Using AFF to Get Great Sex  

bipolybabe 56F
10715 posts
3/19/2006 11:55 am

Last Read:
11/26/2008 5:14 pm

Using AFF to Get Great Sex

It took trial and error to figure out how to get great sex. Mostly error. I've done all these "Dont's." That's why I know they don't generally work. I’ve developed a “drive-by kissing” process for effective screening.

Here's what not to do:

1) If you're new to casual sex, don't choose your #1 local prospect as your first casual sex date. You need to practice a bit before moving in to score on the one you are really attracted to. (Damn! That Naked Liberal Texas Cowboy was so cute. Too bad I had the condom fiasco as I hadn’t used one in 20 years! I couldn’t fuck my way out of a paper bag that night related to #2.)

2) Don't meet at night for the first time, especially when you've been drinking. Everyone looks better at night when you're wearing beer goggles. It will release inhibitions but make you not as good at it. End of story.

3) Don't email or chat at length. It tells you NOTHING about attraction. Meet right away for 1/2 an hour, and you'll know all you need to know to decide if there's enough chemistry to warrant getting to know one another. If he or she can’t or won’t meet, move on. There are some people who just want chat. Is that what you want? If no, move on.

4) Do kiss in public in daylight. Kissing is a great barometer of chemistry and sensuality. I prefer to meet outdoors, walk, talk and kiss rather than meet in a bar or coffeehouse. That way I get a little exercise as well as meeting someone new.

5) Don't fuck the first time you meet. Hard to resist when my body says "Yes! Yes! Yes!" I've learned that my body is a traitorous bitch, most attracted to the "fuck and run" types. If you're immediately attracted, take a step back and get to know one another a bit. Then, he/she can reveal him/herself as a jerk or psycho bitch.

6) Don't let the guy pick the place to meet for sex the first time. Let the woman choose as she needs to feel safe.

7) If you've decided to go ahead and have sex, don't meet and go straight to the bedroom. Figure out a transitional activity for at least 30 minutes so you can pretend for a bit that you're not just there to fuck. It feels better. In Santa Barbara, a walk and kissing on the beach works well.

Read here How to Run the FuckTop 10 Tips once you've decided "yes."

© 2006 AskAphrodite aka BiPolyBabe


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

bipolybabe 56F

3/19/2006 2:20 pm

And, every once in a while, breaking the rules works. I met Agent XXL after dark, after I'd been drinking and fucked him the first time we met. Time will tell if my body's a traitorous bitch or not!


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

runzwithknives 61F

3/19/2006 2:54 pm that's what you call it...traiterous bitch!! Oh Yeah, all the time
Great advise and I chronically fail #3 and #4. I love to chat and I have never kissed anyone on a first date...

rm_BigDD62 55M
301 posts
3/19/2006 9:34 pm

I'm nearly a virgin at this casual sex thing, but I definitely agree with #3. I chatted with a woman for several weeks before meeting. Very fun from a sensual and erotic standpoint. We had exchanged some pix, her's quite surreptitious. For example, close up of her eyes, breasts only. When we did meet (over lunch - not drunk or at night, whew!), there was virtually no physical attraction at all for me. Much as I wished to claim that physical attraction wasn't that important, I've admitted to myself that it is quite important that there be significant attraction. It was really too bad, she had a very attractive mind and sexual attitudes. (I know, here it!)

bipolybabe 56F

3/20/2006 7:24 am

Nope. That's the thing I learned after corresponding with someone for THREE MONTHS without ever seeing a photo or talking to him by phone. After that much investment, I really wanted to feel attraction. When we finally met, I forced it for a while, but the attraction just wasn't there.

The problem with corresponding if you're a writer, as I am, is that you become infatuated with your own words, rather than with the other person. But you still associate the feeling with the other person.


