Parenting  

charmedlulu 61F
78 posts
5/23/2006 6:25 pm

Last Read:
7/13/2006 6:34 pm

Parenting


Well, it was opening day of the auto racing for us, over the weekend. Although, the races finally got called about two and a half hours after sitting in the stands, because of intermittent rain, and just no more ability to dry the track and have a safe race. My son is a driver, he was named “rookie of the year” for his division last year…I was so proud of him…but I am always very proud of my young man. I am a single parent…it has been truly difficult at times, but you know, I wouldn’t change a thing now. When I found out I was pregnant…his father and I had the normal conversation, the “what do we do now” conversation. I didn’t want to get married, although it was offered…my vision was different…I wanted to be married because we were deeply in love with each other, hence I declined the proposal with a condition…my words were that simply after the baby was born…and if we were together then and only then would I marry…I didn’t want to be married just for sake of a child…and I didn’t want to be haunted by arguments centered around entrapment. Anyway, as my pregnancy went on, he became engaged to someone else, and moved away…although we still communicated, and he was kind to me…for the most part, I knew I was going it alone. My son was born prematurely, and whisked away to a neonatal intensive care unit in Green Bay…I made the call, to tell the father about the birth…I remember his words “I’m not ready for this yet”. Lucky we were on the phone, and not near each other, my initial reaction was to strangle him. Anyway, he had his fiancée, and he had not yet told her about me…and the impending birth of our child. Now, he had to lay it all on her… About a week passed, I was consumed with illness myself, and trying to make the daily drive to Green Bay to be with my son, I didn’t know at that point if he would make it or not…so my emotions were pretty fragile, I hadn’t heard from Joe (the father) so I called him. He told me things were not good for him…and informed me that his fiancée had threatened to commit suicide. The “news” was more than she could handle. I was again wild with emotion…and I told him, maybe he shouldn’t have hid this all these months, and then perhaps it wouldn’t have been like a loaded gun…and I also told him, he should have a great marriage, as she is already threatening suicide… stability indeed is not her forte. Well at that point…I found out that he decided to deny paternity…so now a legal battle began, that would last nearly two years. Because of my son’s health, we had to wait for six months to run the paternity tests. That was my first point of becoming angry…my son, and I went to the hospital, and were finger printed, etc, before having blood drawn…he being an infant, was strapped to a board, to keep him still…there was no privacy…as I began to cry, feeling this was something we shouldn’t have had to endure…as I turned to leave, a work associate of mine, was standing there watching the whole event, and that was when I got angry. Meanwhile, Joe lived in Illinois, and because of his marriage, and honeymoon, was unable to accomplish getting his blood drawn for another month…and then the long wait from the State lab. It was now all a State ordeal, and therefore all the blood work had to be done in Lansing. It took another three months…and results finally came…identifying the father as him. Then came a phone call, offering me a settlement of 5K, to just go away. My son was now nine months old…my hospital bills alone were over 20K, I got angry again…and I told him to add some more zeros to that number, and call me back, otherwise I would see him in court. We went to court, and I received my first child support check on my son’s first birthday. Joe came, to court, accompanied by his now wife…we never spoke to each other. At first I sent pictures whenever I could but eventually I stopped doing that too. My son’s only connection to this man was simply that a child support check came in once a month from the State of MI. When my son turned approximately nine, he wrote a letter, asking his father if he could meet him…his father didn’t respond for many months, but responded to me with a note, saying it was indeed a subject that couldn’t be discussed in his home…and his vacation time was all booked for the following two years. Never would my son, know his father…never would he know any part of his father’s family…that was just how it had to be, until last summer… I received a telephone call from him, and he informed me he had separated, and wanted to come and meet his son…of course, I let my son decide…and he wanted to meet his father, so arrangements were made. The first time he came was Labor Day Weekend, 2005…he came with his girlfriend, not alone. Then he came back in November 2005, this time with the girlfriend, and Grandma and Grandpa. All these years, and now finally, he told his whole family, and aunts and uncles, began writing…I cannot tell you the emotions I have had…let alone my son…and I am sure all his family members who this was kept from for all these years also…

rm_UPFilmmaker 51M

5/24/2006 8:03 pm

You have had quite a ride, young lady. You write very well. I am captivated reading your words. I can see why you are so proud of your son. I think we need to get to know one another. It is nice to find a sexual, beautiful woman who is also so articulate.
I hope to hear from you soon.....


rm_corezon 54F
3376 posts
7/13/2006 7:27 am

I can only tell myself that for my own life surely everything happens for a reason and the choices I have made I made because I could make no others being who I am. I know that I would have made the same choice as you and likely for the same reason and have indeed made not dissimilar choices. I have been a single parent now for 15 years. It has been such a long road. I am happy for you and for him that your son has done well.

It still pains me to read of a man that denied his own son because of the manipulation and selfishness...and ultimately it reeks of selfishness to me...of another human being.


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