Sex With A Guarantee?  

blastngoff 54M
55 posts
8/13/2006 3:47 am

Last Read:
8/13/2006 4:32 am

Sex With A Guarantee?


I read quite a few profiles since I find them interesting, kind of like a short blog. Some are funny, some (I think) honest or straightforward, while others are not quite living in this world, and some are just plain mean-spirited. Some people are just so full of themselves that you wonder who would want to be with them in the first place. Others ar so specific in what they want that I would think that they have eliminated 99 percent of the population. I agree that someone should not settle for anything less than what they want and it is a good negotiating strategy; go in with high demands, knowing that you may have to settle for a little less. With all of that said, there are a lot of guarantees being offered on profiles: guarantee the hottest sex you will ever have; guarantee you a great time in bed; guarantee a good time; guarantee to give you the best oral sex; guarantee I have the greatest body, contact me and I guarantee you will not be sorry; and the list goes on and on. How do you guarantee this? I'm thinking that there will be some attempt to fulfill what is promised, but as far as a guarantee...I mean when I buy an appliance from the store I get a guarantee that states that I will get a replacement, a refund, or a repair. What about a sexual guarantee? Should I expect the same? Is there a certicate given before we begin; should I look for something stamped on your body somewhere; will you attach a form on one of the e-mails that I will have to sign? Personally, I have a date of expiration tattoo on me and believe me, my shelf life expired years ago. I've had some similar guarantees in my life..they usually start with the phrase "when I get you home or when I see you next time". Now if they say "you won't be sorry", believe me, you probably will. Some have definitely exceeded expectations, there was no guarantee necessary. Usually the guarantee means that that person is going to try their damnest to fulfill the offer and meet expectations which is always a good thing. Sometimes it falls way short which is a bit disappointing. For these instances, then maybe I should be able to use the guarantee. Can't expect any money back but a repeat or an apology from the supplier? Is there a sexual return desk someplace where I should drop the person off at? I should be able to throw the person naked in a shopping cart, roll up to the desk and say "I want to see the manager, this damn thing just doesn't work right". Man, talk about false advertising. Maybe we should just pass "lemon laws" in states like they have for cars. Since we love suing anybody these days over anything, possibly we could use the person's guarantee as the basis for a suit in small claims court. I have to admit consumer ignorance on the sexual guarantee issue since I just don't know how it all works. Maybe I didn't fulfill my part of the bargain...now that is a possibility. I just didn't know how to use the product right once I got it home. Men do hate to read or follow instructions. Naw, couldn't be, I'm a guy and we always give a superior performance, or so we think. I don't even try to offer the guarantee since I had to close the complaint department long ago due to a over demand issue. My only guarantee is "as is", once you get this clunker off the lot..well, good luck.

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