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

rm_ebo2u2 54M

3/20/2006 11:21 am

guess Ill be checking Santa Barabara beaches more..

any tips for the better moment is gooood,



0_may_I 53F

3/31/2006 7:29 pm

Bip, that is so true a statement." you become infatuated with your own words"

I'm beginning to see the truth in it. When I examine my feelings for certain people, I realise this is exactly what's happening. Falling in love with love, perhaps?
I found your blogs very interesting. Keep them coming, in more ways then one.

Hugs & kisses 0_May_I

eyebrowlicker62 55M
5 posts
6/8/2006 3:17 pm

Excellent thread.........reminds me of that Budweiser Advert, "true...true etc". I found myself nodding as I read. That doesn't mean I can always stick to my 'principles'!!

Still, if we all knew everything, life, love and sex would be far less interesting.

bipolybabe replies on 6/9/2006 6:09 am:
That's for damn sure! Not having all the answers is what makes sex interesting!


ncfantasyseeker 47F
22 posts
6/15/2006 5:13 pm

I recently followed all your advice except the daytime thing... Waited til the third date and had already agreed it would be THE

We went down to a light dinner, took wine to the bed and then lay there in my bra and panties and played 20 questions.... With small kisses and touches and comfort level being created, I went on to have intense and playful sex for hours.

By Question 6 we were getting serious and there is one question in the middle that I can't for the life of me recall at ALL and I don't think we ever got all the questions asked either...

But I will never forget lying there on his chest like a goddess while he touched me and attempted to think of questions to ask!

Hmmm, who knoew a getting to know you game could be so multiplurpose?

I LOVE your blogs....


bipolybabe replies on 6/15/2006 11:50 pm:
Sounds like a great game! I have a book called "Intellectual Foreplay" that I like for the "getting to know you" game.

And, about meeting in daylight is really for the first meeting. You wouldn't believe the dumb things I've done late at night...and usually with the demon drink involved.

Thanks for reading and commenting!


rm_yassir3333 42M
1 post
7/4/2006 6:18 pm

sensualgirfriend 59F

7/6/2006 9:30 pm

"Intellectual Foreplay" --- I gotta have it!

--sensualgf sensualgirfriend

rm_Isobel76 41F
3 posts
7/9/2006 1:17 am

Ooohh, how I love this blog and especially this thread. I'm new to this whole cyberworld still and was having a hard time finding ay intellectually stimulating discussion about sex until now! I'm gonna keep an eye on this one. Great advice; thanks for the food for thought!

rm_stv800 62M

7/14/2006 12:47 pm

just have to say that I love to rush into things (only with the right person) and find that it can be a real thrill ride for the women who are looking for something nontraditional. I love to see them blush as I race past what was in the past saved for late in the game and proceed to new teratorry. This is only for some people and I guess the trick is to understand and know for sure that that is a thrill ride that your partner wants to ride.... thanks ofo the great advice, I will continue to read this thread.. Steve

21mtrinitync 33M

7/28/2006 4:36 am

Very good.

rm_slippery243 57M
87 posts
7/30/2006 7:07 am

I like the chances I have meeting people through AdultFriendFinder. I just haven't met anyone lately. I've changed my profile a time or two but held my original characteristics because I think I know who I am and what I'm about. Apparently thats not quite what others are searching for. I possibly chat to much before asking to meet. I'm going to try your approach and set up a meeting within a chat or two. I'm always looking for new ways to succeed at meeting people so keep them cuming please.

dudeabouttown13 63M

8/5/2006 1:41 pm

very good info to know, I'm so glad I found this blog, and ploygirl you are a fantacy to me.

