ignorance of the tongue  

charmedlulu 61F
78 posts
6/9/2006 7:20 am

Last Read:
6/10/2006 11:10 am

ignorance of the tongue


How different the world would be if we all had positive self images. If every negative word that fell on us led to a brain that knew each of us is a wonderful, capable, unique and entirely acceptable desirable person just as we are. I struggled all my life with images others placed upon me…it bothered me, that friends, acquaintances, peers…could shrug off all the negative comments thrown at them, but I couldn’t. I took things to heart…I suffered because of those negative comments. Those comments became my slate of life so to speak, as why I am who I am today. In my youth, I was chubby…not horribly obese, but not thin either…as a formidable teen, I had a teacher who nicknamed me “Waba”, it was short for Water Buffalo…I use to go home from school, and cry…so fearful that it would be a name I would live with all my life…then came my high school years…I was everyone’s friend…the Ann Landers to many relationships, but I didn’t get many dates…I was not your perfect cheerleading type. I went to my Junior Prom, only because I worked the concession stand to be there. Anyway, time moved on…and after graduation, some health issues started for me, which led to an initial weight loss for me, and then I just got this drive because of the attention, to loose more weight. Suddenly life changed…but although I had changed physically, I was still me…I didn’t date anyone from my past…actually almost intentionally looked for companions who had no knowledge of me from my past. My first high school class reunion was a nightmare for me…I felt like a million dollars, looked better than I had ever looked, and was knocked with comments like “You haven’t changed a bit”. Believe me, forty pounds made a difference! I became a fanatic…until I ended up in a doctors office, making a pact with him, that I would call him, if I lost two more pounds, and subsequently be hospitalized…I had become the bulimic, the anorexic…I was now wavering in below 100 lbs, and never once did I feel thin. I was lucky…it scared me enough to change what was happening. Something finally clicked in my head that said…enough is enough… I began to look not at my physical imperfections, but I instead began to nurture my emotional ones. I have never really felt beautiful…because no one saw the person inside of me…I struggled to belong, and always felt different. I am different…I am unique…and my beauty lies within me… It took me a long time to understand that…but it is what is in my heart and my soul that I want others to see. Oh I enjoy looking my best…but I am not a fanatic about it anymore. Everything has a time and a place, and I don’t care if I look like I am going out on the town if I am working in my garden, or laying pool side…and I know longer care about a date for the sake of a date, if someone cannot see below the frosting of the cake!

BlogginKat 44M
20 posts
6/9/2006 9:11 am

It may hurt, dealing with doubt and ridicule. Especially as a child. I had very similar feelings growing up. Hardcore wall-flower. Everyone's friend and no one's lover. Very easily hurt by others word's.

Relationships in high school are over rated anyway, leading to loss of virginity to some jerk who didn't know any better than to brag about it to all his friends, instead of cherishing what a beautiful milestone they have crossed. Not to mention pregnancy with said jerk. (not always the case, but how many high school sweethearts are still together)

Weight is an issue for our entire country, not just you. Look like a super-model or Hollywood Actress and eat at the 'Super-Filler Buffet King' or 'Fried and Sugared Bread Place- Fresh and Hot Now'.

Some weight is a good thing. Say you get the flu and can't eat because you can't keep food down. In this case, I would rather have a 15lb. reserve than already be emaciated and mal-nourished.

Besides, only the last half a century has promoted the rail thin feminine frame. For eons, attraction was based on a very different Ideal Beauty. Voluptuousness was common reality and recognized as the standard and a sign of prosperity. Not obesity, but a softening roundness. Check out the female figures painted by classic artists. Very few size 2's with 38DD and bleach blond hair!

So, beautiful snowflake, it sounds as though you made it through the storm, comfortable now in your own form, inside and out. And just to be a lech and complimentary in the same breath, looking at your photo and reading your words, I wouldn't mind getting comfortable inside and out of your form as well... -grin-

Don't ever despair, there are people out there that have felt the same, and when they taste the cake, maybe it will make the whole dish a little sweeter. Maybe the frosting won't matter at all.

BK


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