being a yo-yo hurts...  

carmel62764 53F
191 posts
9/6/2006 8:26 pm

Last Read:
10/1/2006 6:58 am

being a yo-yo hurts...

right now i hate myself and i hate how i feel...i am sorry that i ever shared part of myself and my heart with not only Chris but the entireity of AdultFriendFinder...when i was just looking to fuck someone, things was cool--the "biff, bam, thank ya mam" mindset was ok since I wasn't kidding myself into thinking that anyone would be interested in anything of a serious nature with me.

then Chris came along and threw a monkey wrench into my plans...and my heart.

yeah, i was stupid and dumb--to delude myself into thinking that ANY MAN would be seriously considering being involved with a woman that he hooked up with from a adult sex site!! guess that hopeless romantic in me rose up and now all i wanna do is just go back to being a nobody...i blindly gave someone a chance and it bit me in the i have poison in my ass and the venom is causing a change to occur, and it's one that i don't like.

trust for me is a very hard thing to earn--once i decide to trust a person completely, i expect some sort of respect to come from that...even when it is from meeting someone on a adult sex site...i mean really now--there are still PEOPLE involved, not fuckin' cyborgs!!

try as i might, i cannot become attached to some people after being with them, unless i know that it's a losing battle to begin with or there was no attraction at all on either side!!

right now i am considering either becoming a nun (now there's a comical thought--me as a or living the rest of my life as a hermit...for a few weeks i enjoyed my 15 minutes of fame here on AdultFriendFinder--but i stupidly allowed my heart and my soul to get pulled into the mix, and now i'm paying for that mistake in spades.

think i will just lay low for a few months and get back to the posting says, being a yo-yo hurts--and i just have no business being in this end of the pool no ways.

time to just sink to the bottom and stay there...

rm_BabySage 47F
66 posts
9/6/2006 8:56 pm

your only a yo-yo if you allow it to be
don't hate yourself, your giving into unnecessary negative enegry.
flip that energy to something positive.. like your inner beauty!!

ArgosPlumyKooky 46F
3902 posts
9/6/2006 8:57 pm

you are not alone, and it will pass

carmel62764 53F

9/7/2006 2:07 am

thanks to the two of you for your kind words and all but i still feel like crap...and things like what i've experienced only serve to cause me to go deeper inside myself where no one can find me or hurt me...i don't feel much inner beauty, especially since i stopped having that a long time ago...and since outer beauty is a subjective thing, it only stands to reason that i will not pursue that at all.

i just refuse to let myself believe any more...

rm_wine423 56M

9/7/2006 4:16 pm

HI carmel;

You're beautiful inside and outside baby. That will never change and the fact you were hurt badly does happen to all of us; really. I've been thru the same thing and while it does seem like people are assholes not everyone is like that. There are some good, cool peeps on this site and some aren't. It's like that no matter where you meet someone. What you must keep in mind though is that everyone IS different. Sure there may be some similarities in some cases but different they are. Don't give up the ship. I've also thought about going to a monastary to hide but i then realized that that isn't an answer, it's running away from pain. Pain is there to remind us of what love is like. without pain and hurt, we can't know what love is. When you do find love again (and you most definitely will baby) you will again experience the exact opposite of the hurt. that is the reason we have good/evil; love/hate; pain/pleasure. Without one you cannot know the other. Please don't quit on life and what it has to offer. I wish i was there to help you through this but this is the only avenue i have right now. Keep your chin up, chest out and walk like the goddess that you are.

love, Chuck, wine423


9/7/2006 6:17 pm

i wish you would have answered me. i am very sorry you were hurt. i have been burned far to many times but yet i know there is a warm and tender heart such as yours out there. we will all find love when its time ,i wish you luck and please feel free to write me at anytime ...randy

rm_wolfey99 58M

9/7/2006 7:52 pm

Carmel please don,t let anyone else define who you are. I have read your posts and your a inteligent talented woman who can stand on her own and needs no man too make her the beautiful person she is. I hope in a few days you will feel better and move on. I just have too say what a sexy lady you are not just because of your outer beauty which is just WOW but also of the inside Carmel too. Your one of a kind Hun and just a ahottie thru and thru. Take care and hope your feeling better soon. Btw i think your one of the sexist ladies on here you make this Wolf howl!!!!!!!

tonguenrestless 56M

9/7/2006 10:09 pm

Would it make you feel better if I showed you a picture of my fish?


tonguenrestless 56M

9/7/2006 10:10 pm

I got it in Cabo....

rm_6menu9 46M
33 posts
9/8/2006 8:27 am

Yeah, looking for love on a sex site is pretty dumb, but I am doing it too. I figured that the ladies I met here would be a little more sexually experimental or open to a swing type lifestyle. I know that if I met 100 ladies from this site in person, I might, maybe, possibly find one that would truly want a meaningful relationship. So I am in the same boat.
But, I won't pass up the fun on the way.

UlnasBrocaFelts 57M
16 posts
9/8/2006 11:03 am

That all encompassing and preplexing sex organ between our ears can really cuase the rest of our being to go on the fritz.

Relatuionships are like religion - you put a lot in and you think you get a lot back maybe. Or the other side - you put little effrot in and reap very little benefit, maybe? Both however do take time and effort.

The good news is you can walk away from a relationship and as a minimum have learned something, perhaps even have fond memories that will reap bounty down the road. With most religions you are normally not among the living to really know if it all paid off.

In the end smile - you did it and life goes on!

absolutelynormal 57F
6563 posts
9/8/2006 4:35 pm

I think this is something we all go through. The point in the lesson is not "don't trust anyone" but rather be selective in who you trust. I sometimes feel like a fool too.

I think there is a distinct difference in men and women and what happens in their brains when they have sex. If this is something you want to continue to do (stay at this site and have sex with the different guys here) perhaps you should do one night stnds only where you don't become emotionally attached. I really have no advice to give cause I do this too. All I can say is hang in there and know you aren't alone. Mac

carmel62764 53F

9/8/2006 5:33 pm

to everyone that has commented or made me laugh and smile for a momnet, thank you...and don't worry. Chris is not worth me doing anything violent to myself (that was my 2000 phase when i was engaged)'s just gonna take a few minutes to feel that trust issue again the way that i normally do.

i have accepted the fact that i am a woman who is VERY intense during lovemaking/sex and who cannot turn down that intensity--for me to do that would involve being a phony...and you can call me many many things but NEVER a phony!! if i could "switch off" like so many people do then there would be no problem--but as such i am the tru definition of a cancerian, mood swings and nurturing all the way around.

at this stage in the game, it's really hard to say if i will stay on this site or not--if i do, i will probably keep a VERY LOW profile and just lurk in the shadows for a minute or so...but either way it rolls Chris has lost out, BIG TIME!! one night he WILL look back on this moment with the deepest of regrets and realize that he truly had a diamond mine in his backyard--and sold it to seek his (mis)fortunes elsewhere!!

still, it's great to be young and insane!!

Become a member to create a blog