Lukeof1977 40M
5 posts
8/6/2006 6:41 am

Bipoly, I'm really liking your blog (only just found it). i haven't arranged any meetings yet but i reckon your advice could help it go smoother when the time comes

ensorceler 58M
1 post
8/13/2006 4:11 pm

Curious about what you have to say to the whole 'safe sex' issue. Your rules don't deal with this at all (except the warning that drink and late nights will invariably cause chaoa). This is my very first peek at a site like this and I am intrigued to say the least. I had no idea there were so many horny people out there looking for sex partners. However it makes sense since we are all basically the same - meaning we all have the same needs (of course how we meet those needs varies as much as people do). Anyway I look forward to reading your advice on how to reduce risk while still living life fully!

bipolybabe replies on 8/19/2006 8:17 am:
This particular blog is about how to meet safely. I have another on preventing the transmission of herpes in particular and another on "how to run the fuck," which includes safe sex talk.

For myself, I always use condoms for intercourse and don't for oral sex because a health practitioner said that oral sex is the least risky, but I don't suck my partner to ejaculation unless we have a committed relationship or that we are committed to practicing safe(r) sex with anyone else.


cassy065 52F

8/19/2006 12:12 am


bipolybabe replies on 8/19/2006 8:26 am:
You're lucky. I've had a bunch of really lousy fucks and have only recently figured out how to have a really great time. The first time or two.


rm_B_O_H_I_C_A 54M
342 posts
8/21/2006 2:39 am

Meeting for lunch or an early dinner is great. I like to spend some time getting to know a person first (as far as a perspective relationship goes) and it gives us a chance to learn a little about each other; making sure there is a connection. Kissing is big for me also, and if the connection is there...
A silly question: Have you noticed how a person kisses is usually a good portent to their lovemaking?

rm_stageone2000 46M

9/9/2006 5:32 pm

New To AdultFriendFinder. Your advice is so useful. As guidelines they make so much sense. Especially #1, #3 & #6. Thank you

Khrysomallos 47F

9/11/2006 11:21 am

Well, I'd have to politely disagree with you on some of these. I've been a member of this site for 5 years and I've had some great experiences (including one 18-month long relationship).

The ABSOLUTELY HOTTEST sex I've ever had as a result of this site was doing the complete opposite of your rules 3, 5 and 7. (I've also done the "traditional" thing of using the site to get to know someone, set up a traditional date, go out a time or two . . . .) But the HOTTEST interludes went like this (usually because they were long-distance):

I find I can pretty much determine the likelihood of sexual attraction from the pictures a man has posted on his profile, and the text. I have a sixth-sense, and it's always been exactly on.

Before meeting ANYONE in person, I ALWAYS insist on using the instant messenger to chat AND insist that he go out and get a webcam. That is the best assurance that I'll be attracted his physical body type, face, eyes, smile and mannerisms. Likewise, he sees me and I have no worries about whether he's going to be happy or disappointed when he sees me in person. I've had the most HORRIFIC and embarassing experiences where I trusted a single photo and agreed to meet for a quick lunch or coffee to find that the guy looked TOTALLY different from what he's represented. And my photos (although they are me) are really not representative of the "type of woman" the man is going to meet in a public social setting -- I'm quite conservative looking/acting in public.

Sex for me is primarily cerebral, so I have to know that this man and I can converse, joke, tease, and relate to each other. Using the instant messenger and cam, I can ask all those tricky questions you'd NEVER have the balls to ask if you were sitting face-to-face on a date. You can ask anything you want about his sexual history, exes, current dating issues . . . as long as you remain open and honest and keep the environment safe so that he's assured that you won't be judgmental or allow his answers to dissuade you from sleeping with him (even if you're not totally honest and his history might keep you from sleeping with him -- it's important to assure him that there won't be any consequences; otherwise you'll never get the truth). Watch his reactions to the questions on the cam. (People don't realize on the cam that their reactions are being watched and tend to be much more facially expressive.)

Men LOVE to feel like their body is being oogled, and of course, they're all about visual stimulation -- so they're elated by games of "you show me yours" etc. that may lead to a little cyber play. A conversation or two on the telephone, will assure whether you find his voice seductive and attractive -- and whether there's intellectual compatibility. Then a little phone sex isn't too bad either.

