Who is Dr Seuss?  

bulging_boy 50M
4912 posts
1/20/2006 4:21 am

Last Read:
7/9/2007 10:09 pm

Who is Dr Seuss?

Just so you know, I'm not the only one that spouts crap endlessly.

I was talking to Bard last night, and as is usual our chat was complete crap.

Complete crap... winding and twisting... moreso than the picture from my post a few days ago.

Anyway, it did end up touching the subject of scat and the horrendous posts that I've subjected you all too... but despite all of this... we both laughed like the Devil himself.

It's amazing how a simple phrase can trigger a thought and from a thought... well in this place more than anywhere... to a blog.

So what you will see below is part of our chat, and it's an accurate account as well! It should also be known that this was the equivalent of freestyling comedy. We were pretty much hitting each other with the next lines one after the other.

The only changes I have made have been spelling corrections and the removal of the ever present LOL and ROFL's.

Now… straight from the bowels of Dr Seuss… and the Scat in the Hat comes...

What shall we call it Bard?

Bard: Pat and Matt and the story of Scat


Pat and Matt and the story of Scat!

Bulge: Pat loved scat so Matt went splat
Bulge: and shat on Matt and said take that
Bulge: so Matt ate that and called him a twat

Bard: it was long and hard and named Expat

Bulge: Matt ate Expat and called him a twat

Bard: Would you like it from a dog?
Bard: Or just my own human log?

Bulge: i would like it from a dog
Bulge: i would like your human log
Bulge: i would like it from a bear
Bulge: i would like it dropped from there

Bard: From a cat? oh hell no man.
Bard: They just cover theirs with sand

Bulge: would you like brown scat and sand?

Bard: green scat and sand

Bulge: I do not want brown scat and sand

Bulge: noone would want green scat

Bard: I do not like green scat and sand.
Bard: I do not like it sam I am.
Bard: How about if I raise my skirt and paint you brown with hershey squirts

Bulge: i would not like it from your skirt
Bulge: i would not like it brown with squirts

Bard: would you could you on your tits
Bard: covered with my corny shits?

Bulge: what about upon your face
Bulge: slimy trails leaving trace

Bard: here’s an idea you shouldn’t pass
Bard: how about I force one in your ass

Bulge: when you're stuck for something to do
Bulge: have one of these on which to chew

Bard: This one’s all grain and looking bright
Bard: would you could you take a bite?

Bulge: could you eat it once again
Bulge: could you eat it without shame?

Bard: I bet you would love it most
Bard: spread like marmite, on some toast

Bulge: here’s some more I'm really puffing
Bulge: I think I'll call it stove top stuffing

Bard: I’m squatted over you, my ass is flexin'
Bard: Look at the size, I think it’s a Texan

Bulge: I pushed and pushed that one hurt me
Bulge: it stretched all the way to Alburqueque

Bard: Out of my ass, it popped like a cork
Bard: looks like something from New York

Bulge: I ripped my sphincter forcing more
Bulge: boy my arse was Arkan sore

Bard: This was fun and that’s just a fact
Bard: Let’s go shit on Sister_Act

Bulge: I agree but don't be coy
Bulge: lets shit on ky plowboy

Bard: The act of scat, see how it grows
Bard: it’s squishing up through bunny's toes

Bulge: scat on ground looks like a log
Bulge: poor Trav thought it was a frog

Bard: Your kids like it too, they dont want to rush it
Bard: Thats why they let it simmer before they flush it

Bulge: they let it simmer yes that's true
Bulge: they know there's a market for fresh scat poo

Bard: They look in the toilet and see turds all wet
Bard: and scream daddy please send them to Juliet

Bulge: the turds looked up and with a frown
Bulge: all cried out don’t spin me down

Bard: For the best scat, you have to trust
Bard: nothing cleans up easier than Oldman’s dust

Bulge: wow that one looks just like a toy
Bulge: actually more like bulging_boy

Bard: a turd that looks like that little creep?
Bard: it had to come from the ass of a sheep

Bulge: there’s one the size of a van
Bulge: I bet it came from Bardicman

Bard: his fat ass makes turds so wide
Bard: we could hollow it out and move inside

Bulge: now here’s a shit that’s regally handsome
Bulge: yup you guessed... from Helga Hansen

Bard: oh I am grunting hard my ass is open wide
Bard: I feel like I’m give birth to that chick named Slide
Bard: Here's a good crap.. I bet that it won’t smell
Bard: rub it in real good then [blog caressmewell caress me well]

So there you have it.

