No I can't bloody well fly!  

bulging_boy 50M
4912 posts
10/27/2005 3:39 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

No I can't bloody well fly!

Gosh, the number of times folk have asked me what the hell I'm on about.

I lost count of the times I've been asked what a munter is. Luckily Dad managed to fix that iron lung and could help me out. The answer was 6.

He's shown me how to count on my other hand now, which is a real help. Until I get to 8, then I'm going to have to start counting using my toes. All two of them.


To make sure I don't have to worry about what to use when I run out of fingers and toes, I thought I would give you my fellow blogging companions, some help in translating parts of my posts. The parts where I slip back into good ol' Kiwi slang.

It has to be said that this list is in no way conclusive. Mainly cause I'm a lazy bastard.

Munter An ass-hat basically. A fuckwit. Someone fucked in the head. When we say somethings munted, we mean it's fucked. As in... Bob munted his car by driving it into that tree. What a munter.

Sheila A lady. It's also a sheila's name as well. Meet Sheila, she's a top sheila.

Sheep Shagger Whaddya reckon. Self explanatory really. A sheep shagger is an Australian.

Kiwi Up there on the left. Our national icon. Feared and fearless. A kiwi will cut it's enemies down with it's razor sharp beak and hunts in packs. It can fly and use it's many powers to evade capture. It makes itself invisible as in the movie Predator. A scary beast.** Also used to describe a New Zealander, as in Ohh Bob? Yeah... he's a Kiwi.

Kiwifruit One of those brown furry things with green insides. Bloody tasty.

Barbie A b-b-q. Bar-be-que. Meat on the grill outside. Smokey as fuck. Meeting place for guy to talk shit and drink heaps. Demarcation point at parties. Sheilas in the kitchen. Guys at the barbie. Don't ever take a real barbie *anywhere* or you will get the shit kicked out of you. When someone says bring something for the barbie... don't bring Ken or a dress. You have been warned!

Bach Batch. Ricketty old holiday home usually near the beach.

Aussie Our closest neighbours. The Australians

Possum A tree eating marsupial. Hangs around at night eating shit you don't want it to eat. Easily stunned with headlights or flashlights to the eyes. Freaky as fuck when you come across one at night. Has been known to kill a grown man... but that could have been an exaggeration.

Tinnie A can. Usually piss.

Piss Usually beer. Can be piss. Do not confuse the two. I'm going for a piss or I'm just drinking piss with my mates. Can also mean angry. As in I'm pissed off with you, you munter. Did you just hassle my Sheila? Fuck off you sheep shagger.

Hassle Annoy. Don't hassle me you wanker.

Shit Usually nonsense. Talking shit. Can also mean not caring, as in I don't give a shit, general stuff as in, can you put that shit here? or just shit, as in... I'm just going for a shit.

Mate A Good friend. Cheers mate.

Wank Can be a good friend. Or someone you don't like. Can also be a wank. Get fucked ya wank. Jeez Bob's a right wank and giveus a wank?

Wanker Always someone you don't like. He's a wanker. Mates are never wankers. You can call a mate a wank.

Spakker Similar to spastic. Falls into the munter category.

Dag Someone funny. He's a bit of a dag. Is also the shit that ends up sticking to a sheeps arse.

Chunder To puke. Vomit. Technicolour yawn. Chuck. Spew. Be sick.

Crook Be ill. Traditionally after drinking heaps of piss, you will chunder then feel crook.

Gidday Hello. Gidday mate.

Shag Similar to root. Have sex with. I rooted that sheila or I shagged that sheila. Can also mean really tired as in man, I'm shagged or man, I'm rooted.

Heaps A lot. You should have worked that out by now. If you haven't? You're a spakker.

Right. That'll do for now. I don't want to overwhelm you. Plus... that's all I can think of.

**ok. I may have lied about the kiwi. It's essentially blind, comes out only at night, can't fly and eats worms and grubs with it's incredibly long beak. In a word.. it's fucked. Still we like it, and somehow it seems to describe us - to a T.

caressmewell 55F

10/27/2005 2:00 pm

I love it, educational and funny.

bulging_boy 50M

10/27/2005 5:28 pm

Cheers caress

rm_luke69iner 49M
3275 posts
10/27/2005 8:46 pm

is kiwi good eatin'

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

bulging_boy 50M

10/28/2005 6:14 am

Awwww jeeeeez do ya neeeeekee?

bulging_boy 50M

10/28/2005 6:18 am

I'm sure you have just as many cool terms Trav.

No. A kiwi is the bird, unless you're talking about me... but I'm a guy. I'm also a kiwi.

The fruit is entirely different. Not sure why it's referred to as a kiwi... unless it's cause they expect you to add fruit to the end... although you don't call a banana bananafruit.

Nope. Beats me!

Bird See Sheila, also a bird, see Kiwi

five_speed 42M

10/28/2005 9:14 pm

I knew most of these! yah for me! Does that make me a top bloke or just a munted wanker?

bulging_boy 50M

10/29/2005 5:55 am

If you knew these 5er, you'd *have* to be a top bloke!

bulging_boy 50M

10/29/2005 11:58 am


I doubt it. It's on the endangered list so we aint allowed.

Although... maybe it does, and that's the reason it's on the list.

rm_bella_ 48F
4030 posts
10/29/2005 7:28 pm

Ok wanker (also means friend), that piss you made me drink makes me want to chunder. so dont come looking to this Shiela for a wank tonight. You would definately have to be a munter to think I would shag you.

yes i am a dag talking shit, but aren't all Shiela's like this?

bulging_boy 50M

10/29/2005 9:11 pm

Sure are Bella,

So a shags out... how about a root then?

rm_saintlianna 46F
15466 posts
10/30/2005 7:46 am

Aw, its so cute and pointy, I want one!!!! (and I am not talking about the bird)

bulging_boy 50M

10/30/2005 11:02 pm

LMAO Saint

You'll have to save up. The surgery's pretty expensive I've heard.

I'm happy to share mine with ya!

bulging_boy 50M

10/31/2005 3:17 pm


Cheers Sheila mate!

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