The HOTTEST sex I've ever had from AdultFriendFinder (and I've done it more than once, so I guess I'm an addict) -- was by doing all of the above first before meeting and literally tearing his clothes off within five minutes of the first face-to-face meeting. (Yes, I agree that the ultimate test of whether a man is good in bed is in the kiss. I'd add that you can also tell compatibility by getting a REALLY good smell of him: neck, armpit, groin -- there have been some interesting studies actually showing that "smell" is the most accurate predictor of sexual attraction, but that's another issue.)

I suppose it sounds dangerous at first -- having sex with someone within minutes of the first time you met them face-to-face. But in each incident I knew more about the person from the cyber, webcam, telephone conversations (usually taking place nearly daily for weeks or even months) before the meeting. I also usually extract enough information so that I can confirm the person's identity through public and property records, criminal and driving records, professional affiliations or accomplishments that can be checked against company websites, newspaper or internet articles, as well as checking marital or divorce records. (Yes, I spy on them without telling them. I won't apologize for it, and if I can't find any corroborating information or if they've been deceptive -- I won't meet them.)

If a man (after cyber/webcam/phone conversations) refuses to give you his last name, work information, address, HOME phone number (not cell phone) and withholds information about himself -- he's married -- he's NOT "being careful." I usually don't give ANY specific information about myself, until after I've confirmed his. If he doesn't follow my rules, I'll never meet him in person.

If a man has put the sort of investment of his time, and the foreplay and intrigue and the work I require -- I know he won't be the "fuck and run" type. He may not want a long-term relationship, or to get married -- but I'm guaranteed to have a ready lover on stand-by later on who respects me and is hot for me.

JaggyKiltsDrain 45M
45 posts
9/16/2006 9:03 pm

Very good posts from everyone. I really like the testimonies (and confessions).

Big props going out to KissMe. I keep forgetting about the web cam. THAT would be great before a first real in-face meeting. Talking on cam would provide you with excellent feedback on his CURRENT looks and facial expressions. Plus they wouldn't have all the time in the world to "polish" what they put in a written response.

And thanks for sharing with us all the steps you use! I think they are a great idea.

Unfortunately, there aren't many women around where I am. And I would HATE to get ready for a meeting, do the travel, and still not know what the person really currently looks like. Or for there to not be enough chemistry or whatever, and get stood up. I'm thinking, if the 'relationship' has already gone past the previous steps, the in-person meeting should be a cake walk.
And you're right. I think people are more open and sharing over e-mail and IM. I didn't use IM before, but I'm really getting into it.

-Happy Hunting

1softhandz 50M

10/18/2006 3:55 pm

I wish I had the time to meet first so I have to break no.3 even though it has done me no good so far (nothing has actually). I would have to agree on seeing something of the other person though.

dancingfool1961 56M
1 post
11/26/2006 2:24 pm

Good Blog like your comments and will definitely give them a try.
Hope to meet some great and fun people really soon.

bipolybabe replies on 11/26/2006 8:07 pm:
Great! Glad you liked the blog.

Good luck in your search,


rm_swanyg 55F

1/21/2007 1:35 pm

"Bi-god",, your so right,,from the "beer goggles" (umm~~~>mine cheap Tequila ones) to the basic fuck and run,,ugh. Why couldn't I have started reading your blogs months ago!!! Where girl, do you come up with such Witty truths...your killing this jersey girl!!! thanks...I'll continue reading now...swanygirl

SleekIcilyVarix 42M

3/2/2007 10:18 am

Hi Bi,
This is very well-written. I was wondering if you'd be so kind as to read this: First Message Rejection or Making a Connection It's essentially the Complete Idiot's Guide to using email on AdultFriendFinder, geared towards helping the guys here. Judging by the high quality of your informative posts here, I'm thinking your input would be invaluable.
Also, I'd like to, with your permission, add a link to this post at the end, as it is excellent advice and it complements the content of my guide.

bipolybabe replies on 3/2/2007 11:51 am:
You betcha, buddy.

