Nice man vs: the Brute  

candy69sosweet 62F
10901 posts
9/27/2005 11:54 pm
Nice man vs: the Brute

This is a continuation of my comment from a few posts ago, where we were discussing, what I thought, was football and why men want to play. Turns out, it's more about Mr. Nice vs: Mr. Brute.

beewulf9 believes (I think) that to be a brute is a good thing. Mr. Brute plays violent sports, takes extreme risks, looks for an adrenaline rush, all to play the part of the hero. He seems to think Mr. Nice is weak and always settles, refusing to fight for what he wants.

It is my humble opinion that Mr. Nice is far above this. Mr. Nice is a guy who is about adventure, and being good to his woman, and supportive and helpful.... No heroics here. Why do nice guys have to settle? Why can't a nice guy take chances? I think they can. Without brutality. Without violence. Without having to prove anything to anyone.

Mr. Nice can kiss with passion and turns my body inside out with his touch. He can make love with intensity such that my world shifts. He can make my knees weak just with a look. What's wrong with that? When Mr. Nice speaks, in his soft spoken gentle tone...he calls on you to pay attention to his words. He doesn't need to be loud or abusive to get attention. His gentility does that tenfold.

Ladies, what do you think? Do you prefer Mr. Nice? Or would you rather have Mr. Brute? Let your voice be heard!

Men, tell me what you think. Does being Mr. Brute make you feel like a man? Or does Mr. Nice win in the end?

Personally? I believe Mr. Nice always comes in first.....

~Friendship is a gift given from the heart and treasured forever~

Redjeep91 59M

10/5/2005 1:29 am

HI Candy,
There has always been a retention in retaining labels that are sometimes clear and then not so clear. The very commendable comments by Pawpr1t and mtnravyn are good examples I agree with totally. I have been in the situation where the "girl" dropped me for the brute, yet they would always come back when she had seen his true colors. Many times they put me in the position where I was too be the brute. I just turned away until it became violent and I had to physically defend the things I loved. All of those "brutes" were very jealous of me to the point if they were with the girl and saw me they would quickly shuffle the girl away. Yet, they would never face me or stand up to me. The "brutes" always talked bad about me and what they would do if they saw me but nothing ever happend but a bunch of lies that turned the girls against me. Usually I got blamed for something they did or some cowardly acton their part. Some of the girls thought he was a "bigger man" than myself because he was tall, dark, handsome and threw money at them. All of my friends knew I could be depended on to make a stand for what was right. I am that calm, soft spoken man who can do most anything. Yet they would always come to me when help was needed and I never turned them down.
I am still somewhat of a thrill seeker, as I have had many dangerous jobs and love the rush. Yet, I will not do this at anyone's exspense, physically or mentally. I want them to enjoy these things with me. I think most "brutes" are self destructive people who can't see the forest for the trees.

keithcancook 61M
18138 posts
9/29/2005 9:26 pm

what molittle said...

rm_molittle69 47M
117 posts
9/28/2005 9:56 pm

the term gentlemen says it all, we are one, we are many, we are all.

rm_mtnravyn 61M
890 posts
9/28/2005 3:26 pm

candy There is a hugh "meaning" discrepancy which emeges in th is type of discussion. The definition used for "warrior" in the aftermath of the men's movement of the early 80's was something like this. A warrior will sacrifice everything except his truth, his way of being, and his commitments. The ultiamte stand is to do something with your life that will make a difference. A warrior may have nothing to do with weapons, competitions, or killing. Rather they take a stand on living. There stand is for harmony, growth, and healing. And to do this within a closed system that seems bent on self destruction is a challenging task. It is not the movie or TV heroes that should define the model. There were a lot of nice guys who stood up on a plane aimed for Washington on 9/11 and took their stand. That is my ideal for a model.

beewulf9 39M

9/28/2005 2:26 pm

The term that I think of in regards, to the brute that we are referring to above, is a Warrior poet. Is your Mr. Nice Guy, one of these types of people?

