Sex: Is it the Real Thing?  

bipolybabe 56F
10715 posts
7/28/2006 10:16 am

Last Read:
7/29/2006 2:39 pm

Sex: Is it the Real Thing?

Sex: Is it the Real Thing? Or is it a distraction?

I freely confess that I am sexually obsessive. I think about sex, write about it, and try to get some as often as humanly possible, given other life obligations.

My blogger friend wickedeasy admitted she's bored with all the sex discussion on this site. She wonders if we've got other things to talk and think about, like intimacy. Or bringing home the troops. Or the Red Sox, for gosh sakes.

Here's what I think. I think we don't blog about those topics much because they are hard, require thought. Intimacy is, well, more intimate than rubbing body parts together in a way that creates pleasant friction.

And, to be intimate with someone entails vulnerability, the possibility of being hurt. If you don't get too close, you can't get hurt.

Then, there's the fact that human beings are annoying, that they don't behave the ways we wish they would when we wish they would. For example, last night I wanted to go to a free outdoor concert with my kids and my intimate partner.

My intimate partner is not at the same stage of recovery from the trauma of divorce as I. He is not ready to play and enjoy life as I am. He is still suffering. While I have empathy, I am tired of his suffering. So, he was out. Then, my daughter protested, "I don't really like those concerts. I'm tired. I don't want to go."

I felt discouraged because, with two kids, it seems like one of them always hates the idea of whatever I've suggested. I am really tired of dragging them along. But, I decided not to let her kill my joy in music and dancing. I said, "Tough! We're going."

I danced to the sounds of Captain Courageous and the Cardiacs (a pretty good cover band) along with a thousand people gathered to picnic down by the beach. My kids found several school friends and played with them in the park, having a great time as I knew they would. Afterward, my daughter admitted she'd had a good time. It doesn't mean next time it will be any easier to convince her to get out of her go-home-watch-TV rut.

So, this is intimacy, hanging in there day by day, showing up even when you don't feel like it. And, frankly, I'm entertaining fantasies again of moving away, this time to Boulder, Colorado, because I'm sure my life would be perfect if I just lived in the mountains, far from my children. Then, they could come visit me from time to time and for limited periods of time I could endure the stuff they like: miniature golf, movies and swimming pools (all stuff that costs $$$!), rather than dragging them along for the stuff I like: music, dancing, rollerblading, biking, hiking and swimming naked in the river.

So, why don't we blog about this day-to-day stuff of intimacy? Because sex is sexier. I think we write about sex and we look for sex to escape from the dreariness of life, from the real work of intimacy.

Then, there's the possibility that sex can also transport you to a different place, send you flying, transform you, so to speak. Sex can be a meditation as well as recreation. That's pretty damn exciting when it happens.

But, the truth is, the out-of-this-world sexual experiences are few and far between. Thus the appeal of drugs. drugs, I suppose, are a less-effort way to get an out-of-body experience. I had forgotten 'til earthshiva mentioned it, that Burning Man, an event I intend to attend in late August (See Meet at Burning Man for details.), is really a drug-tripping experience for many people. Since drugs are not my drug of choice, I tend to overlook them.

Sex is my drug of choice. It's the escape route from much of the boredom of living day to day. It offers the possibility of transformation, at least for a short time. It makes me feel alive. So, for me, sex is both the Real Thing, the spice of life, and a fun distraction. And unlike drugs, there's usually no hangover.

What about you? Is sex the real thing or is there something else that makes you willing to get up and get going again in the morning?

(c) 2006 AskAphrodite aka BiPolyBabe


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

buddhamike 107M
7006 posts
7/28/2006 11:02 am

I suppose this could be a downer for some of the folks who read it, but for me there is no problem getting up and getting going in the morning. I have a great job where I spend the day helping people get themselves a better life. That's a trip in it's own right. So for me the sex isn't a way to get to another place, it's a way to enhance the other place I'm usually already at.
Sex, drugs (that includes alcohol) and other intense experiences are all just ways of reaching altered states of consciousness. For me they are just ways of enhancing my perpetually altered state of existence.

askme4cock 40M

7/28/2006 11:08 am

There is plenty to get up and get you going in the mornings babe, whether it be your children, work commitments or a hobby, something you are looking forward to doing. Sex is just a pleasurable feeling and togetherness with the very attractive female of the spieces that I like as oftern as humanly possible.

wickedeasy 68F  
31321 posts
7/28/2006 11:15 am

you bitch

i am not bored with sex - just think there is more to all of us than our dingledangles

and you saw CC live? i adore that man - what was he wearing?

and i was thinking New Zealand but Boulder could work.........

tight hugs

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

TiffanyBarbie 29F

7/28/2006 11:17 am

Sex is the real thing for me, but it comes in many different forms. There's the slow, sexy, wine-drinking-while-listening-to-soft-jazz intimacy that's both passionate and almost restful. Then there's fast, almost hurried, even sexily clumsey love making that barely gets you out of your clothes - I'm still wearing my heels at this point. I make no secret that I love sex but the deep personal attachment that I have with the men I share with far outweighs any empty fling based on just doing it. I make no apologizes for being choosey for a particular type of man. Sure I not only love the sex but also the emotional and intimate benefits that come from the bonding. We can be open, loving, caring and capable of sharing something that I think is special and what we may have to offer one another. This is of course excellent result and advantage of choosing the right sex partner in and out of bed.