I want for people to have more great "connections."

Add your link. I'll check out your blog post. If I forget (because I'm heading out to a sexy lunch), please remind me. And, if what you've written is helpful, I'll send people there.



rm_longone7212 44M
3 posts
3/2/2007 1:25 pm

Thanks for the advice!

TheOracle2006 106F

3/3/2007 3:27 am

guess what's on my mind!!!
Can't wink... can't view profiles...
sex sells!

Hi again

cuddleandstroke 105M

3/3/2007 5:13 am

yes - good advice - but rules is there to be broken.. u have to follow yr intuition (and women's is usually better then mens)... don't want to go into details just at present ... just lets say that within a few days of e-contact we were an exhausted heap of tingling body parts... horny isn't the word!!!

TheOracle2006 106F

3/3/2007 10:25 am

    Quoting bipolybabe:
    And, every once in a while, breaking the rules works. I met Agent XXL after dark, after I'd been drinking and fucked him the first time we met. Time will tell if my body's a traitorous bitch or not!
I always say... "Boundaries are made to be safe, rules are made to be broken."

Hi again

rm_dahl2007 40F

3/5/2007 3:41 pm

these rules are valid, any advice for the loving- non- sexual hubby- I am going crazy!


4/9/2007 2:27 pm

NOw I see what I have been doing wrong. I will start using your steps and see what happens.

Love, Light, Laughter, Leave a Legacy,


BuffaloBob32 85M
516 posts
9/20/2007 1:32 am

Too many issues for an old geezer to contemplate, any one time. However; Issue #5 seems to take precedence on occasion. Y'all are dealing with serious issues difficult for 'ordinary people' to understand. Sortta like politics in good ole U.S.A. Or Geo-politics, worldwide, over my lifetime. Serious issues:
Once upon a time a guy walked the beach of CA, found a bottle, opened it up and, lo and behold, a genie popped out, happily freed now offering 3 wishes. Surprised, the guy said "Health and prosperity for my kids"/ "Peace in the world". Understandable, of course. #3 "A bridge to Hawaii". Genie was baffled/heavy voice from above roared down: "Dumbo, do you have any idea of the millions of tons of cement, the aggravations of unions arguing for any part of the job, Corporations filing endless environmental reports, lawyers litigating for whatever within and without the Coastal Commission of Central CA., meterologists worrying about the weather at any given time? tsunamis at the ready when least expected? CA's Attorney General even is baffled, shaking his head. So, the Genie and the Thundering Voice from Above conference together and make a decision.
Thundering Voice sez/Not likely/one more #3 wish is granted/last time. The dumbo guy from/of California thinks for about 3 seconds, and duly responds: "Sir, How does a man understand a woman?".......Silence for about 10 seconds and then a quiet reply from Above: "Sir, how many lanes do you want on your highway/bridge to Hawaii?" ????????Slightly humorous, slightly serious. Life is a strange place: female or male/or have I missed something in my previous 74 years? You young people are on a roll. Just keep ur powder dry. Be well, stay safe. God Bless America. Sincerely, Bob
P.S: I'm not an attorney, but I rest my case. Okay? Bless you all. Later if the creek don't rise. Sincerely, Bob.

rm_poko200 36M
13 posts
11/26/2007 2:58 pm

i guss rules are ment to be broken!

manicpolarbear69 47M

1/21/2008 11:36 pm

Very informative! Thanks for your candor. I'm new to this so I appreciate your advice.

DaveInSB 57M

11/23/2008 1:15 am

Good read! I probably should have read this before writing to you!

So, what is it you like most/least about getting first email from sum dum guy on here?

labattsman9 53M

10/21/2009 7:46 pm

Some of the advice at top is helpful- stuff I would've never thought on my own- ie trouble with a condom- uh yeah! no locals- that may be a hard one to deal with if the opportunity presents itself. Oh well

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