Hopefully this is where the shite breaks off and finally gets flushed away.

Well... you never know sometimes do ya kids?

bardicman 51M

1/20/2006 4:30 am

BAHAHAHA.. Damn I was there and still I have to laugh my ass off.

I am not dead yet

kyplowboy22 62M

1/20/2006 4:58 am

ffs. lol


DTduzDallas 51F

1/20/2006 5:53 am

lmfao...very creative

MillsShipsGayly 53M

1/20/2006 6:18 am

~^~ happym;

fucking shit??????

bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 6:30 am

Yeah Bard... it makes me laugh too!!

bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 6:31 am

that's about all you can say to that ky


rm_saintlianna 46F
15466 posts
1/20/2006 6:38 am

If you and Bard start making scat movies I am outta here. Ew.

bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 6:59 am


We're just waiting for the green scat... I mean green light from our publisher.


bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 7:00 am

Thanks DT



bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 7:01 am

LOL Michael,

I'd liked to have seen that more if the smileys worked.

Top marks for that effort!!


bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 7:01 am


I think everyone would be...

Including me!!!!


tillerbabe 57F

1/20/2006 7:04 am

You guys are "up" too late...shit, you're always "up"..can't get away from either of you! "scatHumpers" You both need to get laid.

JJKittyKat 60F

1/20/2006 7:10 am

What can I say?

romeoMEETSjuliet 53M/53F
162 posts
1/20/2006 7:30 am

She says - I thought I would hide, and just be coy.
I wouldn't just flush my bulging_boy.

But whenever I go to use the can
I'll continue to think about Bardicman

Even from way across the pond
You have to pity the LilBlonde

It's not the driving, or even the roast
It's the floating things of which you boast

Now I must get back to my chat
And leave you two to play with scat

rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
1/20/2006 8:30 am

Kiwi...you are jsut dealing with WAY too much shit in your life lately...and because of it, so are we!

BTW...Albuquerque. You have to live here to be able to spell it right.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
1/20/2006 9:50 am

Absolutely hilarious! You didn't have much to do did you??

bardicman 51M

1/20/2006 10:29 am

Juliet.. BAHAHAHA.. I will always leave the lid up for you Lady...

I am not dead yet

slidein2meplz 63F
1994 posts
1/20/2006 10:32 am

translation of COSCB = choking on smoke, can't breathe

SLIDE (1/20/2006 3:11:06 AM): Hey Bard... what'cha up too this late at night?

BARD(1/20/2006 3:11:31 AM): you dont really want to know

SLIDE (1/20/2006 3:11:42 AM): lol..ok..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....So that's what you were doing....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

Sister_Act_4_You 39F/39F

1/20/2006 10:57 am

ooooh, jeez, would it have helped if I had gone ahead and stopped my cybersex session and chatted with you two?!? Jeez....

Um, uh, you didn't hear that part about the cybersex, okay? Because, you see, I don't do that...you know, like, often. Okay? So, it stays just between us, right?

Whewwww! Reputation saved!

FeistySyn 53F

1/20/2006 1:10 pm

**** FLUSH *****

The End?

....fingers crosssed.... lololol....

p.s. Romeo - well done!!

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?

bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 1:20 pm

probably nothing JJ

bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 1:27 pm


I think you are a crazy chick,
but that turd you sent made us both sick

bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 1:29 pm

Thanks for that Daph,

You'll notice then... I spelt it wrong...

and I'm fine with that!


Seems the price for spelling it correctly is too great!

bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 1:30 pm


In case you've noticed... we NEVER have much to do!


bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 1:32 pm

We know you would Bard...


bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 1:34 pm

No poppet!

You know damned fine it would have helped had you continued your cybersex session with US!!


bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 1:35 pm

That and other stuff we really *couldn't* repeat Spicy!


sexymermaid6956 64F
26393 posts
1/20/2006 2:01 pm

omg now i have read a shitty Dr Seuss...roflmfo...


Seduce my mind and my body

sexymermaid6956 64F
26393 posts
1/20/2006 2:04 pm

omg now i have read a shitty Dr Seuss...roflmfo...its kinda like spots on wall by who fung poo!!!!!!!


Seduce my mind and my body

sexymermaid6956 64F
26393 posts
1/20/2006 2:06 pm

omg it is related to spots on wall by who fung poo..slaping my forhead lol


Seduce my mind and my body

TheQuietGuy2005 55M
2386 posts
1/20/2006 3:51 pm

I found my way here more by accident than anything else ... but OMG ... how will I ever be able to stay away for long now?

