I went back  

charmedlulu 61F
78 posts
3/24/2006 5:09 am

Last Read:
3/25/2006 10:23 am

I went back

...The police, as well as the Prosecuting Attorney, as well as the counselor from the woman’s shelter all told me, he was an womanizer and an abuser, and they just don’t go away. They tried to prepare me for that. They told me, there was not much I could do...he had covered all his tracks, very well, they also told me, that I needed to be prepared if ever going to court, that he had the same file on me, that he had kept on her, by now, I knew he did...and everything carefully calculated, and taken out of context. We had long discussions about the D&S Lifestyle. I truly exposed every part of me to the police. I believe they understood it all, the best they could, but they also told me, that Marquette County, was very conservative, and after all it came down to my word against the two of them. The police also suggested that I purchase a recording device for my telephone, and record, any conversation that I might have with him or her. Two weeks, passed, although I had a few prank calls on my phone, (I didn’t have caller ID, the calls were merely to be inconvenient, in the middle of the night, no one talks sort of thing) the minute my guard was down, that call came in...it was the week of Christmas...I had the recorder and necessary equipment to talk and record the conversation, per the recommendations of the police. I was so freaking scared...and wanted to cover my own ass. He started being so sweet again...turned everything around to dreams, and fantasies I had shared with him...and I loved him, he knew that he played me like a fiddle...dam, I couldn't be strong...he played on my love for him, he played on my submissiveness, he played on every angle. We talked a couple of more times, (again all recorded), but I couldn't stay away. I went back, it was right before New Year's...I went back as a willing, consenting adult. Don't ask me why...I don't know why...I have really never understood it totally, and I don’t know that I ever will...but he played on my love for him, he played on his needs...so I accepted the fact that this other woman and I would be partners with him. I really believed that we would build sort of a family unit...the three of us. And I was open to that, because I truly loved him, and I knew this was what he wanted... He laid down the ground rules for us, and rule number one, we were not to talk to each other, other than in his presence. Upon my arrival, I knew she was not happy with the situation in many ways. Her actions were such that she walked away from me and began crying, saying to him, she couldn’t do this. I ended up there till about midnight that night, and we had a good time together the three of us for the most part, however there was a point in time, where her and I were alone. It was at that point that she began asking me leading probing questions, of which I answered. It was also at that point that I said some things, again to make her think. I truly felt as if I had finally reached her. I found a good person. I found someone so similar to me, it was almost frightening. She loved him...as did I. Warped as it sounds...I think he loved us both, as much as he could, and in the only way that he could. I however opened my ad on AdultFriendFinder...I wasn’t really happy anymore, emotionally, I wasn’t really there, and I didn’t know that I could ever forgive what had transpired the past couple of months...it weighed on me. I still thought, that it wouldn’t be all that awful, if we were building a family unit, however, I wasn’t seeing that, and I was extremely guarded in anything I did. I poured myself into my work...I spent hours above and beyond at my job, just to keep myself occupied. I met with him alone, on a few occasions, and he truly kept beating on me, emotionally. I always felt guilty, I always felt like I could do nothing right. I had begun to converse with someone from the Iron Mtn area through AdultFriendFinder, after sharing emails through the site, we began conversing on messenger...and that lead to communicating on the telephone. I never told anyone, although, there I was on AdultFriendFinder, under my normal own name, that I had acquired some time before. I finally agreed that I would meet this man for coffee one Saturday afternoon, in a public place... I felt like I was finally able to move on. I had told him my story, and he understood my hesitation, to meet, therefore was very helpful in making all accommodations to make me comfortable, and safe.

rm_mtufarker 34M
19 posts
3/24/2006 7:37 pm

Wow, I just read through your blog. There is a line between dom/sub and abuse and that line was crossed. Its too bad that someone like that is here in the UP. Its hard for me to believe that a written contract like that would hold up in court after what happened.

Stay safe.

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