How Many Times is Too Many Times to be Married?  

blastngoff 54M
55 posts
9/7/2006 1:11 am

Last Read:
9/10/2006 12:13 am

How Many Times is Too Many Times to be Married?

After having been married three times, I have done considerable thinking (introspection) and a little therapy, in trying to understand why I keep failing and why I keep coming back to the "well" for more. I could probably write a book on my reasons why or I could just take a cheap shot and blame it all on the "others" since obviously it is always the other person's fault - can't possibly be me can it? After all, I am perfect, or at least my Mom tends to think that way and thank God someone does. It does take two people to make it work, so it isn't always my fault and in at least one circumstance it was beyond my ability to change anything - you can't try to hold onto someone that just doesn't want to be held. Marriage is, after all about committment - our ability to place a high priority upon something we truly value, and how much of our "resources" we want to expend towards making it work. I can tell you from experience that it is not an easy task, but maybe we have made the process of divorce too easy (not financially nor emotionally for sure), just the legal paperwork process. Even I have gotten tired of seeing lawyers and writing them checks. But I keep falling down, dusting myself off, and climbing back on the bike that I just cannot seem to master - someday I will be able to take the training wheels off or maybe I will just find the perfect bike that is an easy ride. I should give up, but being a stubborn male, just won't. I guess that I am committed to the institution of marriage - just not the part of feeling about ready to be committed to an institution. We've made it just too easy to walk away - my committment failure - maybe we should place a limit on the number of times one can get married and divorced, but is that like placing a restriction on how many times you can fall into and out of love? There is a song "Love the One You're With", and that does take some work, effort, and committment in keeping that love alive. Believe me, being single has it's advantages, but like marriage, has some disadvantages as well. I guess that there are pros and cons on every issue and I have to honestly say at this point, that marriage (if you want to make it work), in the long run has more pros than cons in comparison. Maybe that comes with age. I know that in my 20's and 30's that the moments of being un-attached, free, and single were kind of fun in a way. But like all rides, the party train does have to make a stop and hopefully, not a crash. But I did enjoy the moment that is for sure and I doubt that I will be asking for a refund anytime soon. The thought of being 70 and alone living in a trailer park as a retiree in Florida and going to bingo every Wednesday night is not something I find that I am looking at all forward to. I don't want to become like one of the characters from "Grumpy Old Men". Even though we have become a society with drive-in marriages and drive-through divorces, I will climb back on my "steed", asking someone (please don't say victim), once again to get on back with me and hold on tight. It will be a tough ride, not always smooth, we may encounter a flat tire here and there, but we will get off and fix the problem, and continue along on our merry way. There will be some obstacles thrown onto our path that we will have to zig-zag around, we may lose our balance temporarily, but eventually get back to normalcy. Someone may give us wrong directions - try to get us off from our desired path, but we will look at our "map" and head straight towards our goal. We'll stop every now and then and enjoy the scenery - take a break, because after all, we will be enjoying the ride. No hurry, because we will be committed to finishing the trip - together. When we reach the end our bike will have a few wear marks, a dent and ding here and there; maybe look a little worse for the wear, but somehow we and it made it through. We'll hold each other, kiss, and look into each other's eyes with such fond memories - thinking of what a grand and glorious excursion we have just completed; pilot and co-pilot. We'll put away the bike, knowing that most of the trip is done, and we will walk the rest of the way hand in hand. We may have given up our "steed", but not on each other. I think that I have realized through writing this kind of sappy yarn, one of the drawbacks to being single at 3am - being lonely. With that it is time for some marriage humor:

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow

Marriage is the price men pay for sex. Sex is the price women pay for marriage.

A young couple, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.
"That's right!!" said the husband, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she threw him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He looked at her incredulously.
"Go on!" she urged, "Go on."
He reluctantly tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap.
He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!"
She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your attitude changes!"

And a little something to share with your spouse, significant other, or save for your next:

The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially by Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher (Doubleday).

• Unmarried people are far more likely to die young–especially men, who on average engage in riskier behavior when single than when married. Statistically, divorce is as dangerous to a man's health as starting to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. Nine of ten married men will live to be at least sixty-five, while only six of ten single men will. Nine of ten wives make it to sixty-five, but only eight of ten single or divorced women will.

• Married people have more money, and their money goes further. If you think about it, two can live almost as cheaply as one. Cohabiting doesn't offer nearly as many financial benefits as marriage, because married couples make long-term plans and decisions.

• Married people not only have far more sex than singles, but they enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally. "One reason married people have more sex," the authors state, "is that any single act of sex costs them less in time, money, and psychic energy. They have already made the huge investment in establishing and maintaining a sexual relationship and can lie back and enjoy the dividends."

• Even in bad, "high-conflict" marriages (excluding when there's abuse), divorce generally creates more problems than it solves. This concept's difficult to accept, and seems illogical to someone "stuck" in a bad marriage. Yet it's borne out. One of the book's keystone pieces of research shows that high-conflict marriages–where partners fight a lot–usually turn good if the couples don't give up. In fact, 86 percent of unhappily married people who stuck it out for five years reported that their marriages became much happier.

What's more, the worst marriages showed the best turnarounds: 77 percent of people who rated their marriages "very unhappy" reported a change to "very happy" or "quite happy" five years later.

When will Friday and the weekend get here? Not soon enough. Have a great Thursday....

sacredsara 36F

9/7/2006 3:01 pm

thank you for replying to my blog it happens ive already caught him. just reluctunt to mention that small fact but makes me not feel so guilty about finding someone to help me be shall we

blastngoff replies on 9/7/2006 11:47 pm:
When it comes to men they should adopt a "catch and release" program. Good luck on the hunt for complete satisfaction.

blastngoff 54M

9/7/2006 11:43 pm

Guess that I miss parts of it also, when it is with the right person (maybe that's the key), it can be a great thing. We all someone in our lives to make us whole.

rm_thewaywewere 42F
85 posts
9/9/2006 4:46 am

If u believe in marriage, whatever how many times is not many...for me, i would consider just try once but it's perfectly find by me being single in my entire life...

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