Theflinkychick 107F

7/28/2006 11:25 am

The chance to learn something new, to enjoy a new experience and interact with life is what keeps me going and calls me out of my little private world.

You touched on something that has been on my mind for a long time and that is the content of our blog posts. This is a sex site and of course there are going to be lots of posts about sex. That is a given, but I am not a one dimensional person and I enjoy entries that broaden the borders of Blogville.

Good post, thanks. I've found food for thought here.

Not all who wander are lost.

gooodloven2 64M
382 posts
7/28/2006 12:31 pm

have you ever thought of sex as a form of comunacation.intercourse it's the real thing for nonverbal discorse.

rm_dosrev 40M
1991 posts
7/28/2006 1:42 pm

My blogger friend wickedeasy admitted she's bored with all the sex discussion on this site.\

I made it this far into the post when I read this.

Im sorry.... what?
Perhalps wickedeasy needs to look again at what site this is. Its not myspace.

"Enough of this palaver, lets get the show on the road!"
"The best thing about a day like that is that it can't get any worse. It was a bad day AND a Monday. The rest of the week has to be better." - Hotandsteamygirl

TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
7/28/2006 2:10 pm

This was a very good post. Unlike you, I'm not sexually obessive. I do think about it of course, and have had more sex in the last two years then the 15 years before that, and that is a good thing. It was a part missing from my marriage. But I do admit that I desire emotional intimacy as well, other than purely sex. The pleasure is so short-lived for me.
I have small children, they are only 8 and 5. They are my first priority now, during my divorce, and until they are older. I am always doing stuff they want to do and not much of what I want to do. But that is what I choose to do right now. I am finally trying to have some me time in between those things. I want to be more well rounded...enjoy my girlfriends, the fresh air, good music, a nice man and of course physical intimacy.
But ultimately, in the long run, I want one man to share my life with. I want the whole thing, great sex, great companionship, laughter, tears, all that. Having a loving, equal relationship with a man would get me going every morning and make all the little shit somehow easier to deal with.

wickedeasy 68F  
31321 posts
7/28/2006 3:35 pm

oops - forgot to answer the question

if sex was the reason i got up in the morning - i doubt i would feel fulfilled as a human being

but it is often the reason that i go to bed..........

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

spacecadet561 61M

7/28/2006 4:06 pm

The need for a paycheck typically gets me out of bed 5 days a week. The need for clean clothes suffices to get me out of bed another day. The fear of being nagged to an early death is what usually gets me out of bed the seventh day.

Sex is a fond but fading memory.


earthShiva 61M

7/28/2006 5:38 pm

Sex is like the vibration of a string on a guitar. It is the energy source, but without the overtones of the guitar body, it produces a thin, empty note that fades quickly. Our lives - connections with others, desires, jobs, families, even our fantasies - come together to form the body that resonates with that simple note to give it tone and richness.

ProtonicMan 49M

7/28/2006 6:30 pm

    Quoting earthShiva:
    Sex is like the vibration of a string on a guitar. It is the energy source, but without the overtones of the guitar body, it produces a thin, empty note that fades quickly. Our lives - connections with others, desires, jobs, families, even our fantasies - come together to form the body that resonates with that simple note to give it tone and richness.
Wow. I was just about to start writing something else entirely when I read this. Very cool. I love the analogy.


nightis 54M

7/29/2006 5:51 am

Somewhere out there are blogs on fishing, driving race cars and have you seen the blogs on the ESPN website? To me it is all about recreation.

Sex is one of the greatest recreational activities there are! The only cost is getting two, affectionate human beings with a significant amount of chemistry together and let our instincts take over. So much cheaper than a damn movie and most of the time a lot more entertaining! Oh, by the way, there are huge blogs on movies and movie stars!

I blog about my other life happenings on another site. I keep saying that, but only person from AdultFriendFinder has ever been interested enough to read about my "vanilla" side. This is an adult site where we talk about and consider adult relationships, including sex. I may stray from the subject, but just like in real life, it is always near by!

Did I answer the question? What was the question?

Have a nice day!

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