. My wife is being cheated on by me, but I can only assume she will not be bothered as she plays no part in my life anyway. Therefore, the third party is not being cheated...or am I being naive?


cindi1977 41F

7/31/2006 2:57 pm

As I'm only allowed 10 mails a day I feel it's better to send a quick reply than to ignore someone altogether.

Third party - I thought that was what you meant - my point earlier was that being in a dysfunctional, limiting relationship is to deny one's potential and fulfillment. Life's too short, etc. Denial is a double-edged sword.

I know some women feel a sense of duty and rationalise that if the kids are nicely turned out, your shirts are always crisply ironed and you get your favourite meals served up when you arrive home from work then that compensates for a lack of passion in the sack. But I wasn't brought up to be a dutiful wife. Lol


ColB74 43M

7/31/2006 3:25 pm

Dutiful wife would probably come under housemaid in the Oxford Dictionary. They can be hired. Companionship is far more: sharing interests, trying to make your partners life more enjoyable and fulfilling and spending quality time together.

No kids though, just my Siberian Husky.


cindi1977 41F

7/31/2006 5:36 pm

Well, so much for the new mindset. I didn't get a single page tonight. Not one.

I chatted to 2 girls on MSN - one excused herself because another conversation was "getting interesting" and the other was pretty obnoxious and she gave me a hard time because I was cautious about sending her(?) dirty pics. Remind me not to chat to girls in the Sappho Room.

I saw a regular chat buddy on IMC and paged her (using her real name) and she declined me. Bitch. Mercury is seriously retrograde and it's pissing me off! Grrr. Is that what happens to you guys?


ColB74 43M

8/1/2006 12:09 am

It is mildly amusing to see that you girls don't even treat each other any better.

You were obviously logged onto IM well after my bedtime otherwise I would have risked being declined for a chat. Your intro of "Boys look elsewhere" is likely to reduce your potential for chat by at least 75% though.


cindi1977 41F

8/4/2006 3:05 pm

Been meaning to comment on your post for a few days Col and not got round to it.

I think the girls here are no different to anywhere else - AdultFriendFinder represents society in microcosm. Just as there are people you wouldn't want to sit next to on the tube, and people who queue jump at the post office, they're all here too.


ColB74 43M

8/11/2006 3:40 pm

I guess you're right but I do believe that the anonymity of this site does bring out the darker side in people.


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