Thank you, kind sir!

helga_hansen 50F
1987 posts
1/20/2006 3:52 pm

Lol... regally handsome?? What sort of shit is this???

*Goes off to to the WC*


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

anchcpl4fun 42M/45F

1/20/2006 4:18 pm

i got to line three and saw the T word and couldnt go on.....Lucky me, prolly the only time I shall thank you for using that WORD!

of course I still love you, kinda like the great fondness for the mentally challanged child down the street....cant help but adore him, but dread when he wants to come help make cookies...or in your case Roast.

bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 4:44 pm


Who can be sure if this is the end...

and Romeo doesn't need any encouragement


bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 7:53 pm

Hey mermaid,

Yup... the shittiest as well.

bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 9:16 pm

Spots on wall?

Mermaid... you are more well read than me!


bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 9:19 pm

Spots on wall slapping you on the forehead mermaid?

That's just gross!


bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 9:25 pm

Hey QuietGuy,

Just like everyone else... all by accident.


I have no idea why they come back

bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 9:28 pm

Damned if I know Helga,

Blasted blazers and ties I say... burn them... burn them all!!!


bulging_boy 50M

1/20/2006 9:31 pm

LOL anch,

You know she was lying of course...

bulging_boy 50M

1/21/2006 2:24 am

Alas BigGirlz,

As you can see from my blog... shame is something I lost a long, long time ago!


CuriousAries67 50F

1/21/2006 5:47 am

Bulge ~ after reading your post, I feel a bit pooped.

It's nice to know that other people out in the world actually have the same kind of surreal conversations as I...

caressmewell 54F

1/21/2006 7:29 am

You two...what are we going to do with you?

rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
1/21/2006 9:54 am

Kiwi, I have a message for you from another blogger:

Wahine says: Hey Bulge...I'm still invisible on your blog, so I'm going to say all sorts of nasty stuff until we figure out why I went away

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_Bct2Esi 52M/51F
1375 posts
1/21/2006 1:06 pm

shaking my head through fits of laughter and tears, and putting my head in my heads.......

FFS, and Holy Hell, what are we going to do with all this shit that you and bard keep producing? Those pieces of chocolate ARE EXLAX GUYS not hershey peices ROFLAO

See now you two have the "hershey squirts"

I take one day off from here and this is what happens? HOLY......

hugs, luvs and smiles

bulging_boy 50M

1/21/2006 2:32 pm

Sure you're pooped Aries?

I was worried you may have been browned off at us!

bulging_boy 50M

1/21/2006 2:34 pm


I'd go with the rubbing us in oil option caress!


bulging_boy 50M

1/21/2006 2:37 pm


Hmmm.... the name rings a bell!

Tell her to leave lots of them, and be really really offensive.


Ok just tell her to leave lots... she does the other anyway!

bulging_boy 50M

1/21/2006 2:42 pm

Hey Bct,

I guess that's why they weren't wrapped in tinfoil.

Still... we're really good at painting by numbers now.

So long as it's number 2


_Safira 54F
11260 posts
1/21/2006 8:44 pm

there once was a boy named Bulge
freaky rhymes he loved to divulge
with keyboard on-hand
he was the cadence man
and we laughed-off our asses
and ate fudge!

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
1/21/2006 9:31 pm

(mutters to self..asshole...damn kiwi asshole...said I'm offensive..up his - no, wait, that's one place NOT to go...)

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

bulging_boy 50M

1/22/2006 1:04 am

That wasn't fudge Safira

oldman1776 79M
3164 posts
1/22/2006 1:13 am

LMOAO You both should be in the blgville asylum.

If it haden't been for papy and sister we would still have bard locked up.

Peche85 32F

1/22/2006 1:33 am

I left something for you on my blog!

bulging_boy 50M

1/22/2006 3:08 am

LOL Oldman,

If it weren't for Papy and Sister???


bulging_boy 50M

1/22/2006 3:09 am


I'm afraid to look... but I will anyway!

bulging_boy 50M

1/23/2006 3:51 am

Hiya Candy!

It was a team effort. Bard is much funnier than me.

well... to look at anyway!


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
1/24/2006 11:03 am

The good thing about being invisible is that I don't have to pretend laugh at this inane drivel. Spare me from these idiots...and what is he, anyway, like 4'1" or something. Poor blonde.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

keithcancook 61M
17930 posts
6/27/2007 12:00 am

Jeeze. I must really be bored tonight...

blog on!

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