Examples of a Warrior Poet;

Clake Kent/Superman
William Wallace

On the other hand, in the nice guy corner, I think of;

Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith show, who was a laugh.

Who do you want to kiss?

redmustang91 58M  
8954 posts
9/28/2005 8:05 am

Interesting issues. Macho behavior is often more show than go. True character does not require shows of force. As a lawyer I don't generally use violence, instead I use the law as a weapon to achieve justice for my clients. Good manners and civility are helpful to allow people to live together and achieve positive results. But nice manners are not cover for spineless character. Some have underestimated me and ten years of battling has taught them the very high cost! Like the Fram oil filter ads said, you can pay me now or you can pay me much more later! Think iron fist in velvet glove.

rm_mtnravyn 61M
890 posts
9/28/2005 5:48 am

I do not believe this is a black and white issue. It eliminates the potential for intelligent choice in behavior. There are times when it is appropriate and maybe even necessary for someone to behave in an heroic fashion. Taking extreme risks without thought of the consequences or to "show off" is stuipidity. Taking extreme risks knowing the consequences when one is acting to protect family or those for who one cares is courageous.

I believe many men have died or had their spirits shattered behind the heroic image trying to rescue damsels who just wanted to use them. The cultural image of the white horse and shiny armor and doing anyhting for "love" has created a hugh burden for men (there is a corresponding image of the helpless female which is perpetuated with it) and a confusion of what behavior is expected. LIfe seems to be a blancing act of making appropriate choices based on the context. Todays hero may be the man who is willing to stand for what he believes in the face of all the cultural opposition.

So my vote is for the man who is forced to stand in the middle and make choices, the man who is willing to honor his responsibilities, the man who will fight when there is no other recourse, but does not have to prove anything to anyone. If a man honors and respects himself, then there is a very high probability that he will honor and respect the women in his life. And he will be the one who takes the time to learn about passionate expression and be able to speak softly and be heard.

ks_traveler67 50M

9/28/2005 5:48 am

I agree with homboldhonni and frnds4play. Being nice does not mean doormat. Call me a nice guy if you will, but I still like the adrenaline rush of sky diving, scuba diving, gun ranges, playing a sport, high speeds, and a sexually charged person who cares for me the way I care about them. I will not settle for someone. I do take risks, I am adventurous, I am spontaneous, and I am a gentleman. Being a brute does not mean you should forego treating someone with respect.

I do not like disrespect towards other people nor myself and I do not give second chances. I am a former Marine who has taken martial arts. I will stand up for myself. I am the kind of person that prefers to walk away from a fight, but if you push me into a corner, watch the f*ck out.

PawPr1nt 53M
133 posts
9/28/2005 4:58 am

I think that the labels/qualities 'brute' and 'nice' are not directly comparable. Human nature equips us (men) with the physical, intellectual and emotional abilities to be strident, fear-free and violent. Whether our upbringings or environments allow us to discover, demonstrate or develop those 'natural' characteristics is another matter.

I am a compact, moderately muscular guy, was a professional soldier, prison officer, ju-jitsu-student, wild-country hiker, competition-qualified combat rifle and pistol shooter, have (illicitly) slept with the wives of 'brutes' and had all sorts of other risk-zone occupations or pastimes. What some might call a 'real' man...

On the other hand, I have been a suicide-hotline volunteer, cook better than any woman I know, sew, paint children's faces, play make-up with my daughter, can do shiatzu-massage and wear a skirt as often as I can (ok, the last one is unfair - I'm a scot...).

I can be a brute and I can be nice. I can even be them one after the other, in certain circumstances.

The sooner a guy knows he has the choice to be a brute and a nice guy as and when I choses or it is necessary, he is fully aware of himself as a male. It's not a case of 'either...or'.

5 posts
9/28/2005 3:00 am

Interesting question, my personal demeanor is initially Mr. Nice. As the relationship evolves Mr. Nice has many bad boy traits but not Mr. Brute.

In my opinion not all women like Mr. Nice but that is not a problem. You can’t be all things to all people. I think this can cause problems as relationships or marriages mature.

Mr. Nice

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